


Up In Flames

by djarinbarnes



Series: Stucky [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dad Steve Rogers, Firefighter Steve Rogers, Fluff, Lawyer James Barnes, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 61,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23670529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djarinbarnes/pseuds/djarinbarnes
Summary: rating may change...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Stucky [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586290
Comments: 135
Kudos: 228





	1. Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> rating may change...

The smoke is heavy in the partially lit room, making the visibility almost reduced to nothing.

Steve can still feel the flames burning dangerously close to him and his partner, Sam. He looks around using his flashlight, tying to see if there's someone left behind.

The Barnes building is an impressive monster of mortar and steel, glass covering its iron skeleton like a new skin. It's not very high, only 19 floors, but it impresses through its colored glass, see-through doors and an incredible view of New York’s financial center.

Or it used to impress, Steve muses as he clears yet another office of any human presence and they move to the next one with practiced efficiency.

Now half of the building lies in ruins, while the other half awaits its doom.

More than three hours ago, they had been alerted that an explosion had taken place inside the building in its west wing. While they've managed to evacuate most of the people safely, those closer to the core of the explosion had died.

Estimative, they were only five, but Steve can't stop thinking of those five families that will be announced tonight that they lost someone dear.

He knows that searing pain too well.

Thankfully though, there haven't been too many people in the building at the time of the explosion as it was towards the closing hours. Thank God for small miracles.

He clears the next room as well. He and Sam were sent to see if there was anyone left behind, after a petite woman announced that her brother was missing.

Steve thinks for a moment that maybe the man may be their sixth victim. He was in the west wing which was partially collapsed now.

The rooms hold more debris than anything else and the blinding smoke makes it hard for anyone to survive under these conditions.

Steve breathes hard and checks with Sam for a moment to see if his partner is any better.

He’s not.

For the past three hours they've been fighting against the flames, trying to bring people back to safety while running back and forth on the stairs. The protection gear started to feel heavy a while ago and Steve fights with the exhaustion that has begun to take a toll on him.

"Are you sure she said ninth, captain?" Steve breaks the heavy silence of the crackling flames by speaking to his captain, Nicholas Fury.

"Yes, Steve. She said ninth." Although the voice is full of command, there's a hint of worry in there and Steve doesn't like that one bit.

"Well, we checked all the rooms, sir." Steve replies looking into Sam's confirming eyes. "There's no one else here. Should we go to the upper floors?"

"That's a negative. The upper floors have been compromised."

"Then sir, we're requesting permission to return to base." Sam's solemn expression annoys Steve, but his partner continues: "I have only twenty minutes left of oxygen and Rogers half an hour."

"Roger that. Return to base. Over and out."

Steve feels unsettled as he starts his way back with Sam. He feels as if he has missed something and he doesn't like that feeling one bit.

He has been working for seven years as a firefighter and his instinct hasn't failed him yet. He is just about to follow Sam across the main lobby and down the stairs when all of a sudden, he hears a noise.

It's almost like a cough, coming from one of the worst hit offices and also closest to the lobby.

"Did you hear that?" Steve asks his partner, suddenly alarmed.

"There's nothing." Sam replies annoyed. "We double checked. There's no one left."

"Then you don't mind if we triple check." Steve scowls and looks towards the direction in which he might have heard that noise.

"Oh, for the love of what's holy, why in the hell's name have I been partnered with you? I must have done something really evil in another life to deserve this, like killing butterflies or experimenting on puppies."

"If you don't shut up, I'll make you. I can't hear a goddamn thing with you constantly yapping like an old woman."

Sam scowls back but says nothing and follows Steve.

They have been partnered for three years now and they have saved each other's life more than they could count. In spite of being completely different, they work in perfect harmony and Sam knows that Steve's gut has never told them wrong.

Steve looks around what used to be a bigger office.

The smoke reduces the visibility, not to mention that half of the office has collapsed. It's not a nice sight of what must have been a pretty impressive room. On the left of the room there's something which must have been shelves with pictures of friends and family.

Mostly they got destroyed by the collapsing of the building, but a picture of a beautiful woman survived. She has jet black hair and soulful big eyes. She doesn't look extremely happy, but she must have been cherished since there's her picture, kept preciously close.

He doesn't know why, but he takes it and stuffs it into his uniform. Someone might miss this woman and they might want it back. A painful stab in his heart makes him realize how much he would like that too.

Suddenly there's another choked noise, more of a moan and this time Steve sees the body of a man trapped under the debris.

"Sam, there!" He yells as he hurries to reach the man who appears to try gaining consciousness.

"Rogers, stop! That's a dangerous zone. Wait for the reinforcements."

"It might be too late!" Steve yells back as he crawls towards the man trying not to touch the loose wires in his way or the sharp broken glass. He feels the unstable structure groaning under his added weight.

"Goddamn it, Rogers! I gotta be cursed." Steve ignores Sam's whining while approaching the man on the other side of the office.

There are remains of furniture everywhere and the partially disembodied pieces of what must have been once chairs lay scattered around. Broken glass and twisted metal mix with the remains making the advancement quite difficult. A desk has fallen on top of the man at a 45-degree angle which probably saved his life but also trapped him down there, while plaster and other remains cover his upper body.

"Sir, can you hear me?" Steve shouts.

They don't have much time. He has little oxygen left and he can barely breathe once he takes the helmet off.

"Sir, please, sir, can you hear me?" The unconscious man moans again and that at least it's a great sign, because it means he's alive and that's more than what he thought he might find.

Steve gently pries long brown hair from a face covered in scratches and blood. There's a gushing wound on the man's temple, probably from being hit by the debris. Other than that, there's no visible wound around the upper side of the body.

He takes his oxygen mask and puts it against the man's face gently. He's a little surprised to see that the man is quite handsome, with strong jaw and high cheeks, but at the moment he doesn't care about that.

Steve checks the arms and winces when he sees the weird angle of the left wrist.

Definitely broken.

He looks around and picks what once must have been the legs of a chair. He needs to immobilize that wrist before moving the man. He's already afraid of what he might find at a closer inspection. Almost tenderly he takes the man's tie and uses it to pin down the wooden splints to the wrist. The man groans again in pain.

"Rogers, what's your status?" He hears his captain's voice in the communication device and by the sound of it, he doesn't sound happy at all. Well, he'll just have to deal with that later.

"I found him, captain. Male, early thirties. Unconscious, possible concussion and a broken wrist. Caught under a heavy desk, but hopefully it can be moved."

"Ok, you listen to me carefully, Rogers. I want you and Sam to get out of there. I have just sent Odinson and Stark after you. They will arrive there shortly, and they will take over the rescue mission."

"That's a negative, sir."

"What?"

"Sir, we are in one of the worst hit offices. It is highly unstable, and it can barely keep me, but under two heavy guys like Odinson and Stark, it most certainly will collapse."

"Rogers, stop being stubborn and listen to me: you barely have oxygen left. You put both yours and Sam's life at risk. Get out of there now! That's an order."

"With all due respect, sir, I will ignore your order and we can argue about that later, although if he wants, Sam can leave. Just send the guys up but tell them to stay clear of the room."

"When this is over, Rogers, I will have your ass on a silver platter."

"I didn't know you're a fan of such kinky shit, captain."

"Yeah, yeah." Crackling static. "Be careful, Steve."

"Yes, sir."

Steve looks back at his victim.

"Sir, can you hear me?" He gently pats him over the cheek. The man moans again and this time his eyes flutter.

"Yeah, that's it: open your eyes for me. Come on."

The eyes flutter open at last and even in the dim light, Steve is startled to meet steel blue eyes. By the looks of it, the man is also surprised at Steve's appearance. He tries to take the mask off, but Steve stops him gently.

"Sir, my name is Steve Rogers. I promise I will get you out of here, but first answer these questions and then we will think about removing the mask, ok?" Steve goes on by asking some standard questions to which the victim answers by nodding or shaking his head.

His blue eyes though never leave Steve. "Ok, you seem all right. We will remove the mask and try to buy ourselves some time before I get you out of here." He tenderly takes the mask away. "What's your name, sir?"

"James Barnes." The man replies in a hoarse voice.

"Well, James, firstly we have got to take you out of here." Steve speaks with definite precision while he measures what would take to remove the desk. "I'm afraid that the structure isn't safe anymore and this side might cave in soon."

"Did my men...did my men get out safely?"

"Yes." Steve moves a little the debris to check what's going on with the lower part of James's body.

"What", the man coughs, "what happened?"

"We don't know yet, James." Steve's hands work fast by pulling the remains away, trying to free as much of James's body as he can. "All we know is that an explosion took place around this area. After we put the fire out, we will figure out what has gone wrong. By the way, if you feel you can't breathe anymore, make sure to put the mask back on."

"What about you?"

"I’ll survive." He gives a small smile before going back to work.

He analyzes the situation. He doesn't like this one bit. The desk seems heavy and it will be difficult to remove it all by himself but getting another man in is out of the question. The added weight might kill them all.

"Can you move your legs?" Steve asks softly although he already knows the answer.

"No," the man answers blankly.

It impresses Steve the fact that the man can be so calm in such a terrible situation, but it doesn't make him feel better.

At the rate they're going he doesn't think that there are big chances of getting James out of there.

Just as Steve is about to say something comforting though, the whole building shakes like a monster which was asleep and suddenly is awoken by annoying ants.

Everything moves around them and remains and parts of the plaster start falling again. Steve throws himself over James just as piles of wood and glass crash over them with enough power to hurt them bad.

His body covers almost all of James and Steve would find their position quite funny if it weren't so damn frustrating.

When the shaking and roaring finally subside, the dust and smoke mix in a terrible combination and he almost immediately starts to cough while he almost forcefully puts the mask over James's face again.

He groans as he gets up. Something must have hit him pretty hard because every cough brings a nasty pain between his shoulders.

"Steve! Steve, are you alright?" He hears Sam's desperate yells.

He coughs a little more before finally answering:

"Yeah, we're alright." He looks down at James who has an indecipherable look on his face. "Hey, James, still with us?"

The man nods, but doesn't seem thrilled to be pinned down in an office about to collapse. Steve understands his feelings completely, although he also wonders if the man is annoyed at being addressed so familiarly. Well, tough luck. He is saving the jackass's ass so the least he could do would be to accept the familiarity between the two of them.

Steve looks back at the desk trying to see the damage that the moving might have made, but the sight makes him yell "Hell, yeah!" as it moved just a little, just enough for James to move from underneath it.

"The desk has moved." He says again, gasping a little for air as it becomes harder and harder to breathe in there. "I can get you out: on the count to three, I'm going to pull you out of there, alright?" The man nods again seriously, and Steve gets up and takes James by the armpits. Not very dignifying but well worth for when he is rescued.

The pain in his back is getting stronger, making him breathe harder and harder.

"Steve!" Sam's horror sets him on alert, but he ignores it and wants to act before the ground moves again, so he counts to three and he manages to pull the man from under there. He collapses on his back due to the sudden freedom and screams in pain as his entire back feels aflame.

"Goddamn it!" He shouts and feels like his whole world narrows down to his back.

"Steve, Steve!" James' voice is adamant in being heard as there's worry buried in that gravelly voice. Steve lets it wash over him, closing his eyes for a little bit. He would like to argue that taking off the mask isn't a very good decision, but he doesn't have the necessary power at the moment.

"Yeah," he groans as he opens his eyes again and tries to get up, "yeah, I'm ok." Blue eyes look worriedly at him. "Really, I'm alright. Can you get up?"

"Yes." Nothing seems broken so the man gets up on his own legs with little help from Steve. He's the same height as him, and broad shoulders too. Even covered in plaster and bloodied, this James guy looks like an important man, there's something naturally graceful about him.

"Now let's get out of here." He says and helps James crawl towards the exit showing what to do and silently praying the floor won't collapse on them before they reach for safety.

The man moves sluggishly but with determination and Steve can't help but admire that. Even the broken wrist doesn't seem to stop him. That burst of adrenaline must do them some good right now.

As they finally get out of that hell of debris, Steve sees Stark and Odinson around Sam. They look incredibly weary as well. The difficult day has taken a toll on all of them.

"Took you long enough," Steve grunts as the pain in his back becomes searing.

"Steve!" Sam exclaims, this time the terror in his voice alerting the other men as well. They all look at him like he has a death wound or something because Odinson almost reaches for him but Steve bats away his arms.

"For crying out loud, what?"

"Your back-"

"There's no time for this kind of shit." Steve cuts him off while the others look at him with new worry. "Let's get the hell out of here and we will analyze my goddamn back later."

No one says anything else but the worry floats around them just as heavy as the smoke.

James puts his mask on again as they start to climb down the stairs and Steve is, again, surprised by his iron will as he didn't complain at all and just let them do their jobs without panicking or anything.

There would be some grudging admiration in his head if he wouldn't be feeling so bad.

Still, Steve fights against the pain and the dizziness; he could barely breathe before but now it's like acid has been burned into his suit. It makes him gasp for air and more than enough times Odinson stops and silently shares his oxygen mask with him.

When they finally make it out of the building, there are relieved sounds all around them, but Steve hardly hears them. He sees the medics approach James as the most visibly wounded among them.

There's a roaring sound in his ears and Steve feels like Atlas, the burden of the world collapsing over his back, making him weak in the knees.

He crashes on his knees, trying to find support on his hands.

The cold pavement feels rough under his palms. The noise gets muffled except for his harsh breathing.

His vision starts to blacken as gentle arms try to help him. Still there's an imprint of a gravelly voice saying his name as if he's also cherished.

His thoughts don't make sense anymore because suddenly he would like to be like that woman from that picture which he should have given to James but didn't.

Cherished again.

Wouldn't that be nice?

He could sigh contently but he finally lets himself fall prey to unconsciousness and thinks that at least for a while he deserves some rest.

Just for now.


	2. Cinders

When Steve regains consciousness, the first thing he does is fight to open his eyes. It isn't an easy thing to do and he takes his time.

At first his eyelids fight against him, unwilling to open even a little bit. They feel heavy, lead-like and it feels as if sand have been poured into his eyes while he was sleeping. If he catches the guilty one, he's a dead man.

In the end he slowly flutters his eyes open, winning over the lethargy that threatened to take over him again.

The first thing he registers is that he's definitely not his back, as his face is mashed against a pillow. His whole body hurts and he feels groggy. The back is killing him; the pain must have been enough to make him regain consciousness. Not that he's thrilled about the goddamn thing.

The second thing he registers is a mop of blonde hair identical to his. The small head rests against his shoulder and in spite of feeling like shit warmed over, he can't suppress the gentle smile that slowly spreads on his chapped lips.

His son didn't want to leave his side: it must have been difficult for him to see his daddy like this.

Hospitals bring bad memories to the both of them. Steve clenches his teeth and closes his eyes tightly. He promised himself that he wouldn't think about that day anymore. But then again, pain like that is hard to leave behind.

"You're awake." The sheer relief in his sister's voice makes Steve slowly look up, just in time to see his sister Sasha looking at him softly. She's dressed casually; a sign that she hasn't been to work. Her dark blonde hair is messy, and her eyes looking tired.

"How long have I been out?" he asks in a hoarse voice, licking his lips in vain. His sister notices the small gesture, takes a glass of water from the small table next to her and helps Steve drink a little water through a straw.

The water does miracles to his sore throat.

"Two days," she sighs softly, almost whispering, putting the glass back and gently caressing the boy's head. "After he found out about you, he couldn't be kept away from you."

"He must've been exhausted." Steve lovingly kisses his son's head.

"Yeah, well, it's not his fault that his daddy is an idiot."

"Hey, watch it!"

"Or what, wonder boy? It's not like you can do anything about it."

"I won't stay in this bed forever, you know?" Steve scowls. "And anyways, why am I an idiot? I just did my job."

"Yeah, right! Since when risking your life for some hot piece of ass has been in your job description?"

"What?" Steve sputters, almost forgetting about his aching throat.

"I didn't even see his ass as he was covered in debris."

His bisexuality has never been a secret for his family, but mostly it has laid forgotten as Steve married a woman. Recently though, they have started to bring that up again.

He should start dating, he shouldn't be alone anymore, blah, blah, blah. But Steve was fine, he didn't need anyone else. He could live the rest of his life remembering …. her.

"You can't lie to me, Stevie." Sasha continued in a soft tone, not caring about Steve's pondering look.

"Mr. Barnes came to visit a few times, insisting to pay everything for your medical care. He was also the one that managed to convince the medical staff to let Eric sleep here." Sasha visibly shudders. "That man is a force to be reckoned with, but even I can appreciate the beauty of that man."

"Whose beauty?"

"Goddamn it, Stevie! Are you even listening to me?"

"I’ve been unconscious for two days, Sasha. I'm entitled to be a little slow on the uptake."

"You usually are, Stevie."

"Hey, wounded here, remember?" Steve scowls harder. "And how am I supposed to know who this Mr. Barnes is?"

Sasha rolls her eyes so hard, that for a moment Steve wonders if she's going to sprain them.

"Do you remember what's the name of the man whom you saved?"

"James something..." Steve mumbles aware that this isn't going to end pretty for him and by Sasha's victorious look, he deserves it too.

"James Barnes, lawyer extraordinaire and owner of the Barnes building."

It takes him about two seconds to realize whom they are talking about.

"Wow..."

"Yes, apparently you pick them really well."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I knew who he was when I helped him crawl out of there. He must have told me his whole name, but it didn't register with me. Is he alright?"

"Yes, just a broken wrist, a small concussion and some bruises. He's going to be fine."

"That's good." Steve smiles again when his son shuffles closer to him, trying to bury himself next to his dad, getting restless because of their voices. A moment of silence settles tranquil in the room, broken only by the sounds of the medical machines keeping pace with Steve's vital signs. It stays like this for a while until Sasha speaks softly, her eyes trained again on her nephew:

"You can't keep doing this, Stevie. You have a son; you can't keep risking your life this."

"I didn't do anything of the sort." The guilty eyes though say a different story.

"Sam told us what happened, Stevie. You refused his help."

"The room was about to collapse on us, Sasha. There was no time for that. Not to mention that he didn't even hear the man in the first place. What was I supposed to do? Leave the man die there?"

"But..." Sasha takes a deep breath. "You take care of everyone but yourself, Stevie. You didn't even ask about the wounds that you have suffered. For crying out loud, you're the one on the hospital bed. I wish you could take better care of yourself. You have to think about Eric. You're everything he's got. What will happen to him if he loses you too?"

"I don't know…" It's not like he hasn't been thinking about it too.

These are the thoughts that torment him at night. It's bad enough that he has trouble sleeping. Ever since he lost Peggy, he feels all the more responsible for his son's well-being, but this is definitely neither the place, nor the time for such discussions.

Steve relaxes a little against his son and does what he's best at: deflecting the subject.

"So how bad am I hurt?"

"Not that bad." Sasha is rolling her eyes again – seriously, if people would make a sport out of it, she would be the winning champion. Still, he could never fool her, but she's letting this go. For now, anyways.

"Just pieces of glass stuck in your back, blood loss and some bruises that won't let you sleep on your back for a month. Some of that plaster hit you pretty bad and for a while the doctors were concerned about it, but apparently everything is fine. It doesn't matter anyways since you're going to be on medical leave for a month."

"What? One month?" Steve looks at his son and all his fire burns out in seconds. "Maybe it's for the better."

Just as he says it, his son finally stirs awake and it takes a while to get his surroundings.

Steve is always stunned into silence every time he sees the tiny man's brown eyes, just like Peggy's.

It's really impressive how his son managed to collect features from the both of them: his blond hair, Peggy's brown eyes, her nose, her devious smile, his deep scowl. It makes his heart melt.

Eric is dressed in his Batman pajamas because he thinks Batman is so cool. Steve thinks that, without a single doubt, his son is the most adorable child on earth.

His mop of blond hair is mussed on the side that he had slept on, but his eyes deep and wine-like look at his dad with love and worship.

"Daddy! You're awake."

"Hey, my man!" Steve smiles at him, trying to reassure his son.

Eric immediately kisses his cheek, careful not to touch his back. Awkwardly, Steve manages to move his arm and embrace his son. The small body shuffles closer as he hides his face into Steve's neck.

Instantly, he starts to shake with sobs and big tears wash Steve's neck. The father feels the lump in his throat like a punishment from God and he's grateful when he sees that Sasha has left them alone, most likely to announce his family that he has awaken.

"It's ok, buddy. I'm all right."

"I thought you were going away like mommy."

More sobs.

"Please, daddy, pretty please, don't leave with the angels too. I promise I'll be good and eat all my veggies and do all my homework. Just don't leave." His son cries and it tears a new wound into Steve.

He ignores the pure pain in his back as he finally moves on his side and presses his son against his body, fully embracing him.

"Now you listen to me, Eric. You know how much daddy loves you, so of course I can't leave you."

"Yeah, but mommy loved me, and she still left with the angels." Eric gasps for air between painful sobs.

"But only because she had to. I won't, though. It's just you and me, E." Steve draws comforting circles on his son's back. "Remember what I told you? It's you and me against the world. And you know we make an awesome team."

"Even against grandpa?" Eric asks innocently, his sobs finally subsiding. Steve feels like crying, but instead he kisses his son's crown of blond locks.

"Especially against grandpa."

"I love you, daddy." His son mumbles into his neck.

"I love you more, E".

They stay close like that, trying to calm each other. Steve ignores the pain in the backside, drawing strength from his son's presence. Somehow, he's happy for being on medical leave for a month. His son will need his reassurance and some time spent together will do them both some good.

They stay embraced until they hear noises outside the door, and they know almost instantly that the Rogers clan has been alerted of Steve's consciousness. Of course, they don't disappoint in making an entrance.

"Steve!" His father wails as soon as he comes in, rushing to his side in a quite dramatic way, peppering Steve and Eric's faces with sloppy kisses. "My beautiful brave son!"

"Jesus, old man!" Steve snaps at him bating his hands away. "Cut the crap! I'm not dying." His father ignores him and kisses him one more time before taking Eric in an airplane style, making his grandson squeal excitedly and then laughing happily.

"Oh, rest assured, Steve Rogers, that we will have a discussion about this later." His mother sternly says, but she gently pets his head and then kisses his cheek. "Tell me the truth: how do you feel?"

"Like crap, but- Ow, mom, what did you do that for?" Steve scowls after his mother softly hits him.

"Language, Steve. It's no wonder that your son speaks the way he does." Steve blushes a little bit, remembering the time he was called at school in Eric's first month there, to be properly judged and sentenced by Eric's teacher for his son's improper language. Yeah, he has never felt so ashamed in his life.

"Sorry." He mumbles. "I meant it's not of my finest moments, but I'll manage."

"Maybe you should move in with us as soon as they let you go from the hospital."

"Mom, come on. I'm not an invalid. I can manage on my own. Me and Eric will be just fine."

"You keep saying that…"

"Stevie," his sister Samantha whispers as she kisses his forehead too. Steve smiles when he hears his son telling a story to his grandfather. In spite of what they said earlier, there's definitely something special between Eric and Joseph.

"I'm fine, Samantha, really." His mother settles in his bed and Samantha just goes to say _hi_ to her nephew too.

His doctor finally comes in.

Of course, he knows his dad, but they stop exchanging pleasantries as soon as they see Steve wincing in pain.

It's not nice to have someone push and prod him but he makes a brave face when he sees that Eric is about to cry again and Joseph makes his grandson forget about it effortless and for that he is glad.

Apparently, his wounds heal just nicely and if this keeps up, he will be out of the hospital by the end of the week, which means four more days in the hospital. Not nice but what can he do?

After the doctor's gone, his family tries to make him comfortable, but they don't succeed much and just as he is about to tell them to go home, he hears his sister's voice.

"Steve …" Sasha's head appears behind the door. "There's someone who would like to see you."

"Well, let them in." Steve sighs just as a petite woman and a tall man come in the room. He recognizes her almost immediately: she was the one alerting them that James was missing.

From what he remembers (everything is still a little foggy), the woman resembles the man he saved quite a lot. They have the same brown hair and determined features.

She seems hesitant to come in, not like the man accompanying her. He looks like a dangerous guy and Steve probably wouldn't like to meet him in a dark alley. Well, actually he would be more frightening, if he didn’t wear some wacky t-shirt with a cartoon on it. Damn that rabbit. It's the bane of his existence because ever since his son discovered the rabbit, everything became related to it. In fact,…

"Chappy!" His son exclaims and gets out of his grandpa's arms and runs to the tall man who smiles a little sheepishly. His son slaps his small hands over the man's stomach and even Steve winces a little at the sound. The man grimaces at the sudden impact but thankfully says nothing.

"E, it's not polite to do that."

"But, daddy, it's Chappy."

"Yes, still, it's not a very nice thing to do now, is it?" Steve frowns a little and it's enough to make his son come over next to him and let the strangers fully enter the room.

"Hello, sorry to bother you like this." The woman says and she seems a little intimidated by them. "My name is Rebecca Barnes, and this is my husband, Thomas. I’m James Barnes' sister."

"Oh, hello." Steve says as every member of his family straightens a little bit.

"My name is Steve Rogers. This is my son, Eric." The little man waves a little. "And this is my family: my father, Joseph, my mother, Sarah, and my sister, Samantha. I believe you have already met my sister Sasha. Nice to meet you." They all nod politely.

"It's nice to meet you all." Rebecca says again a little braver this time.

Her full attention is suddenly on Steve. "I won't make this long. I just came today to thank you for saving my brother's life. I’m sure that such a brave and selfless action can't be rewarded so easily, but we are truly grateful. If it hadn't been for you, Bucky woul…" She stutters a little, emotions getting the better of her and Thomas puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, drawing her closer to his body.

"What my wife is trying to say is that we are really grateful, and we will try to help you with anything you want. You just name it."

"Please, there's no need to thank me." Steve answers. "I just did my job. I would have done this for anybody."

"It's true. But you did it for Bucky and he's all that I’ve got from my family." Rebecca says ruefully. "So please, if you can think of anything, anything at all, we will be glad to be of service."

"Maybe we could start with a Chappy t-shirt?" Thomas asks smiling knowingly.

"Say yes, daddy, please, pretty please." His son stage whispers and everyone in the room smiles.

"Well, maybe a Chappy t-shirt wouldn't hurt." He says hesitantly, ruffling his son's hair and Eric smiles a little shyly back. "Although I have to insist, again, on not sending anything else. To know that I’ve saved your brother's life and that he's all right is more than enough for me."

"Speaking of Bucky, he apologies for not being able to come today. He deeply regrets it, but he promised that he'll visit you tomorrow. He's been with the grieving families today."

"Please, I don't want to trouble him."

"There's no trouble. No trouble at all." A small awkward moment settles between them before Rebecca smiles embarrassed and gives him a card.

"Well, these are our contact details and if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to call us." She finally comes closer to him and she reaches for his hand, shaking it softly. "Thank you, Mr. Rogers."

"It's Steve." Steve blushes embarrassed by all the shown gratitude.

"Thank you, Steve." She corrects herself. "Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"I'm glad I could be of service."

Thomas comes closer and shakes his hand too.

"Thank you, man. And we mean it – anything at all, let us know."

"I will. Thank you."

They say their goodbyes and after they leave, his family seems a little stunned.

"Well, Steve, you really know how to pick them." His mother finally says and Steve blushes again.

"I _really_ didn't pick him." Steve scowls. "And Sam was there too. And Odinson and Stark… They all helped me getting him out of there."

"This isn't exactly the version we heard." Joseph says as he picks Eric in his arms. "Come on, little buddy. Time to go home."

"No, I want to stay with daddy." Eric whines.

"E, please, go with grandpa." Steve smiles. "I’m fine. You heard too what the doctor said. And you also have to go to school. I bet you missed already too much."

"But, daddy…" Eric makes grabby hands towards his dad and Joseph lets him. His son embraces him and hides his face. "I want to stay with you. What if you need a glass of water? Or a story?"

"I bet the nurses here are really nice and they will help me with anything I need. And if I really need a story, I promise I’ll call grandma and ask her to put you on the phone."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He kisses and embraces his son one more time before his father picks him up again. And then he's kissed and gently embraced by all his family.

After they all say goodbye and leave him alone, a nurse with a soft smile gives him some painkillers and he joins the world of the dreams peacefully.

However, about an hour into the next day Steve is already done with peace. He is bored. Bored. _Booooooooooored_.

Honestly, he has already flipped through all the channels already and there's nothing to see. Daytime TV sucks big time. At least in his books. And he finds it difficult to settle into a comfortable position without feeling like his back is on fire. Damn it.

Just as he is about to give up on it all and call his mother to come and stage a rescue, he hears a decisive knock before a tall man enters his room and Steve almost immediately remembers the steel blue eyes.

The man is dressed in a suit, which seems really expensive even to Steve's untrained eyes, and it shows his well build body. Brown hair is resting just above his broad shoulders. Everything about this man screams power, money and determination and maybe even ruthlessness and that makes Steve feel uncomfortable.

"Steve Rogers," the man says in a gravelly voice and Steve can't contain a shiver, "my name is James Barnes and I’ve come to thank you for saving my life."

And if that doesn't sound ominous, Steve doesn't know what does.


	3. Sparks

"Okay…" He finally manages to mumble because honestly what he is to say. Until two seconds ago, all he cared was how to escape from the hospital.

A moment of awkward silence settles between the two men and Steve feels thoroughly confused: what is he supposed to do with such an introduction?

Although he's a very sociable person, he has no social skills whatsoever.

His family could be blamed for that, crazies with no personal space issues.

But looking at the almost imperial man, Steve feels like a ten-year-old again, in Mr. Robert’s class. The man had a way of making you feel guilty, even for the things that weren't your fault, and his punishments were kind of legendary.

Now he is just as intimidated as back then and if this guy waits for Steve to say something, then he's going to wait for a very long time.

"I understood from my sister that she visited you yesterday…" The man finally opens his mouth and Steve almost sighs in sheer relief. He shouldn't be so affected by this man, but who is he kidding?

"Yes, thank you. She’s been really kind."

"She’s informed me that you refused her offers of help."

"Not that I’m thankful, but I think you have done enough."

"But it's a matter of honor." James looks a little puzzled. "I don’t understand the grounds on which you base your refusal."

"Ok, dude, here's the point," Steve says scowling, not looking to impress the man anymore, "while I’m grateful that you pay my medical bills and you somehow managed convincing the hospital to let my son stay, I must confess everything is a little too much for me."

At the deep frown that the man sports, Steve hurries to add: "Don't get me wrong, I’m grateful. Really _really_ grateful. And thankful, _very_ thankful. But this is more than enough for me."

"You refuse any further help coming from my part?" James doesn't look happy at this prospect at all, and the face he makes probably scares many people in the courtroom, but Steve doesn't understand why this man is so goddamn stubborn into offering his gratitude.

"Oh, fuck." He snaps, but it feels so wrong to swear in the presence of this man that he suddenly blushes.

"I mean, shit. I mean … oh, damn it to all."

He sighs, passing his hand through his blonde locks and James trails his movement with such hungry eyes for a moment that Steve blushes like a goddamn virgin on her prom night.

The moment freezes between them. It’s just a small gesture and yet it grabs all the tension in the room, and it makes Steve swallow hard because so far it seemed as if nothing could move the man in front of him.

The desire behind the steely eyes is gone almost before Steve can react, but it was definitely there, and he has never been mistaken about this sort of things before.

Almost instantly, he's hit by a wave of nausea.

Yes, he's been desired before this moment, but he's never desired back.

Until now.

Because for a moment, for just one infinitesimal moment, he wished those elegant fingers had passed through his hair.

He swallows past the sudden lump in his throat, stricken by the realization, and his hand falls flat on the sheet, grasping it like a saving line.

"It's not like me refuse," he says softly, determined to cut ties with this man as soon as possible, "it's more like thank you, but no more, please? I’m just a minor firefighter, James, and what you have done for me, it’s perfect. If you continue like this, you'll make me feel bad."

"You're a proud man."

"As I believe you are too." Steve smiles a little, but falters when James' face continues to furrow like that.

"Do you treat everyone with such familiarity?" The lawyer finally asks.

"What familiarity?"

"Using first names instead of surnames?"

"Dude," Steve scowls, "I saved your ass. I wouldn't care if you were the emperor himself. I think I’m entitled to be familiar with you."

"I presume such favors can be granted in your case." Steve rolls his eyes. "However, the honor of the Barnes’ is at stake, so the matter of my gratitude should be discussed at another time."

"No, please." Steve huffs, losing his hope of ever being understood by the man in front of him. "Dude, can't you just enquire about my health and be done with it?"

"Forgive me. Of course: how do you feel?"

Steve rolls his eyes. Again. It will become a habit soon and his sister Sasha might have to give him lessons about it. She is the perfect master when it comes to rolling her eyes at someone.

"I feel fine." He grumbles, deciding it would be best to just lie to the man in front of him and pretend nothing serious is going on. "Most likely I’ll be out of here really soon."

"That's not what your doctor said." The man says staring at Steve and the young man gapes like a fish, a very unattractive look on his face. At least that's what Sam says.

"You've talked to my doctor?"

"Of course. My family and I are indebted to you. The doctor has been persuaded very easily to share information when he's learnt what you've done for me. Do you need me to hire a nurse for you when you're released from the hospital? Or a nanny for your son?"

"No!" Steve almost yells but stops himself at the last second. "My mom or one of my sisters will move in with me to help me out with Eric." He lies again. "And I’m not an invalid. I can take care of myself."

"I wasn't trying to state this."

"How are you?" Steve changes the subject quickly before he gets frustrated again. "My sister told me that you weren't very badly wounded."

"I’m fine." The man reluctantly admits.

"You saved me from the impact with the debris when the building almost collapsed on us, so all I had were some bruises and a small concussion. My wrist is broken but I was assured it will heal very well and with a little physical therapy, everything will be all right."

"I’m glad." Steve can't stop himself from smiling briefly at James and the man seems to falter in keeping his mask of impenetrable fortitude.

"I must go now, Rogers." The man's blunt manner of speaking drives Steve crazy. Such formality has never existed in his eyes, family or life. Not even captain Fury lets them speak like that. "But I must insist again to be announced in case you or your family needs my assistance."

"And I must insist again that there's no need to further trouble you. Thank you again for all that you have done for me."

"And I thank you for saving my life, Steve Rogers." James hesitates for a brief second as if he wants to say something else but stops himself and Steve hears him saying goodbye and then leaving the room.

"Goddamn it!" Steve yells as soon as he is left alone, throwing the remote on the other side of the room.

Talk about the most awkward conversation in his fucking life.

His hand finally unclenches from the sheet and he yells his frustration in the pillow.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What is wrong with him?

For four years, he didn't care about anyone else. For four years, he didn't want anybody else, just praying to an unmerciful God to bring his wife back, because this is all he wanted, for Peggy to be with him again. Now this …. this…. frustrating man makes him … _want_ things.

No, it can't be. It’s just a fluke. It won't happen again, because he will make sure never to meet the man.

James Barnes seems like a very important man and in the midst of important business, he will forget about Steve.

Yes, Steve breathes a little better, James will forget about him and they will continue their lives like before. He can't wait to get out of the damn hospital and just get back to his life.

"Daddy!" Eric screams and jumps on the bed, embracing his father with love and adoration and yet careful of his wounds. "I missed you." He mumbles in his ear.

"And I missed you, buddy. People around here kept asking about where my cute son is." Steve relaxes against his son and kisses his head.

"I’m not cute." By simply pouting, the little man definitely demonstrates the opposite and Steve almost laughs. "Girls are cute. I’m handsome."

"Handsome? Where did you hear that word?"

"This morning. A friend of grandma was telling her that she should make her daughter meet that handsome firefighter of hers. And that's you, daddy." Eric smiles adorably like he has understood a very important thing and then scrunches his face, yet again showing just how cute he can be. "I didn't like her, daddy. She wasn't pretty and I bet her daughter wasn't pretty either."

"Well, what did grandma say?"

"She said she will talk about it later, because we were almost late for school."

"Did she now?" Steve squints at his mother as Sarah enters the room with Samantha and Sasha.

She puts an innocent face, but Steve has been trained to see way past that. In the latest years, his mother has tried to persuade him to move along with his life.

"Now, now, son, don't give me that look. I’m sure Sharon is a perfect lady and it would be a pleasure to meet her."

"No way you're planning to hitch your son while he's still in the hospital after bravely doing his duty."

"Since you don't need our assistance after you get out of the hospital, then you don't need for us to fuss about you any longer. And besides, Eric needs a mom in his life."

"No, I don't." Eric says from Steve's arms, startling everyone. The little boy pouts again. "Mommies don't last. I don't want to see daddy sad again." Eric looks at his father and pats his cheek with his small hand. "It's all right, daddy. I’ll protect you. We don't need another mommy, especially an ugly one."

"Eric!" Samantha gasps while all the others laugh.

"It's good to know you have my back, son, because with these three witches over here, I don't know what chances we have left."

"Watch it, Stevie!" Sasha scowls at his brother. "Just who do you think you're calling a witch?"

"I thought it was obvious." Steve smirks at her and Sasha is just about to give him a punch when their mother changes the subject.

"By the way we just met Mr. Barnes." She eyes her son as if he is a piece of meat and Steve shudders at the prospect of having his mother hitching him with anyone. "Why was he here?"

"And on that note, I’m getting out of here." Sasha says. "Come on, Eric, let's see if this place has any decent sweets, and try to bring some to daddy too."

"Yay! Can I go, daddy?"

"Yeah," Steve mumbles reluctantly because he definitely doesn't want to be left alone in the room with his mom and Samantha looking like they are going to feed him to the wolves.

"Evil creature." He whispers to Sasha, who smirks at him.

"You deserve it. Next time watch it that you are making a witch. Let us go, Eric! Time for an adventure!"

They both leave the room and Steve swallows hard looking at the two women in front of him who now smirk peevishly.

"Ok, spit it out."

"What?" Samantha asks innocently and yeah; Steve hasn't been fooled by that look in a long time.

"Whatever it is that you two want to say." Steve scowls. "Because I’m sure that you have something to tell me."

"Well, since you put it like that," his sister comes to sit next to their mother with an evil glint in her eyes, making Steve wish he could get away from them, except that if he continues to press his back like that, he will most likely yell from the pain.

"Apparently Mr. Barnes is gay."

"Uhm, okay. So?"

"So?" His mother intervenes, evil smirk fully in place. "Oh, my son, you're lucky enough you're so pretty."

"I'm not pretty." Steve says crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm handsome."

"Yeah, yeah. As Samantha was saying, James Barnes is gay. At the time he came out, it has been a great scandal because he was previously married to a woman and he came out after her death."

"What?"

"Apparently he married his wife due to his family, but she died and afterwards he came out and since then, nobody knows if he has been in a relationship, because he is a very recluse person."

"Also, he's thirty-three and an important lawyer. He has won three very important cases, and everyone says he is a very smart man. Very powerful too." Samantha looks at his mother with that evil glint in her eyes again. "I would say he is perfect, don't you think, mom? It would be just like in a fairy-tale."

"Ok, I’m going to take the bait and ask. Perfect for what?"

"Perfect for you, Stevie. Perfect for dating you."

Steve is stunned into silence for about three seconds before he almost yells:

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Come on, Steve." His mother smirks. "Don't tell me you haven't seen how hot he looks and his more than perfect ass."

"Oh, my God! That sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth." Steve covers his eyes with his hand. "You're my mother; you're not supposed to be saying stuff like that."

"Steve, I’m married and your mother, but I’m not dead. I can appreciate beauty when I see it." Steve dares to take his hand away from his face, just in time to see Sarah look at her son with a really disturbing look. "And besides you really need to get some action, son."

"It's no wonder you married dad. You two are so much alike." Steve groans blushing really hard.

"Stop saying embarrassing things. All I want right now is to get out of this hospital and spend some time with my son. What James Barnes does or doesn't do is not my business. Actually, anybody's business and I really think we should respect this."

"Already defending your boyfriend, I see." Sasha mocks him as she steps back into the room followed by his son.

"Look, daddy, what we found." Thankfully, Eric is oblivious to what has been said and he drops on the bed various types of candy and small chocolate.

The three women choose not to pursue the subject, but Steve knows that he has not heard the last of it and this definitely makes him shudder.

He spends the rest of the day with his son and then with his firefighter friends and if someone sees the remote control smashed against the opposite wall, nobody says anything.

Nevertheless, that night Steve can't sleep very well.

He can't forget that look of hunger in those blue eyes. He admits that he has done many stupid things in his life but getting involved with this Barnes guy would be his worst.

They are so different and on top of it all, he has a son to think about. Messing around, especially with such a powerful man like James Barnes, would probably be the most stupid thing he's ever done.

The following days pass quickly and with the exception of Rebecca coming for a short visit to drop that Chappy t-shirt for Eric, there is no sign of James Barnes and Steve takes it as a good sign.

He receives baskets of fruit and sweets, which he shares with the rest of the floor on which he is, but other than that, there is no sign that the man might visit him again.

When he gets out of the hospital, he feels so much better.

Just breathing fresh air lifts his spirits and even his family notices that. Sarah and Samantha come to help him settle in again and Steve almost rolls his eyes when he sees the amount of food that his mother has stuffed in the cupboards and in the fridge. 

_"Twelve casseroles of food? Seriously, mom?"_ But Sarah just slaps him over the head and Steve knows when he should keep quiet.

That night they celebrate his return with a small dinner in the family and Steve goes to bed with a silly smile on his face.

In spite of their craziness, he loves his parents and his sisters with the fierceness of a man, who knows how it is like to lose someone dear to you.

It’s in the middle of the night that he is reminded that some things are not so easily to heal.

"Daddy, daddy…" The soft whispers wake him up just in time to feel his son, getting into bed with him.

"What is it, E?" His arms automatically wrap around the small body, bringing him closer to his chest. Steve remembers a time when he couldn't sleep at all without having his son by his side.

"I had a nightmare." His son whispers, holding his teddy-dog Dodger a little tighter. "You were leaving with mom."

"I promised I wouldn't do that, buddy."

"I know." Eric sighs. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Sure, buddy. Sleep tight. Good night, E. Good night, Dodger." He kisses his son and then the teddy bear.

"Good night, daddy." His son shuffles a little closer and then almost instantly falls asleep. Within minutes the warm presence of his son and his gentle breathing makes Steve fall into a peaceful and restful sleep.

When he wakes up in the morning, his bed is empty, but he hears his son is chattering in the kitchen alongside with a woman's voice and Steve groans.

Jesus, his mother really has no faith in him at all. He goes and takes a shower, letting the warm water wash a little of the pain he feels in each bone.

"Daddy, breakfast is ready!"

"Ok…. I’ll come down in a moment."

"Ok!"

Steve sighs again as he gets out of the shower.

He gets dressed and brushes his teeth before finally getting up the courage and coming down to face his mother and her evil plans.

However, there is a strange woman in his kitchen and Steve is almost shocked into silence.

"You are not my mother." He states the obvious and the look in the woman's eyes definitely underlines the stupidity of his affirmation.

"Oh, good morning, Mr. Rogers. My name is Mrs. Potts and I’ve been sent by Mr. Barnes to take care of you and your son."

"Excuse me?"

"She's a nanny, daddy." Eric positively shimmers with glee. "She made pancakes, just like grandma."

Steve suddenly feels cold rage rushing through his veins and he makes a choked-up noise before he smiles stiffly at his son and the confused Mrs. Potts, who can tell something is wrong. He pinches his nose in an attempt to calm himself.

"I need to make a phone call. I’ll be right back."

He quickly goes back in his room and searches for Rebecca's phone number, all the time mumbling curses at her brother and threatening him with various bodily tortures. When Rebecca Barnes finally answers, it takes him a lot to calm himself enough to speak.

"Rebecca, hey, sorry to bother you. It's Steve Rogers."

"Steve?" Her nice voice betrays surprise. "It's good to hear from you. What can I do for you?"

"Can you tell me, please, where your brother has moved his offices to? I need to speak to him urgently."

"It's something the matter?" She asks alarmed.

"No, it's just…" Steve passes his fingers through his hair in a frustrated gesture. "I just need to clear up some things with him. Please, Rebecca, just give me the address."

"I think I’ll hear about this," he can almost hear the smile in her voice, "but if you need to speak with him…" She tells him the address and he quickly writes it down.

"Thank you, Rebecca."

"Just one thing, Steve." She hesitates a little before she continues: "While I know that my brother is a very brusque man, he is also a man incapable of bad intentions. Please remember that when you talk to him."

"I will. Thank you again. Bye."

"Bye."

Steve is not sure if he will remember this by the time he arrives at the imposing building that now is the Barnes's new headquarters.

He calls a cab quickly and then gets down in the kitchen again.

"E, daddy needs to go and take care of a business real quick. Is it ok if you stay with Mrs. Potts here?"

"Yeah, daddy, we are going to finish the drawing for my Art class after I eat." His son pats his cheek again. "You can go, daddy. I promise I’ll be good."

"That's my boy." He kisses him on the cheek quickly and ruffles his hair, before staring down at the woman in front of him. "I trust him with you."

"I promise I’ll take care of him, Mr. Rogers." There's something really authoritative and, at the same time, kind in the woman's eyes and that makes Steve nod briefly and then leave. He rattles the address to the taxi driver as he positively seethes with anger.

He hates the fact that he has specifically told James he doesn't want anything else from him and yet the man didn't listen. He hates that he insists so much to be of help with all, when all Steve wants is a little bit of peace. A treacherous voice reminds him that it might be something more than that, but Steve has had it and he ignores it. He is running on anger and right now, it's the best option to go with.

He enters the new monster of steel and glass and receives a visitor card before he goes to the upper floors, where the Barnes offices apparently are.

Steve ignores the looks that people give him when he finally arrives on the floor he needs. He most certainly doesn't look like one of the rich and often guilty clients of theirs in his battered blue jeans and his old wife beater, which lets some of the bruises to be seen. Steve scowls harder and people step away from him as if he might punch them in the face.

He asks the nice receptionist in front of the elevator where he can find James Barnes’ office and he is nicely led to it when he states his name. Apparently being Steve Rogers means something here, but he does not want to think about its significance. All that he does is concentrating on the anger he feels.

"I need to speak with James right away." He demands as soon as he is in front of the very serious secretary, who looks at him with an eyebrow stretched so far on her forehead that it almost touches her hairline.

"Mr. Barnes is very busy at the moment. Please leave a message with me and I’m sure he will get back to you."

Steve sees red before him and suddenly he just goes for the door, ignoring the secretary who yells after him. He opens the door and enters the room like a storm, startling the older man:

"I need to speak with you right now!" He demands ignoring the secretary who profusely asks for James' forgiveness.

"It's all right, Lisa. Mr. Rogers can come and visit me any time he wants." The moment she hears his name, she pales and starts to apologize to him, but Steve is in no mood for it.

"It's all right. You didn't know."

"Lisa, please leave us alone and make sure no one disturbs us." Steve feels on fire, the anger too much for his battered body and once they are left alone, he explodes:

"Are you out of your mind? Or you just won't listen?"

"Excuse me? I don't know what you mean."

"I said I don't want you to hire anyone for me, but you apparently don't fucking listen, so I have to repeat myself again. I don't fucking want anything from you, dude. How many times do I’ve to say it? I get that you're grateful, and I get that you think that maybe you haven't done enough to thank me. But believe me when I tell you it's more than enough. Stop making me feel like an asshole. I know you're trying to help, but I don't want anything at all from you, except to be fucking left alone. You got that?"

"Steve, I’m thankful to you for saving my life," James keeps his blank face, "and it's an honor to take care of you."

"To hell with your honor!" Steve yells. "Stop sending me people and things. I don't need any of those things. God, don't you get it? I don't want anything. You said thank you, I said welcome, why can't you just let this go?"

"Because you have saved my life."

"I’ve done what every other fireman in my squad would have done. It just happened to be me. Please, stop with this gratitude. It's really misplaced."

"No, it’s not. But maybe my approach to it has been miscalculated."

"What do you mean?" Steve asks afraid of this turn of events because he doesn't like this one bit.

"Maybe it's time for a new approach."

"No, I don't-"

"From now on, Steve, I’ll be the one at your disposal."

And truly, Steve is just too stunned to give him a reply.


	4. Flare

He blinks a few times, too confused to say anything before finally collapsing on a comfortable chair in front of this man who drives him insane.

He passes his fingers through his hair and tugs a little bit before finally looking up again, at the man in front of him.

James Barnes, fucking rich lawyer extraordinaire, wants to make himself available for Steve whenever he needs him. And isn't that hysterical?

"Ok, I think we got on a wrong foot here." He eventually dares to open his mouth, sighing because in spite of being released from the hospital, he's still in pain and tired and what he really wants is just to crawl in his bed, knowing that this man will stop terrorizing him with his proofs of gratitude.

"Realistically speaking, you don't have time to be at my disposal." Steve continues in a soft voice, which rather startles James. "I’m sure you are a very important man and changing your offices and getting back to business can't be easy for you either. I mean, honestly I think you're still recovering from what happened."

"I’m not a damsel in distress, Rogers, although you've saved me."

"Relax, dude, I know, although you probably wouldn't look too good in a gown anyways." Steve smirks a little bit but gets no reaction from the man in front of him, so he sighs in resignation. "It must be difficult for you too." He adds gently and this time those eyes bright as kyanite fill with a certain emotion that has not been there before, and that Steve can't name.

"Things indeed have been a little shaky since we got back in business."

"A little? James, you have opened your business again, and have changed the headquarters in less than a week. I really think that you have already too many things on your mind to deal with me too."

"Care to explain something to me, Rogers?" When Steve nods softly, James continues: "Why do you refuse my help? It comes from gratitude and it’s honorable in trying to make your life a little easier."

"May I ask you something in return before I answer?"

James frowns and Steve would almost smile if the situation weren't so fucked up. He bets that not many people dare to do this to James Barnes. However, the man just nods, without saying anything else.

"Why are you trying so hard to thank me? And don't say because your honor or your pride says so, dude, because I’m not buying it. You have already paid all my medical expenses and you tried to make my life easier by sending Potts, who is utterly frightening, but looks like a nice woman. But why? Why all of this?"

"Because you seem the only person who's genuine enough not to want anything from me." Yeah, and Steve is sure that this is definitely not the answer that he was expecting.

He looks at James as he gets out a file from his desk with his healthy hand and opens it a little clumsily. Nothing regal in the movements this time, but the clumsiness is almost cute. As cute as a person such as James Barnes can be. If he is honest with himself, Steve feels a little overwhelmed by all this attention.

"Let me get this straight: you want to help me because I _refuse_ your help?"

"Yes. Here is the thing, Rogers. I’ve done a little research on you and I’ve discovered that you are a worthy man indeed."

When eventually the words sink in and Steve understands what the folder is actually about, he feels that anger boil in his veins again. It gets into every nerve, into every cell of his body and his hands tighten on his knees because he really does not want to burst with it.

"You what? You _researched_ me?" Steve spits and he's trying to contain his anger, _he_ _is_ , but he's not very successful.

"But of course." The older man looks actually a little confused at the anger that starts to be visible on Steve's face. "I learned about your wife and about your child and how much good you have done as a fireman. I had to make sure that you were worthy of my help."

Oh, and if that is not the wrong thing to say, Steve does not know what could be.

"You fucking checked up on me?" He growls this time, not caring that the man in front of him turns into a perfect statue. "You checked up to see my fucked-up life? To see how I struggle to continue my life after my wife died in a car accident? How I struggle to take care of my kid, when my job doesn't help me much? How I couldn't sleep or breathe for almost two years without my wife by my side? Is this the fucking facts that you have discovered about me?"

Steve breathes deeply but nothing helps.

"What were you hoping to discover? That I kill puppies in my free time? That I like to whore myself around when no one could see? Worthy of your gratitude?" Steve almost howls. "I'll piss on your fucking gratitude!"

He gets up so fast he almost gets sick on the nice expensive carpet that James most likely paid a lot of money for. He grabs the back of the chair and tightens his hand on it breathing deeply a couple of times before he steadies himself and looks at James, whose face portrays nothing.

"You fucking asshole. All I ever wanted from your part was a fucking _thank you_ and that's it. No grand gestures of gratitude, no showering me with all kind of stupid baskets. That's it, just _thank you_. But now you listen to me: you fucking stay away from me and my kid and my family. By the time I get home, I want that Potts woman out of my house and I really hope never to hear from you again. I’ll send you the money for my medical expenses and I want you out of my life. Don't ever contact me again!"

"Don't you think you're a little over dramatic?" The blank face and the sour voice enrages Steve so much that he just spits a _fuck you, asshole!_ and gets out of the office without looking back.

How dare he? How fucking dare he to check on him and look at all those painful memories from Steve's past and throw them to his face?

How dare he think that he can do anything just because he is a fucking rich bastard and doesn't know how to deal with people, who are genuinely nice to him without caring who he is?

Well, fuck him and fuck this! He's done! If he never hears the name James Barnes again, that would be great.

He knows he won't make it home by himself now. He gets downstairs and throws up in the visitors' toilet without caring about the strange looks that people give him. He is bruised, battered, and ready to be done with it all and he will fucking kill James Barnes, if he ever gets to see the man again.

His sapphire eyes water over the power of the wretchedness and doubles over the toilet before he finally collapses of the pristine floor and looks up at the ceiling, trying to calm down his nerves and not scream in pain.

Seeing that woman in his kitchen, this morning made him forget about the pills and he regrets it now, but can't do anything else. He gets his phone out and calls his sister Sasha.

"Stevie!" She says happily. "How do you feel being home at long last?"

"Good…" He tries to cough a little in the hope of clearing up his voice, but does not succeed much, because almost immediately his sister knows something is wrong.

"What is it, Stevie? What happened?"

"Can you call Samantha and tell her to get to my place and take care of Eric till I get there?"

"Yes, sure, but where are you?"

"I'm at the fucking Barnes' offices and I got sick." He grumbles and then sighs again. "Can you call Odinson and tell him to come and pick me up? He's the only one who's not working until afternoon."

"Sure, of course." He tells her the address and explains her where Odinson can find him, when Sasha hesitates a little before adding: "Stevie, something bad happened, hasn't it?"

"That fucking bastard, Sasha." Steve swallows against the sudden lump in his throat. Peggy, his beautiful Peggy, dead and that fucking asshole has mentioned it like a common fact, like it was nothing. "He did research on me, to make sure I’m _worthy_ of his gratitude."

"What?"

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about it right now. Can you do what I asked? Promise I’ll explain everything if you come tonight and have dinner with us. And don't tell mom or Samantha."

"Sure, Stevie. Hang on. I promise I’ll come by tonight."

"Thank you, sis."

"Take care."

He does not know how long he stays in the bathroom and he really doesn't care.

He thinks about the events since the fire in the Barnes offices and how it messed up his life. He thinks about Eric and how sometimes things are really difficult because he can't always be next to his son due to his job. And he thinks about Peggy and her laugh and how she used to tease him. She was full of life and they could have been so happy together, if she had stayed alive.

When Odinson finally opens the stall, Steve doesn’t say anything, and his friend helps him get up.

He feels weak and pathetic remembering all the suffering and pain and the guilt. He is happy that he has called Odinson because out of all his friends, he is the only one who doesn't ask questions, who doesn't tease him or try to find out what happened.

He carefully takes him back to his car and if people look weirdly at him, Steve doesn't notice because he's just in too much pain.

The drive home seems to last forever and when they finally arrive, he takes a few breaths to calm himself and not look like he wants to just die right there and then. His son has been scared enough.

"Daddy, daddy, look!" Eric screams as soon as he sees his father, holding a drawing. "That Potts lady went away, but auntie Samantha came by and we finished the drawing. Is it good, daddy?"

Steve's vision swims but he just smiles softly at his son and ruffles his hair:

"It's more than good, it's great!" He can see Samantha and Odinson exchange some curious and confused glances between the two of them, but Steve is too damn tired to react to any of it.

"Really?" Eric's smile brightens the world.

"Really. You've done a great job, son." Steve kisses him on the head and then adds: "Now daddy is going to rest a little and then we can have lunch together, what do you say?"

"Great!" Eric slams into him, gives him a hug and then he is back in the living room, ready to continue his drawing.

"Stevie, should I get you anything?" Samantha asks in a hesitant voice and he grimaces in pain.

"A glass of water, Sam, and the pills the doctor gave me. I'm not feeling very well."

"You haven't eaten anything."

"I know but I promise I’ll eat later." He turns to Odinson. "Thanks man, for the ride. Promise I'll make it up to you."

"No problem. Just take care of yourself. See you later."

"See you."

Steve crawls back into his room and just pulls the covers over his head. When Samantha comes and gives him the pills, he takes them without hesitation and then he's left alone.

Overly dramatic, his ass. That fucking asshole! Seriously?

Steve closes his eyes and tries to forget what just happened. He doesn't want to care about James Barnes anymore.

He opens his eyes a little bit and looks at Peggy's picture on the nightstand.

She smiles at him, her big brown eyes sparkling with mischief. Steve is holding her in his arms, bridal style, and she makes a small victory sign. He can still smell her perfume and he can still hear her laugh that day. _Come on, mama, take the picture before Steve throws me in the river_ , she had said to Sarah, laughing. And Steve thinks he has never loved someone more than her in that moment. He grins madly in the picture too. They were so happy.

Peggy had been an orphan and her grandma, who didn't give her too much love, raised her.

When they met in college, she was studying design and he was taking some pre-med classes, thinking that this is what he wanted to do at the time.

She laughed at his scowls and his blushing, in spite of having some experience in the love affairs. She was so perfect. She made him forget about everything else and no one quite compared to her.

They argued and made love with the same passion and she was always ready to give him a piece of her mind. She also fit perfectly in his family and she was showered with all the love that she hasn't received for so long.

She was perfect for him, completing him in ways he never dreamed of. Up to that point, he had gone out with both girls and guys, searching for someone right for him.

He even thought he had it when he met a guy during his freshman year, but he was proved wrong.

Peggy knew what she wanted, and she wanted Steve.

Moreover, she was the one who encouraged him to follow his dream, made him give up pre-med and just join the firefighters, because he wanted action and to be a hero, although she hated the fact that something might happen to him on the job, she was very proud of him.

He knew she was the one for him one morning when he came back from work and she was there, dressed in a flowery dress preparing breakfast for him before going to work.

Her face lightened up when she saw him and he just crashed on his knees begging her to marry him, because he wasn't going to live without her another minute. When she said yes, the world was ablaze with their love.

He reaches the picture with a finger and gently caresses her face. He misses her so much sometimes he can't breathe.

"Peggy…" He whispers gently and falls asleep just like that.

Several hours later, he gets up again, takes a shower, and eats something while Samantha and Eric ramble happily around him. He successfully avoids his sister's gentle prodding and spends the rest of his Saturday afternoon helping Eric with his drawing and watching cartoons together.

By the time Sasha comes, he is more than ready to eat again. Laughing, Sasha prepares them diner and watches as both Steve and Eric wolf down the food. It’s really endearing to see the two of them so alike.

"Daddy, Chappy time!" Eric exclaims and Steve groans, but goes into the living room and lets Eric settle on the comfortable sofa ready to watch another episode of the crazy cartoon named Chappy.

"You need anything else?" He asks giving his son a little bowl of popcorn and settling a glass of water in front of him.

"No, daddy. Thank you." Eric looks up at him. "Don't you want to watch it too?"

"I would, buddy, but I need to speak to your auntie Sasha about something. If you need us, we'll be in the kitchen all right?"

"Ok, daddy. I promise I’ll tell you all about it."

Steve smiles again at his son who is already humming the theme song from the show and goes back in the kitchen where Sasha already expects him with a cup of tea.

"Seriously? Tea?" He scowls at her. He didn't even know he had tea in the house.

"I won't give you coffee, Stevie, so stop scowling at me, sit down and tell me what happened today with James."

Steve scowls some more but sits down and takes a sip. The tea is not bad and before he knows it, he tells Sasha everything and he downs not one, but two cups of tea.

"So, you basically ran out of his office without letting him explain." She concludes when he finishes.

"Explain what, Sasha?" Steve mumbles back. "I don't need his explanations anyways."

"Stevie, I know you better than anyone else, so when I'm saying that you're not telling me everything, I don't think I’m mistaken." She squints at him making him look back a little guilty.

"This time you're mistaken."

"I don't believe you, but I’ll let it go." She looks at him thoughtfully.

"How are you going to give him back the money that you owe him?"

"Well, it's not like it's that much because honestly I was wounded while doing my job."

"Stevie, let him at least have this."

"No."

"God, you're so stubborn!" She exclaims and throws her hands up. "So, he did a little research on you. Big deal. Who knows what is like to live in his world? Probably there aren't many people genuinely honest with him."

"Not like people would dare that." Steve observes. "Have you seen his eyes? They can almost read into your soul." At Sasha's smirk, Steve blushes a little. "What? Can't a guy observe another guy's eyes without someone reading something into it?"

"You just be happy I don't mention this to mom. Or Samantha."

Steve shudders.

"I don't know which one would be worse. They told you about their stupid ideas, didn't they?"

"Oh, yes." Sasha smiles evilly. "And don't tell me you wouldn't have liked that."

"Seriously?" He rolls his eyes. "You're just as bad as they are."

"Yeah, Stevie, but you can't blame us. For the past four years, you have dated two people. Peggy would probably kick your ass for this and then she would tell you to get the fuck over yourself."

"It's just hard." Steve looks a little lost and his sister's eyes become softer. "I just can't be with another woman."

"Then try with a man." Sasha says gently. "It's time, Steve. You can't mourn her forever, she wouldn't want this for you, you know that. You need someone in your life; you can't be alone for the rest of your life. And you can't react like this every time someone mentions her death."

"Easy for you to say." Steve bites back and is ashamed of himself almost immediately. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Sasha kisses tenderly his cheek. "I just miss my crazy older brother, you know? And I’m sure he didn't die that night. Please, just let him get back to us. I’m sure Eric would love him too."

They don’t speak about it anymore and Steve is grateful for his sister's discretion. If his mother would find out about, she would react in a very different way.

A couple of days later, he starts to feel much better, although he's getting bored while he waits for his son to finish school, so he can go and pick him up.

His friends call him or visit him, and they try to distract him, but Steve has always been a very energetic person, so he starts to feel restless.

He is just about to clean his living room, when someone knocks on his door. He rolls his eyes because if it’s his mother again with tons of food, he is going to kill himself.

He is actually surprised when Rebecca smiles shyly at him.

"Hey, Steve. Can I come in?"

The man tenses almost immediately, and Rebecca can see that, because her smile falls off her face and now, she looks worried.

"I promise I’m not here because my brother sent me or something."

"Ok, yeah, sorry. Please, come in."

The truth is he likes this petite woman because anyone who is kind enough with his son is good in his books. But her brown hair and those eyes remind him a little too much of her brother and that doesn't sit really well with him.

He invites her to sit on the couch and asks her if she needs anything. She politely declines and an awkward silence falls between them. Steve sees that it has been very difficult for her to come to him, so his face softens when he asks:

"So, what can I do for you?"

"Oh, I… Look, Steve, I said that my brother hasn't sent me, but I want to talk about him a little, if you don't mind, I want to explain you why he did what he did."

"He told you."

"Yes," the woman blushes prettily, "and trust me when I tell you that he heard my own piece of mind. Probably Thomas's too. And although his gesture isn't justified, I assure you that he has an excuse."

"Look, Rebecca, I’m grateful that you have come here to explain but-"

"Please, Steve just hear me out, ok? And then you can throw me out of your house, if you would like."

Steve sighs in resignation because he can't refuse her plead.

"Very well. Why did your brother have a research on me?"

"Wow, you really are a direct man. I see now why Bucky likes you so much." Steve blushes startled but Rebecca continues without noticing: "The thing is being a Barnes is a really hard thing to be, especially if you are the heir of the entire fortune. My family isn't a very nice family and my brother has made a lot of sacrifices for their sake."

"Like marrying a woman."

"Yes, like marrying a woman, when she clearly didn't have anything for him either. But Natasha was a lady and she’s been friends with my brother. Truth be told, Steve, my brother and I didn't have many friends. Moreover, people are always ready to lie to us just to get something from us, even our own family members. So, when he met you, a stranger, who was willing to sacrifice himself for his life, he was suddenly confused, and he did what he was used to do: get ready to be disappointed."

"You're saying he expected me to just be happy for his gifts?"

"And probably ask for more. So, when you didn't do that, on the contrary you refused him, you threw him into a loop. He has never met a man like you, Steve. These are his very own words."

Steve blushes again because he has never learned how to deal with compliments. Rebecca smiles kindly at him.

"I know that Bucky is emotionally stunned," she chuckles, "God help me, but it's true. However, he would never hurt a person on purpose, Steve, and he truly regrets what he has done to you. He was just so used to being used that not happening this for the first time in his life is really too shocking for him."

"Something bad has happened to him too, hasn't it?" Rebecca nods.

"Yes, but that's another story and I can't tell you that." She smiles sadly at him and all of the sudden her eyes are watery. "Please, forgive my brother, Steve, and try to befriend him. I promise you that in spite of being a difficult man, he is worth the trouble. And he really needs a sincere person such as you in his life."

"Rebecca," Steve pinches his nose, "I understand your concern for your brother's well-being, but how can we become friends? I’m a father and a firefighter, these two take too much of my life and I’m a simple man after all. Even oblivious as I’m, I know who the Barnes’ are. I can't just…"

"Please, Steve. Don't hold this against him. He is a simple man after all. Just … if nothing else call him and tell him you forgive him. He's like a bear with a sore head these days."

"I can only imagine." Steve smiles softly. "Ok, I’ll call your brother and try to reason with him."

"Thank you." Rebecca gets up and smiles gently at him. "My brother is really lucky to have found you."

"Oh, God, enough with the compliments!" Steve exclaims blushing so hard that even his ears burn.

"Sorry. I’ve to go now but thank you for listening to me."

"No, thank you for explaining this to me."

"Oh, and do you mind if I bring some stuff with Chappy for Eric? He seems to really love it." Steve wants so badly to say no, but he can't do it. This woman is just too nice.

"Sure, yeah. But what's you and your husband with this bunny? Personally, he gives me the creeps."

"I’m Chappy's creator."

Steve is so stunned; he can almost hear imaginary crickets. Rebecca just looks mischievously at him as he gets really red.

"Oh, God, just kill me now. Sorry, I'm sorry."

"Nah, relax, Thomas kind of hates it too, but he loves me too much to tell me straight to my face and I make him feel so guilty that he wears the t-shirts to promote Chappy."

"You are one evil woman."

"Don't I know it!" She chuckles. "Thank you, Steve. Bye. I’ll see you soon."

"Yeah, sure, bye."

It takes him another half an hour staring at the phone before he finally grabs the card and punches James's phone number. It rings just once before the gravelly voice answers, making Steve shiver and a strange sensation burns into his belly. It must be the pills.

"Hello?"

"Hey. It's Steve." The man reacts almost immediately.

"Something's the matter? Do you need anything?"

"No, nothing bad happened. I…" Steve trails trying to gather his thoughts. "Can we meet this afternoon? I need to talk to you."

If the man is amazed, he does not portray anything.

"Sure. Where?"

Steve tells him the address of a nice restaurant and they settle for the hour, before saying goodbye.

For the rest of the day, Steve is kind of a mess, although he doesn't know why.

It’s not like he fixed a date with the guy, for crying out loud.

But for once he's not annoyed by the hungry looks that some of the single moms throw his way when he goes to pick Eric from school.

He jokes with his son and smiles at all his stories, but the queasy feeling remains and when he asks Samantha to babysit Eric again, she doesn't say anything but he can see that her curiosity has picked something up and maybe her questions won't be thrown off so easily like the last time.

He also acts like a thirteen-year old girl on her first date because he spends half an hour deciding how he should get dressed.

In the end, he settles on some jeans and a blue shirt, which makes a good job out of hiding his bruised back. By the time, he gets to the restaurant he is almost ready to throw up.

Jesus, what is wrong with him? It’s not like he was in the wrong here.

It’s no surprise that James already expects him, but Steve is surprised to see the other man dressed casually in some black slacks and a grey shirt. It’s the first time he sees him without a suit.

"Hey, James, sorry I’m late."

"I arrived early." Steve sits down and then orders something to drink before looking back at James, deciding he shouldn't get intimidated.

"Look, dude, I just wanted to apologize for how I reacted that day."

"No, there's no need. I-"

"Just shut up and listen to me, before I change my mind." Steve says grumpily and James is astounded, but lets him continue: "I’m not used to this sort of things happening in my life and I think I was really rattled by you being overly grateful, if there is such an expression, but I'm sorry for being asshole to you."

"I’m sorry for being an… asshole too."

"That's good because on the way here I thought about your best way to be grateful to me." James tenses a little bit, but Steve just smirks at him knowingly and says. "I think you should be my friend."

"Your what?" Now James is truly astonished and Steve chuckles in a very manly way, thank you very much.

"Your friend, dude. What, you never had one of those?"

"I’m not sure." It’s Steve's turn to gape like a fool.

"Well, then, congratulations, you have just won your first genuine friend. Well, as long as you stop with the nonsense of your damn gratitude."

James's blue eyes fill with that mysterious emotion again and then warm up just a little bit.

"Thank you." He mutters in that gravelly voice of his and Steve smiles.

"You're welcome. Oh, and no Rogers crap, either. You just call me Steve."

"Very well … Steve."

James's lips twitch into almost a smile and Steve knows with certain clarity that he is screwed.

He does not know how yet, but the man in front of him is the guilty one. Friends… well, he will have to wait and see if this works out.

"Good, now, let's eat, dude! I'm starving." He looks back in the menu and he misses the look of pure wonder on James's face.


	5. Flame

"So, you told him you would be friends," his mother is leering in his ear again and Steve wonders for just one brief moment how in the hell she always manages to find out what's going on in his life.

"Mom, seriously, we are _just_ friends," he exasperatedly tries to stop her before she starts planning his gay wedding.

"Sure, my son, you keep telling yourself that," she says sweetly at the other end of the phone, but he does not buy this act at all, because he knows his mother better than anyone else.

"Mom, come on!" Steve protests because this is all he can do, like protesting has ever helped his cause. Yeah, right. "Stop making assumptions when you know they are untrue."

"You know," his father chimes and Steve feels cornered again, just like when he started to have this phone conference with his parents; and to think that the morning has started so quietly, "for a man that claims he's not interested in Barnes, you surely protest too much."

"Dad, you're supposed to be on my side! Since when do you gang up with mom against me?"

"I’ve learned my lesson well, dear son." His father admits on a whiny tone and there's an evil chuckle coming from his mom, enough to make Steve mumble:

"You are one evil woman and I don't know how you can call yourself my mother."

"Boy, you didn't let me sleep for a year after you got out of my womb, so I’m more than entitled to tease you mercilessly for the rest of your life." His mother laughed. "I’ve never thought I’ll be glad to have you rescue a man so much like I’m now."

"You make difficult for someone to love you, just so you know."

"But you love me anyways." She sing-songs and Steve smiles because it's true.

Since he has given up pre-med, things have awfully tensed with his father, although the old man tried not to show how disappointed he had been when his son didn't follow his footsteps.

However, his mother has always been more than supportive with everything that he has chosen to do in his life and has always easily accepted his quirkiness.

"Too much, apparently." He mumbles, trying not to let her hear how much he loves her.

"See? So, what happened afterwards?"

"Nothing much. We ate, discussed about our jobs and small things and left. Nothing else happened."

"Were you a gentleman and took him back to his house?" His father intervenes and Steve rolls his eyes. Yeah, on the other hand his dad too has been more than a little acceptant when it came to Steve's preferences.

"That was exactly what I wanted to ask too." Sarah admits and sends a kiss through the wire that makes Steve gag.

"Jesus, you are my parents. Try to act like ones." Steve rolls his eyes. "And I’ve mentioned before, it wasn't a goddamn date, so I didn't have to do anything of the sort. Not to mention the fact that I don't see anyone leading James Barnes back to his house."

"Unless they want sex."

"God, old man, I swear to God, you're worse than mom."

"My beautiful son," his father says, "you know that we want what's best of you and if you think this Barnes guy makes you happy, then we are more than glad to welcome him in the family. Of course, that he will have to take the Rogers test but-"

"He's not going to take any test because that won't be necessary." Steve scowls although his parents can't see him.

"What makes you think that he is interested in me like that anyways? Just because he didn't know how to show his gratitude, that doesn't mean that he wants to be more. And seriously, guys, I love you very much, but you need to stop doing this. James and I are nothing more than friends. Hell, we aren't even there yet, so please, stop misreading things."

There's a moment of silence at the other end of the phone and Steve pinches his nose because he can almost picture the silent communication that goes between his parents.

This is something that he has always admired about them. It's like they are reading each other's mind. They have been doing this since Steve was little, communicating with a gesture or a glance and sometimes they would just stare in each other's eyes for two seconds and it felt that an entire conversation was taking place between them. Afterwards his father would nod, and his mother would say what was supposed to be said, like they had just agreed.

"Very well, I won't say anything else." Steve almost sighs in relief before his father adds: "For now at least."

"You are priceless."

"I know." He can imagine his dad's maniac grin and Steve sighs again.

"So, tell me, have you been eating properly?" His mother gets backs in the conversation.

"Mom, I’m thirty, I think I’m more than capable to feed myself and my child. And on top of that, you stuffed my fridge with tons of your casseroles. Stop worrying, you know that I’m not invalid and that I can take care of myself and E, right?"

"Nonsense. Why should you do that when you have me and a sister who owns a bakery?"

"Mom, I think ten casseroles for two days is more than enough."

"Very well. And how is Eric?"

"He's good. No more nightmares. In fact, I’ll have to go soon, so I can pick him up from school and maybe go in the park with him."

"Fine, I got the message. We will let you go then but try to come visit us at the end of this week. You stay all day at home, and we see you even less than when you're working."

"Sure, mom. We'll stop by this Saturday."

"Ok, Stevie. Take care of yourself and we will hear each other soon, ok?"

"Ok, mom, love you, bye. Bye, dad."

"Bye, son. Take care."

Steve hangs up the phone and sighs. Maybe his parents should have opened a match-making company instead of a clinic. They would have had definite success with their persistence.

In truth it's been only three days since that dinner and Steve still doesn't know what to make of it. He glances at his watch and he sees that it's time to go for Eric. He takes his hoodie and gets out of the house.

It's a beautiful day outside and the sun is shining, caressing his blond locks. His likes his neighborhood.

Peggy found their house when she tried to find the house of one of her friends while visiting. She got lost and found the house with the ad for selling.

She had known that it was the perfect house for them, small but with a nice garden in the back, in a quiet part of New York. When she showed it to Steve, he fell in love with it too.

He inhales deeply and looks around. James Barnes…. Talk about an enigma.

Steve still doesn't understand what it is with this man and what keeps him fascinated, but at that diner it seemed as if James couldn't believe that Steve would want something like this from him.

 _Friendship_.

Steve swallows a little hard.

He could be friends with him, if he could just ignore the stares and the long looks… which he returned because he's not made of ice, for crying out loud.

He can see how handsome James is, but they are worlds apart and both of them have been through so much. He shakes a little his head for these are too dangerous thoughts.

When he arrives at school, Eric is already expecting him. He's talking to a small boy with brown hair and similar eyes, but as soon as he sees Steve, he waves his little friend goodbye.

"Daddy!" He yells happily and launches himself into his father's awaiting arms. Matching blond locks glitter in the sun and it's still incredible to see them like this. By the look on everyone's faces, it's really magical to see them together.

"Eric," Steve's voice rumbles, making his son giggle, "have you been good today?"

"Yes, daddy, I promised, didn't I?" His boy answers in all his seriousness and it makes Steve smile affectionately.

He hoists his son, raising him from the ground, and gives him another hug. Small legs come around his waist and little hands move around his neck, still careful not to touch his back. The little heart beats faster against his and Steve smiles again, inhaling the fresh smell of his son and thinking for a second that this is the reason why he's still alive.

"Daddy, I missed you." His son mumbles in his neck and Steve starts walking, ignoring the women around them and their hungry eyes or gushing sounds.

"I missed you too. Being alone in the house without you, buddy, is really hard."

"Maybe I shouldn't go back to school until you go back to work, daddy. Just to keep you company."

Steve chuckles. His son is devious just like his mother used to be.

"Are you ready to leave Daniel alone? You know that he would miss you terribly and he would have to discuss with the girls what happened to Chappy."

Danny has been Eric's friend since they had first met in kindergarten. Years later, they were lucky enough to get in the same grade.

They have been best friends ever since that first day and nothing has changed between them. They are both obsessed with Chappy and think girl have cooties (Steve secretly loves this stage in his child's life since he dreads the moment when he will have to explain his son the theory of birds and bees).

Eric looks a little uncertain at his father, furrowing his brow in the cutest way. His hair has grown just a little and Steve loves passing his fingers through that mope of hair. So, he thinks his son is the most beautiful boy in the world, sue him.

"Maybe I should go to school. Emily has been mean to Danny today. I’ve to protect him."

"I think so too." Steve smiles at him. "I’ll just wait patiently to come and pick you up."

"Ok, daddy, but if you miss me too much, I can leave Dodger with you to take care of you too."

"I think that would be the best." Truth be told, that bear kind of freaks Steve out but he's so not going to admit that to his son. Or to anyone else, for that matter.

"Daddy, you can put me down now. I don't want to hurt your back." His son whispers and kisses his cheek before Steve smiles full of love at him and lets him get down. His wounds have been healing steadily but his back still gives him trouble and he still can't move much without a little bit of pain.

"So, do you have much homework?"

"Not so much."

"Then how about we get home, eat something and then we can go in the park and have fun a little?"

"Yeah!" Eric pumps his fist up and Steve smiles again. This is what always happens when he's around his son.

They go home and change quickly. His son refuses to eat, saying he's not hungry, so they just head for the park.

Eric meets some his friends there and they laugh together as they try everything from slides to swings to the sand box, back to swings again. However, all this time Eric is more than a little aware where his father stays and every once in a while, he calls for him and waves at him, Steve returning quickly the gesture.

Ever since Peggy died, his son has had nightmares that he would end up alone, that his father would die too, and it has been really difficult to convince him that this wasn't something that was going to happen really soon.

But no matter how much love Steve shows to his son and no matter how much family time he's offering him, Eric's fear is still there and the wound that his mother's death had left is taking a toll on both of them.

He's just waving again when his phone rings and he's more than a little surprised to see that it's James's number. They haven't heard each other since that diner and a strange burn fills his stomach. It must be something he ate or the pills. Definitely the pills.

"Hey James! How are you?" He dares to finally answer.

"Hey Steve. I’m fine." The gravelly voice replies, making Steve shudder in a very delicious way, which he won't admit. _Ever_. "How are you?"

"Fine as well. How's work?"

"It's fine." There's a small hesitation before the answer and Steve frowns. "What are you doing?"

"I’m with Eric in the park. It's a really beautiful day and I didn't want to waste it." Steve hesitates a little before he continues: "Hard day at work?"

"Yes." James admits, startling Steve with his honesty. "Unfortunately moving offices and trying to get back some of the folders is more of a tedious business than I thought, and people aren't the same efficient selves."

"What happened must have taken a toll on them." Steve sighs again. He has seen this before: people too shocked by a tragedy in their lives and unable to be the same again. He is the perfect example for that. Or used to be anyways.

"Yes, it's true."

Steve ponders a little, before he decides that maybe James is worth taking a risk.

"Look, I don't know if you're into this, but I have an idea. Do you want to join me and Eric for lunch? We haven't eaten anything yet."

"I don't want to impose."

"James, I’ve invited you. Just come. We'll eat in the garden. It's what friends do: they impose on each other without restrictions."

"Really?"

"You have much to learn." Steve smiles. "So how about it?"

There's silence at the other end of the phone and Steve wonders briefly if he has done the right thing.

"Yes, I’ll accept your invitation. When should I stop by?"

"Give us half an hour and then come. You know the address, don't you?" He asks the question without any accusation, but there's still hesitation in James's voice when he answers:

"Yes. I’ll see you soon."

"Ok, see you later."

Steve hangs up the phone and looks back at Eric who just builds a small sandcastle with the other children. His eyes shine as another tower of sand falls from the specially shaped bucket.

There's a smudge of sand on his left cheek and his clothes are full of sand, but he looks so happy and content that Steve doesn't have it in him to tell him to be careful. The children are gathered around him and they listen to his commands while building along.

What will Eric think of James? And how the older man will react at the boy? When they agreed to be friends, Steve forgot that James most likely has zero experience with children; maybe he does not even like children.

"Eric!" He raises his voice a little, but it's more than enough for his son to hear him and tilt his head almost like a puppy. "Come on! Time to get home."

"But, daddy, we haven't finished the castle yet."

"I know, but we haven't eaten anything and there's homework to do."

"Ok." He petulantly answers and gives some instructions to his partners in building castles, before finally getting out of the sand box. He runs towards Steve.

"Ready?"

"Yes." Eric slips his hand in his father's and Steve's stomach flutters just like every time. Peggy's most precious gift to him.

"So, I’ve invited a friend to have lunch with us. Do you mind?"

"Is it Odinson?" Eric asks curiously. "Because he promised me he would teach me how to play the guitar."

"No, sorry, it's not Odinson."

"Then is it Sam? Will he bring me cookies?" His son asks impatiently without really listening to his dad, while hopping every once in a while, in a strange game of avoiding any cracks in the pavement. However, his little hand never leaves Steve's.

"No, it's not Sam either. Uhm, do you remember the tall man that spoke with the doctors so they would let you stay with me in the hospital?"

"Does he have long hair?" Eric scrunches his little face again.

"Yes."

"I remember him, daddy. Will he come to eat with us?"

"Yes."

"Is it because he doesn't have any food at home?"

Steve snickers. Something tells him that James has enough money to buy a restaurant, if he wanted it.

"He has food at home too, but he is alone, and he doesn't have any friends either."

"But he is your friend now daddy, isn't he?"

"Yes, that's why I’ve invited him to lunch."

"Can I be his friend too? Maybe Danny will want to be friends with him too."

"That's very generous of you. I think he will like that."

Eric nods and then continues to hop alongside his dad, while Steve just feels happy enough that his son doesn't seem intimidated to meet James again. Now if only the older man would make the transition as easily as his son.

They arrive home and Steve sends Eric to wash his face and hands and then change his dirty clothes while he prepares the food. Well, actually preparing the food is a little too much said because his mother's casseroles are filling his fridge and he just has to reheat them.

He is setting the table in the garden where the trees offer the perfect shade, when he hears the doorbell and Eric's yell that he will answer. He smiles deviously as he imagines James's face when the door will be opened by a seven-year old with a serious look on his face.

As he enters in the house, he hears small chatter coming from the entry way.

"Are you my dad's friend?"

"Yes."

"I’m Eric." The little boy says a little proudly and Steve rounds the corner just in time to see James's face soften even more before he answers;

"My name is James."

"Do you like rabbits?"

"I have nothing against them."

"Do you have food at home?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then why do you come and eat with us?" It seems the problem still preoccupies Eric.

"Because your dad invited me."

It seems that this is more than enough for Eric, who lets James come in a little more and closes the door.

"Do you like lasagna?" Eric continues to chatter happily as if he knows James for a very long time. "Because grandma made lots of lasagna and dad says that we could feed a small country with the food that grandma makes for us, but that I shouldn't say that to her. I should just say _thank you, grandma_."

James seems a little more than overwhelmed by the constant chatter, but he doesn't seem annoyed by the little man. On the contrary, it feels like he listens carefully. Hmm, still, maybe it's time to intervene.

"Ok, E, I think James heard more than enough about grandma's food."

"But, daddy, shouldn't he say _thank you grandma_ , too?"

"I don't know. Let's see first if he likes the food. Go and choose a place at the table while Mr. Barnes here will help me bring the food out."

"Can't I call him James? I call all the others on their names."

"Well, did you ask him?"

"Mr. Barnes, can I call you just James, please?" Steve snorts. Like anyone has ever resisted the puppy look that Eric puts when he wants something.

"No, but you can call me Bucky."

"Great!"

"Sorry for that." Steve says as he smiles fondly at his son who runs outside. He turns just in time to see James's eyes raking over him. It makes Steve blush a little bit but pretends that he hasn't noticed it. "Thanks for letting my son address you so informally."

"He really is a nice child."

"A little too talkative maybe." Steve smiles again as he only then registers how James looks. He is more than a little worn out and his tie is loosened up a little bit. His brown hair falls around his face in a silky way and Steve's hands itch with the need to arrange it a little bit, to feel its smoothness. "You really are very tired, aren't you?"

"I’ve to confess that I am." The other man sighs and he doesn't know how vulnerable that admission makes him look like, because certainly James Barnes doesn't admit weaknesses in front of people. "It's been a long day."

Without even realizing that he is doing it, Steve reaches for James's right shoulder and squeezes it gently, trying to share some of his strength with the other man.

"It will get better." He whispers and as James looks into his eyes, nodding briefly, the atmosphere suddenly changes, charged with something unnamed.

Something constricts Steve's breathing and the heat from James's body engulfs him, making him almost dizzy with the need to feel more. He sways just a little closer, enough to make the other man catch his breath.

The blue eyes look at him with wonder and hunger and Steve can't find in him the force to break the contact. There's a scent of aftershave combined with something else, which is pure James, and when Steve inhales to calm himself, that scent fills up his nostrils and makes him dizzier with the need to get closer. Just a little bit more… just enough to….

"Daddy! Are you coming?"

Eric's voice from the garden makes him startle so hard that he drops the hand from the shoulder quickly, as if James might burn him for good. He is so freaked out that he makes a few steps back, just enough to almost fall on his ass. He blushes heavily and he gets his hand in his hair and tugs a little.

"Sorry about that. Go right ahead. I’ll go in the kitchen and bring the food."

"Do you want me to help you?" James's voice is just as wrecked as Steve looks, but Steve just shakes his head.

"Nah, it's all right. Just give me a minute."

Without waiting for his answer, Steve dashes in the kitchen. He grabs the counter and counts till ten and then sighs.

What the fuck was that? He hasn't felt that need to be around someone since… It can't be. It was just a fluke. It can't be anything else. They are so different and they just… What the fuck is wrong with him?

Just this morning he was defending himself by saying that he isn't interested in James… _Bucky?_ like that and now he just wants to be closer to the man.

That's it. He's truly gone insane. Maybe while being in hospital, the medics have screwed with his head and they have made him more insane.

There's no other explanation.

He tries to steady his breathing. But the hair looked so soft and without a doubt the older man felt the sparks too, felt the tension. _Ignore this!_ Screams a little voice inside of him, because he can't deal with it right now. It's just too much.

He takes the food on a plate and goes outside.

"Daddy, Bucky says that he likes lasagna too. Can we eat that for lunch?"

"Sure, Eric."

The men can't look at each other and the tension between them is still present, but Eric doesn't notice anything, and he continues his little chatter, saving the both of them from awkward conversation.

By the end of the meal, both James and Steve have relaxed a little bit and they are back to small talk. The older man even helps him take care of the dishes, while Eric goes to take his books and notebooks out.

"Thank you for this. I really needed it." James says as his face softens.

"Hey, you don't need to thank me. I’m glad you accepted the invitation."

"I’ll be going then. There's still a lot of work and I’m afraid I missed too much already."

"All right then. Eric, come here. James is leaving."

The boy gets down the stairs really quickly.

"Don't you want to watch Chappy with us?" He asks a little surprised.

"I would love to, but I’m afraid that I’ve to go back to work."

"Will you come again?"

"Yes, if you'll have me."

"And you will stay to watch Chappy with us?"

"Yes, I will."

"Ok, Bucky, then you can go." Eric comes and hugs him shortly and both men freeze on the spot. Then slowly James's hand settle on the boy's back and Eric rises his head to smile. "Come soon, ok?"

"All right." James's lips twitch in the barest of smiles and Eric nods. "Thank you again, Steve and Eric."

"No problem." Steve answers still dazed by his son's action. "Come back any time."

"I will. Thank you."

They say goodbye and then James leaves.

"Daddy, let's do the homework." Eric enthusiastically says as he runs up in his room again, but Steve just leans on the door and closes his eyes, frowning.

Oh, he is _so_ screwed!


	6. Ignition

"Daddy, cartoon time! Come on, daddy!" Eric yells enthusiastically and all Steve can think is sleep another five minutes. He groans trying to bury himself deeper in the covers, but his son has none of it. He makes the same happy sounds and decides to start jumping in the bed.

"Daddy, come on! Wake up, sleepy head!"

"E, daddy is tired, just give me another five minutes."

"But you said that five minutes ago too." Steve can picture the small frown that his son no doubt sports, as he finally sits next to him.

"Come here, you little monkey." Steve attacks him all of a sudden, scooping him into his arms and tickling him mercilessly. His son giggles happily, trying to return the attacks on his father but Steve has none of it. "You dare to attack your daddy like this? You must suffer punishment!"

"But, daddy," Eric says breathlessly as Steve let him rest a little, "I’m a bunny, not a monkey." 

Steve looks at his son who rests now half on his body, half on the mangled sheets. He's dressed in his Batman pajamas and his blond hair is mussed due to sleep. His small cheeks are red from the laughing. He is spread like a little monkey and Steve can feel each breath he takes. He takes a glance at Peggy's picture and smiles at her.

"A bunny?" He finally says and looks again at his son, who now has turned on his side and watches him with big eyes. "Why a bunny?"

"So I can be best friends with Chappy. And I can jump like a bunny too." Eric grins at him.

"I’m sure about that, kiddo." Steve groans. "So why the hurry?"

"Daddy, did you forget? Saturday is for cereals and cartoons." Eric puts his small hand on his father's cheek. "Are you getting old, daddy? Because grandma always scolds grandpa and says that he's getting old and he forgets things he shouldn't."

"I’m not old. I’m only thirty, thank you very much." Steve pouts playfully.

"But daddy, that's a lot!" Eric gasps.

"It's not that much," he mumbles, oddly aware of his age.

"Do you think Bucky is older than you?" Steve looks surprised at his son.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because he seems older than Odinson."

"You think?"

"Should I ask him the next time he comes?" Eric asks seriously and Steve hides his smile behind a yawn.

"Yeah, sure." That will be very interesting.

"Great. Now daddy, come on, cartoons. And cereals, you promised."

"I did and I always keep my promises. But let's brush our teeth first."

"Awww, do we have to?" Eric pouts adorably.

"Yes, we do."

"All right, but I get something sweet too."

"You are a little evil man."

"I’m not little, daddy. I told you before. I’m big."

"Ok, sorry, sorry, I forgot. Come on."

They go in the bathroom and Steve helps his son put some toothpaste on his toothbrush and then they both brush their teeth thoroughly. Steve smiles when he sees the mess that his son has done but it's way too early for lessons.

"Ready, daddy."

"Ok, kiddo." He takes a mouthful of water and tries to wash away the remaining toothpaste.

"Daddy, I think we should invite Bucky to lunch today." Instantly Steve chokes and half of the foamy water lands on the mirror in front of him.

"Ewwww, that's gross daddy. I’m telling you on grandma."

"Thanks, little traitor."

"Daddy!" His son exclaims indignantly, and Steve appeases him quickly.

"Yes, I remember. Big, not little." He takes a mouthful of fresh water and after he rinses, he wipes the mirror.

"Why do you want to invite James again?"

"What if he doesn't have anything to eat? And he promised he would watch Chappy with me."

"E, I explained to you that James has something to eat."

"But what if he is all alone and he doesn't have onigiri and no one to make him?" Eric chews is his bottom lip, catching the sleeve of the battered t-shirt Steve has. "He promised he will be my friend."

"Ok, ok, I promise I’ll give him a call after breakfast."

Eric's face brightens quickly. "Great."

Truthfully Steve has tried to avoid thinking about the man since that scene in the hallway. There are some things which should remain buried and this is one of them, but he can't possibly tell his son that, can he? So instead he just prepares breakfast and resigns himself that he will have to call James.

Why an hour later his hands shake as he dials up the familiar number is way beyond him.

"Hey, James." He greets and then winces. Not a very good start.

"Hey, Steve." The man on the other end says and there's no tension in his voice, a sign that he is actually glad to hear from him. "How are you?"

"I’m fine, thanks for asking."

"And Eric?"

"He's fine too. Actually, this is why I called you."

"About Eric?" The older man's puzzled voice makes Steve feel warm all over. This is getting really out of hand.

"Yes, apparently you made quite an impression over my little man and he decided that maybe we should invite you to eat more often with us. So, here's me inviting you to lunch and all…" There's a moment of complete stunned silence at the other end of the line and Steve immediately adds: "Of course it's totally cool if you don't. I mean, it's not like you don't have better things to do on a Saturday than spending it with a cripple and a small boy. But I mean if you wanted… in case there's…."

"I would really love to." The gravelly voice says, and Steve is astonished at how well it feels to be accepted by James.

"You really want to?" He asks a little confused. "Because I really meant it, you're not obligated in any way to-"

"Steve," James's voice stops a little as if he gathers his thoughts, as if he wanted to say something else but then thought better of it, "I really want to come to your house. Thank you for the invitation."

"No problem, James." Steve smiles, listening to the gentle breathing of the other man.

"Should I bring something?"

"Just you is more than enough, and of course informal clothes are mandatory. Here at la casa de Rogers we pride ourselves in breaking up the rules."

"I’ve noticed that. I should have no problem breaking this rule. I’ll be at your place within an hour."

"Ok, James, see you then."

"Goodbye."

Steve hangs up the phone and looks back at his son who's chewing his lip. He looks so adorable.

"He's coming, daddy?"

Steve fakes a scowl and then all of the sudden explodes into a grin.

"He sure is."

"Yay!"

His son totally does a happy dance which Steve might have imitated, hadn't he thought first that he's still an adult.

"Bucky is coming, Bucky is coming." Eric chants and Steve looks a little surprised at him.

"Buddy, tell me, why do you like James so much? You've met him only twice."

"Yes, daddy, but he likes Chappy too and he said _thank you, grandma_ although he didn't have to." Eric smiles. "And he likes you, daddy."

"He likes me?" It's Steve turn to smile. "How do you know that?"

"Because he smiles at you, daddy, and makes that funny face that says he likes you a lot."

Steve blushes. 

He's actually blushing like a little girl while his son seems unaware of what he just said. 

May it be true? Would James like him in that way? 

It's true that the sparks between the two of them are hard to hide, especially when the older man gets that smoldering look on his face, but still Steve figured that it might be just some sort of hero complex. 

But now? He's not so sure. Deep down inside of him, he knows what's the answer to the question that has been tormented him for the past week, but he's just not ready to face it yet.

"Ok, E. Let's go back to our game and play until James arrives."

"Ok, daddy."

James is actually late as he arrives almost two hours later, but when Steve hears the doorbell, he's more than happy to answer. Strange butterflies gather in his stomach and he smiles a little when he sees his son just as happy and excited as he is to welcome their guest.

"Bucky! You came." Eric exclaims as soon as he opens the door and the older man comes into view holding several bags and something like a box, wrapped up as a present. He's dressed casually just as Steve has required, but now the young man wants to slap himself because James? 

Well, he looks really hot in some blue jeans and a white t-shirt which underlines all the right places. His brown hair is tied but some strands have got loose making him look ridiculously relaxed. He wears the same poker face, but Steve can see his eyes getting warm as soon as he takes a look at Eric.

"I promised, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did, and daddy says that it's very important to keep our promises."

"Daddy is more than right." James's blue smoldering eyes turn to Steve, who feels kind of awkward now that the man is finally here. "Hey Steve."

"Hey James. Didn't I tell you not to bring anything except yourself?"

"Yes, well, I found this perfect present for Eric and I had to take it with me."

"A present?" Eric is more than excited. "For me?"

"Yes."

"Wow, this big box? What is it, Bucky?"

"Let's get in the living room, open it and see."

"A present for me, daddy!" Eric exclaims as if he isn't a little spoiled with all his family constantly dotting on him. His delight is genuine though and James must feel it because he smiles a little as they go in the living-room.

"You didn't have to buy him anything." Steve says trying to scowl a little but failing miserably.

"I know, but I really wanted and when I saw it, it felt perfect for him." James seems to hesitate a little before adding: "Don't get mad. It really is nothing and I just want to make your son a little happy."

So what if Steve melts like the thirteen-year old girl his inner self is. It's not like it's his fault that the man in front of him can be so kind with his son even though they barely know each other.

The big box is wrapped in green paper with a golden bow and Eric tears it down as he opens it to find a smaller cage with a grey rabbit inside.

"Chappy!" Eric exclaims. "Look, daddy, it's Chappy." The grey rabbit was really small and looked a little frightened by the sudden excitement around him. James smiles.

"And in this bag, there are some small things that he will need, including food. I hope you like it."

Eric looks at him like James is his new hero and before any of them can react, he goes straight to the man and hugs him with all the power that a seven-year old can. 

The silence is petrified, only their breathing breaching it. 

Steve is stunned and James is worse. 

His blue eyes look a little shocked and it takes him more than a few seconds before he finally reacts. 

Gently, he wraps his arms around the small body and returns the hug.

"Thank you, Bucky; this is the best present ever." Steve hears his son's muffled words and his heart stutters again.

"You're welcome." James replies and Steve's hand grips tightly his knee in an attempt to calm himself down, because all he wants to do right now is _run_. Run away from this man, run away from his awkward gentleness and poker face, from his small gestures that touch his heart more than anything else during these four years since he has lost Peggy. 

Run from his kind gestures and terrible loneliness that one can guess in every small gesture.

But Steve Rogers has never been a coward and so he stays there, on the couch in his own living room, looking as his son embraces another man, opening up to a stranger, managing small miracles on his own.

When his breathing is under control again, he looks up at James who looks back with that uncanny warmth in his eyes. And Steve finds himself smiling lightly for the first time in many years, without feeling guilty.

"Thank you," he mumbles, and the older man just smiles back and that perhaps is a small miracle in itself.

"Can I call him Chappy?" Eric interrupts the moment and James smiles at him as he lets him go.

"Of course, it's yours. You can name him however you want."

"What is your family name, Bucky?" Eric asks thoughtfully.

"Barnes."

"It's perfect." The boy looks back at the bunny as he gently reaches for him with a finger. "Chappy Barnes Rogers."

"That's a long name." Steve says blushing again, ignoring this time James's eyes.

"We'll just call him Chappy, daddy, but he has to have a family name." Eric looks sternly at him.

"Of course he does. Sorry, kiddo."

"Can I take him in my hand?"

"Let's see."

Steve opens the cage for him and for moment the tiny rabbit seems too frightened but stiffly he sniffs at Steve's finger and relaxes a little before Steve takes him in his hand and deposits him in Eric's little ones. 

The small heart beats really fast but there's a look of pure wonder on the boy's face and Steve knows that no other gift will compare to it for a long time from now on.

"Can I go in the back, daddy, and play with it?"

"Yeah, sure. James and I’ll bring you the cage too."

"Ok."

Once they are alone, there's that awkward atmosphere between the two of them again as if they don't know exactly how to act around each other.

"Thank you for this, you didn't have to do it."

"I really wanted it. And call me Bucky, please," James seems a little embarrassed as he continues: "I hope that you don't mind, but the man at the shop told me that the rabbit will remain quite small and that there's not a big hassle to take care of him. I know that you might be concerned about this, but I brought all that he needs and probably more. Your son really likes rabbits."

Bucky seems really worried about how Steve might react now that his son isn't with them anymore, but he just smiles gently and puts his hand on the older man's knee, patting him tenderly.

"It's all right. I don't mind. It's really nice and I don't know if I can top that when his birthday comes. Actually, I don't think you can top this either."

"Yes, it might be a difficult endeavor to search for a better present."

Steve takes his hand away and stands up.

"Ok, let's go in the back too, before my son runs away into the world to have adventures with his new friend."

Gentle fingers stop him quietly but holding on his relaxed hand. Steve looks puzzled at Bucky. His thumb slowly brushes over Steve's pulse point and it takes him all the power in the whole world not to gulp loudly and let the other man know just how much it affects him. The blue eyes are soft as they lock with his.

"Thank you for inviting me today here."

Steve takes a deep breath so as not to squeal like a girl.

"What are friends for?" He smoothly pries his hand away before taking the cage and the box in his hand. "You coming?" He turns again but doesn't fail to hear the older man repeat the word _friends_ , if to convince himself or get familiar with it, he doesn't know, but he feels sad somehow.

They go outside to find Eric on the grass with his new friend. 

Bucky kindly explains to him how to take care of Chappy and how he must feed him and although the explanations seem made more for him than his son, Bucky is incredibly patient with all the silly questions that Eric has for him. 

Steve goes to prepare lunch and he lets the two of them alone. He can hear Eric's happy chatter and Bucky's rumbling voice as they continue their discussion without Steve. It takes him a little over half an hour to get everything ready, before the lunch is finished and ready to be served.

They eat in the garden because it's a beautiful day. 

The garden isn't actually very big. They have a few trees and mostly grass with a wooden table and a few chairs around it. 

Steve wanted once to build a swing too, but in the end, he gave up the idea, having all kinds of nightmares that his son might get hurt. 

Eric chatters away happily even after he finished eating up. He goes to sit on the grass again as Bucky and Steve take the dirty dishes back in the kitchen. Ten minutes later they find Eric asleep with the small rabbit nuzzling his small neck as if to find the perfect place where to rest too.

"He's whipped out. Too much excitement for one day." Steve whispers, taking his son into his arms. "I'm taking him into his room. I’ll be right back." Bucky nods.

Steve takes Eric in his room and settles him on the bed. His son doesn't stir at all and Steve smiles again, kissing him gently on the forehead. 

After he closes the door slowly, he goes back in the kitchen and makes some tea which he brings outside. For a moment he gasps soundlessly as he takes in the view: Bucky is holding gently the small rabbit, which seems just as sleepy as his son, and he smiles, all his body relaxed. Rebel strands of hair got loose, gently caressing his cheeks and Steve has that impulse of caressing it again.

He unhurriedly approaches the table, settling the tea down and having a seat. Bucky looks at Steve for a moment with such open eyes that Steve swallows hard and it takes everything he has to not reach for Bucky again.

The moment is broken when the older man takes his attention back to the small animal in his hands.

"You know," Bucky says as if detached from the whole moment, "when I was about ten, my father bought me a dog. It was a small brown one with floppy ears, always sniffling around." Bucky looks wistfully at the bunny in his hands. 

"I loved him from the first time I saw him. He was a really smart dog. My father told me that he had bought me to teach me about responsibilities because in the Barnes family everything is about responsibility and duty and honor. I didn't understand it at the time that it was just another thing that my father would love to take away from me."

The wind passes gently through the trees, relaxing Steve even more although he can tell that it's not going to be a happy story.

"This dog was most precious to me and even Rebecca didn't dare to touch it for fear I might scold her. I guess I get pretty possessive with things that are my own. Anyways, one day I was really tired because of school and I still had much homework to do, so when this small bag of fur came to play with me, I yelled at him and told him to get out, and the poor little animal ran quickly. He didn't stop until he reached outside just in time for the neighbor to slam into him with his new shiny car." 

Bucky's sad eyes look back at Steve again. "My father told me it was because I couldn't take care of it, that taking responsibility is keeping constantly a watchful eye. He made me feel guiltier than ever and for several years I kept dreaming that scene, over and over again as if my father's punishments meant nothing compared to losing my only friend."

Bucky gently puts the rabbit into his cage and looks with that hard face of his again and Steve hates it so much because it means that the real Bucky buried himself yet again under another mask, behind another wall.

"The reason why I’m telling you this is that I don't know what it means to be a true friend, Steve. You have invited me into your life and into your home, opening a door that I didn't believe someone would open for me. But what you can't see is that I’ll always be that man from the office, who investigated you, who wanted to do his duty and be done with it. I think that what I’m trying to do is warn you."

"Warn me? About what? That you are a terrible man?" Steve snaps right back and he knows that if he doesn't break that mask now, he won't break it again and his friendship with Bucky will become impossible.

"Yes, something like that."

"Maybe I should warn you too." Steve scowls back and this time he gets a reaction out of the man, who looks a little surprised but ready to bolt.

"Warn me? What about?"

"I’m a terrible man as well." Steve grins madly at Bucky. "I’m impulsive, and I’m unable to keep my mouth shut. Not to mention my love for swearing. I still keep my wife's memory alive, which prevents me from falling or even dating other people. Even now things with dad aren't easy and I blame him for not accepting that my true purpose in life wasn't pre-med. What I’m trying to say here, Bucky, is that I don't ask to change yourself. In case you haven't noticed, I accept you the way you are because honestly I think you don't know any better."

"That's not very encouraging." The older man mumbles and Steve snorts.

"Of course it's not, but what do you expect? When you tell people you are a terrible person, most people believe it. For the record I think you're full of crap. If you would be a terrible person, my son wouldn't be so open with you. Do you know why I think you told me all this?"

"Why?"

"Because you are afraid." Steve bluntly says and the man's face hardens again.

"Excuse me?"

"You are afraid because I’m not ordinary." Steve continues in a very kind tone which calms Bucky a little. "And I’m mean ordinary by wanting something from you. And let's be clear on this one, Bucky, I really don't want anything else from you. I think that you are afraid of us becoming friends."

"This is what we'll keep calling it?" Bucky says defiantly and Steve swallows because he knows he has fallen into his own trap. But a panicky voice in his head screams _it's too early, it's way too early to become attached to someone_ and he knows that it's not real, but it's so true: he's afraid too.

"I don't know if I’ll ever be able to call it anything else." Steve answers, not looking at the older man, hating what he knows that it's there.

"I see. What do you suggest we do then?"

"Being friends. Getting to know each other. Let's do stuff together."

"Stuff?"

"Well, yeah, I don't know what rich pompous people like you do for fun, but let's try something."

"Like what?"

"Dude, do I’ve to come up with every idea?" Steve scowls playfully at Bucky and the older man smirks making his heart stutter just a little bit more. Does this man have any idea how beautiful he is?

"Apparently you're the brains in this relationship."

"Ha, ha, very funny." Steve rolls his eyes. "Well, tomorrow night my friend Odinson has a concert in a small bar. It's not something big, but a bunch of friends might be coming. Want to meet them?"

"I'd like that." Steve chuckles, hearing the response. "What?"

"Nothing, I’m just trying to picture you in that dive. It will be awesome."

"You don't sound very encouraging. You will have to tell me how this place is so that my attire will be appropriate."

"Dress like this tomorrow and it will be fine."

"But what kind of music does your friend play?"

The rest of the afternoon Steve spends with Bucky in the garden discussing Odinson's adventures in the music world. When he wakes up again, Eric finds them still in the garden trading stories and the small boy looks a little hesitant before approaching them. He's warm and fuzzy with sleep and he climbs into his father's lap resting his head on Steve's shoulder.

"Hey, E." Steve smiles gently at his son. "How are you feeling?"

"Still sleepy." Eric glances at his new pet. "Chappy seems sleepy too."

"Yeah, he slept most of the afternoon too. Are you hungry?"

Eric shakes his head. "Just want to stay here a little more." He hides his face into his father's neck, twisting his little body to fit perfectly Steve's arms, which have wrapped the small body.

"I think it's time for me to leave. I was invited to Rebecca's tonight and she will most likely send Thomas after me if I don't come."

"Ok." Steve gets up holding his son a little tighter. When they reach the hallway, Steve smiles again a little as he says:

"I'll see you tomorrow night, right?"

"Yes."

"Hey, E, Bucky is leaving."

Eric raises his head and looks at Bucky, reaching for his neck and pulling him a little closer, trying to give him a hug. Steve stops breathing for a delicious moment as Bucky's gently breath caresses his cheek. The older man's eyes look longingly at him, but nothing happens. They breathe each other's air for a few seconds until Eric lets go.

"Thank you for the bunny, Bucky. You will come back soon, right?"

"You're welcome, and yes, I’ll try to come back soon. Bye Eric. Bye Steve. "

"Bye Bucky." Eric waves a little before hiding his face again and Steve smiles at him before the man gets in his car.

The rest of the afternoon is spent in tranquility, even Eric plays with Chappy quietly and then Steve teaches him how to feed the bunny. He doesn't know how to call and announce his friends that he will bring someone with him, so he avoids his phone for the rest of the day as if it had the plague.

That night he sleeps little, mostly tormented by the discussion he had with Bucky in the garden and what he barely avoided. But soon he won't be able to keep doing this and then he will have to choose.

As soon as they wake up, on Sunday morning, after breakfast he goes to his parents' house as he promised. He doesn't come in. He handles his mom Eric's things as his son runs away quickly to show his grandpa what he has got and at his mother's enquiring look, he just says:

"I need to speak to Peggy."

His mother's eyes sadden, and Steve doesn't stay to see her disappointment too because he knows he isn't capable at the moment to explain why he actually goes there. The tension has been building inside of him almost all night, making this morning almost unbearable. As it builds and builds inside him, he quickens the step until he's running breathless, ignoring the pain in the back, with the flowers awkwardly kept near his chest.

When he reaches the graveyard, he pants exhausted and it takes him a while to deposit the flowers he has brought in the small vase, next to her smiling picture. He takes a deep breath trying to will his trembling hands to stop. Angry tears fill his eyes as he scowls at the sky trying in vain to calm down, but unable to succeed. So, when he finally dares to look at Peggy's picture, he whispers breaking into sobs:

"Peggy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how it happened, but I think I like someone."


	7. Combustion

The sobs are painful for his battered back, but he can't control it. It has been ages since he hasn't cried over Peggy and the guilt makes him think that he deserves the pain.

"I don't understand…" He says gasping for air and thankful that nobody else is in the graveyard except for him. "He's so different from you. I can't, Peggy. I just can't." He falls on his knees and for an insane moment he thinks that she might be standing right next to him, but when he looks around him there's no one and perhaps that hurts worse.

"I'm so sorry." He says again, trying to stop his tears but just like always, he's unable to control them. "I didn't mean to. But I can't…. I can't… I shouldn't…" He's not coherent anymore and he doesn't know what to say anyways, but Peggy has always been able to see in his heart, so maybe it's not necessary to try and explain her.

Honestly, he doesn't know how to explain to himself, so he just sits there crying his heart out, crying his pain and his guilt. The picture remains unmovable with the same smile, but his wife never comes and tells him that it's all right to feel like this.

Steve doesn't know how long he stays there on his knees, long after his tears have dried but when he finally gets up, everything in his body hurts and screams in pain. He tries to wipe some of the tear stains, but he doesn't succeed much, and he unhurriedly gets out of the graveyard, not before placing a small kiss on Peggy's picture promising her that he will visit again.

The sun continues to shine and it's the same beautiful day outside and yet he feels numb. Absurdly he thought that he will feel better afterwards, that the guilt and shame might disappear, but they are both there, maybe stronger than ever and it takes him an incredible amount of time to swallow them down.

He senses that deep down inside this is the normal thing to do, that people move on, they have to move on and Peggy would want that for him but it's that emptiness that she has left inside of him that keeps on growing and warns him that he should just stay away from everybody else.

When he's at his parents' house, he inhales deeply, calming himself a little bit before he gets in. He hears his son's laugh almost instantly and strange noises made most likely by his dad and it fills a little his heart to hear that sound. He follows the sound and gets in the living room where his parents are playing with Eric and Chappy on the floor. His father is holding Chappy and it looks like they enacting a small scene from the cartoon because his son knows the lines by heart and he giggles very amused every once in a while.

"Hey, guys, I’m home." He rasps and he didn't know that his voice would be so raspy because as soon as they raise their eyes towards him, everything changes.

His mother's eyes darken with sadness and his father kind of looks helplessly at him. But his son's reaction is the most serious one. As soon as he sees Steve, he shuts down completely. He gets up almost instantly and he balls his hands in fists. Then all of a sudden, he rushes towards his father and Steve gets him into his arms. His little body is tensed, and his hands grab him by his neck holding him close.

"What is it, E?" Steve whispers and he takes him away from the enquiring looks of his parents. He slowly starts to walk towards the back of the house and gets out in the garden. He doesn't let go of his son, who just hides a little more, as if he tries to dig his own hole inside Steve's body.

"Daddy, you're sad again." His son finally dares to murmur, and it hits Steve so hard. "I don't want you to be sad like before, when daddy didn't play with me and he didn't smile, and he didn't eat popcorn and didn't watch Chappy with me." Suddenly he feels hot tears on his neck as his son squeezes him ever tighter. "I don't want to stay with grandma and grandpa again. I love you, daddy. I want to stay with _you_."

It breaks Steve's heart all over again and his tears fall naturally on his cheeks, washing the old tear stains and creating new ones.

"Why do you think this will happen, E?"

"Because you're sad again. Like when mom left with the angels and grandma and grandpa took me to live with them." His son gasps through sobs. "I don't want you to be like that again, daddy. Please, daddy, please don't be sad."

Steve shakes with the need to break down all over again, as he keeps Eric tight to his body, trying to gather strength from his son.

He remembers the time when he was like a zombie after Peggy died, unable to take a grip on his life and pull it together. He barely opened his mouth and he barely looked at Eric because his son reminded him so much of his dead wife, his beautiful eyes identical with hers.

He would take care of E and try his best, but it wasn't enough. His sisters were angry with him, his parents worried that someday he might do something stupid.

It was one night when he snapped at Eric just because his son behaved like any normal child would that he realized that things have gone too far. He took his child to his parents and left him there for one month. A month away from work, from friends and family pulling his shit back together, remodeling their room letting only a few pictures, remodeling his son's room, giving her clothes for charity.

He barely ate back then, he barely breathed but the memory of his son's teary face was his only impulse to move again, to push over for recovery, anything to make that face disappear. It was a hard month, filled with nightmares and sometimes helplessness, but after one month he was finally able to think that some things worth fighting for, that his son deserves a happy life as well. He hoped back then that Eric wouldn't remember that part. But apparently his son hasn't forgotten it.

His son looks up at him and with one small hand wipes his tears away.

"Don't cry, daddy, please don't cry. I promise I’ll be better; I’ll behave better and-"

"E, you listen to me, baby." Steve says fiercely unable to control his love and pride for his son. "You have nothing to improve, baby. You are perfect to me; you are absolutely wonderful, and I wouldn't change anything about you. I swear to you that I'm never going back to how I was back then."

"But then why are you crying, daddy?"

"Of happiness, E. Seeing that you love me so much makes me an old sap. I love you very much, baby, you try and remember that ok?"

"Yes, daddy." His son hugs him again. "I love you to, daddy. Promise that you won't be sad anymore?"

"Promise."

They stay like that until Sarah comes and tells them that lunch is ready. And although Eric isn't back to his usual self, watching Steve like a hawk, they are relaxed enough to have a pleasant lunch with his parents. But later on, while his son takes his afternoon nap, his mom corners him in the kitchen.

"What happened?" She asks somehow despondently. "I thought you were fine. I thought you were on the right track. It's been four years, Steve."

"I know, mom, and I’m fine. I just…." Steve fidgets a little before he continues: "I went to the grave today for a completely different reason."

"What reason?" Sarah asks as she settles a cup of tea on the table and sits at the table in front of him.

"I want to go out with someone." Steve mumbles unable to believe that he has said it out loud. His mother takes his hands into hers and holds them as if they are something precious and when he thinks about how he feels about Eric, he most definitely understands how she feels. Her eyes are full of love and understanding and something else, something completely different which hasn't been there before. Hope.

"With who, son?"

"With Bucky." Steve sighs heavily. There, it's in the open now and it makes him feel strange that he has admitted it.

"Why are you so scared?" His mother asks back in a soothing voice.

"Because he's different. He's very different from the others. He's obtuse and he's cold and sometimes he makes me want to punch him with his duty and honor and other bullshit like that. But he wants me, he wants _me_ and for the first time after so long, I want him too."

"But you feel guilty," his mother says understanding. "That's why you went to her grave today."

"Yes." Steve sighs again and rests his forehead on their hands intertwined.

"Steve, when you first brought Peggy to meet us, I was really happy that you finally found someone to love you for who you are. I could see how much she loved you back, how much she was there for you and how much she cared about you. But you know what I loved about her the most? That she could see through your bullshit and make you act truthful to yourself." She takes one of her hands out of their small embrace and passes her fingers through his hair.

"When she died, I lost a daughter, but I felt like I lost my son too." She kisses the top of his head. "Take a chance, Stevie. Take a chance and live. I’m sure, that she would like that. And as long as her memory lives with you and Eric forever then it will be more than enough."

"You think I should take a chance with Bucky?" Steve blinks, at last daring to look at his mom again.

"In spite of how I acted, Steve, I really think that he might be good for you. And you will be very good for him. Go out with him, have fun and see what happens. If nothing happens it's ok, and if something serious starts to happen it's ok too. But don't let Peggy's memory keep you from living because I think you're doing what she hated the most. Be truthful to yourself and this is how you will respect her memory. And yourself also."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And stop scaring your son and us. There have been difficult times for all of us back then."

"Ok, mom, I’ll try to do that."

"Perfect." She leans a little and kisses his cheek. She smells like strawberries and cookies and Steve loves her something fierce in that particular moment. "And afterwards you can tell me if he's a good kisser."

"Mom!" Steve blushes. "Just when we were sharing a moment…"

"I know, I know, but you're so lovely when you blush."

Steve smiles at her just as Joseph comes into kitchen demanding a cup of tea too. They chatter happily and the atmosphere is finally not tensed. Steve catches his father's eyes a few times, but he just smiles and soon his old man is relaxed again. When Eric wakes up, they take Chappy, say goodbye and head home.

Steve is a little surprised to see Sasha waiting for them to be back.

"Aunt Sasha!" Eric exclaims and hugs her. "Come, I want you to see my rabbit. Bucky bought him for me. His name is Chappy."

"Really?" Sasha smiles mischievously at Steve, who pretends that he's too busy to arrange the shoes in the hallway.

"What are you doing here?"

"Mom told me that you need a babysitter because tonight you have a date."

"Daddy has a date?" Eric asks curiously just as Steve sputters: "It's not a date."

"Yeah, right."

"Daddy, you have a date with Bucky?" Eric asks again, a little smile playing on his face.

"Yes. No. I mean," Steve stutters, "We're just going together to hear uncle Odinson's band."

"I like Bucky, daddy, you can go out with him."

"You like him just because he bought you Chappy," Sasha tests the waters and Eric is more than ready.

"Nope, Bucky likes daddy. He makes a special face and he smiles at daddy too. So, if Bucky likes daddy, then I like him."

"I can't fight against such logic." Sasha says and smiles softly at Eric. "Then I think I’ll like Bucky too."

"Daddy, you like Bucky too right?" Eric's big eyes look so innocently at Steve that he can't do anything else but nod hesitantly.

"Yes, I like him."

"Great. Now that it's settled that everybody likes everybody," Sasha adds ironically and Steve rolls his eyes, "how about we two let daddy take a shower and prepare for his date-"

"-it's not a date, damn it!"

"-and you can show me Chappy and how you feed him, ok?" Sasha continues ignoring her brother and pretending that she doesn't see his blush.

Steve huffs and puffs but he gets up into his room and searches for the perfect clothes to fit him tonight. Truth is he didn't lie to Bucky, the bar where Odinson sings tonight is a real dive but on the other hand he wants to make a good impression and… wait, what was that?

A good impression?

Didn't he just say that it wasn't a goddamn date? Steve tugs at his hair and sighs in frustration.

Yeah, who is he kidding?

Half an hour later he's just in some blue jeans and a black t-shirt and a nice jacket on top of it. The dark colors bring out the blond of his hair even more and Steve scowls a little at his image in the mirror.

Tonight, he will have to deal with his friends too as he didn't announce anyone that he will bring someone. Well, as long as they behave nicely.

"Steve," his sister yells, "Bucky is here."

What? When did that happen? He didn't even hear the doorbell. What is he going to do?

"I'm coming."

Breathe, goddamn it, breathe. He repeats himself like a mantra as his hands shake. It's not a date. It's so not a date. It's just going out with a friend and seeing where it goes. It's nothing. A little voice inside his head whispers that maybe it's more than a simple get together, but he smolders that voice. He doesn't need the added pressure to it, thank you very much.

But as soon as he gets down, he forgets about everything the minute he sees the older man. Bucky says something to Eric who holds Chappy in his little hands and his son replies happily. Bucky is dressed in some dark jeans and a blue shirt looking like sin incarnated and yeah, ok, Steve is gone, because seriously, nobody can expect him not to see this man and feel nothing. His stomach burns a little stronger and he smiles because it's the only thing that he can do.

"Hey."

That simple word makes Bucky raise his head and the blue eyes fill with instant warmth.

"Hey Steve."

They lock their eyes and Steve is breathless again with a strange warmth that spreads inside his body. Even Bucky's impassive face shines with something unnamable.

"So," Sasha interrupts the moment looking knowingly at Steve, "where are you going again?"

"To see Odinson's band."

"Am I dressed appropriately?" And yes, Steve absolutely refuses to let his eyes rake over that lithe body. _Refuses_.

"Yes, it's perfect." And as soon as he says it, he blushes again. Ok, this will be a very long night.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes. Let me just-"

He embraces his son and kisses his cheek.

"You behave and you listen to auntie Sasha all right?"

"Yes, daddy."

"And you go to bed as you're told. Tomorrow is a school day."

"Yes, daddy." Eric smiles at Bucky. "Bye Bucky, take care of daddy."

"I will, Eric. Bye."

They leave the house and even as he gets into Bucky's car, Steve has to wave at his son while Sasha just smiles at him, oddly emotional. The ride is nothing spectacular and is spent mostly in silence, except for the moments in which Steve has to give him directions. However, it's a pleasant silence and Steve almost forgets why he was so nervous in the first place, until they park close to the place where Odinson sings.

"Look," Steve says, anxiousness creeping into his voice, "I might have been a coward and didn't tell my friends that I was going to bring someone."

"Why not?"

"Mostly because they would have grilled me about you, and I didn't need their questions. Also, they are kind of crazy so try to ignore them."

"I can't ignore them when they are your friends."

"Yeah, I think you'll get what I'm talking about when you'll meet them."

Suddenly Bucky's hand is over Steve's, squeezing it gently as he smiles a little.

"Everything will be alright." He whispers in that gravelly voice of his and Steve can almost swear that he does it on purpose.

"I just want you to have fun."

"I will."

"Just promise me that if you don't, you'll tell me, and we get out of there."

"Promise."

Steve smiles gently and then squeezes the hand back before he finally lets it go and gets out of the car, waiting for Bucky to do so too and then follow him to the bar.

The bar itself isn't bad, just really smoky but the public seems to be there for the music, and they act normally, so Steve sighs relieved for just about a second before he hears a roaring voice on top of all the others:

"Asshole, over here!"

Steve tenses and his head snaps over a big table towards the middle of the bar where a bunch of young people are drinking and discussing cheerfully. The one screaming like Steve just killed his first born is Victor, one of his oldest friends, if he can call him like that, because at the moment he just wants to strangle him.

The asshole dares to grin like a wild cat as soon as he sees that Steve isn't alone. Yeah, Steve has a really bad feeling about this.

"Hey, guys!" He greets them eagerly, trying to ignore their startled looks as their eyes settle on Bucky. "This is Bucky Barnes. Bucky, these are my friends: this blonde haired bastard is Victor, this is Wanda, his girlfriend. I think you remember Sam, and this is his wife Nathia. And this is Carol, Scott and Tony. You met Tony too."

"It's nice to meet you all."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Bucky." Nathia says. "Please, sit down." She makes Sam move a little so they can make room for both Steve and Bucky and both men sit down, their sides flushed, warmth sipping through clothes.

"So, Bucky," Victor says rudely after they order their drinks, "what brings you here?" Almost as soon as he finishes his question, his girlfriend Wanda slaps him over his head. "Oy, woman, who do you think you're hitting here?"

"You, miserable bastard. Try for once in your life to behave like a normal human being."

It's funny to see them argue like that especially since they are very similar. They are both kind of passionate about everything.

"Vis owns a record store and he keep it low profile," Steve finds himself whispering to Bucky's ear, "while Wanda is a painter, a very good one."

"Wanda Maximoff?" Bucky's voice interrupts their fight and Wanda's kind eyes settle on them.

"Yes, that's me."

"It's an honor to meet you. I’ve bought one of your paintings. " _The girl in the woods_ ". It's absolutely stunning."

"Thank you so much." Wanda smiles kindly at him.

"Do you have a new exhibition?"

"In two months. I’ll send you the invitation. I’m always happy to meet fans of my work."

Vis scowls at Bucky, but a pointed look from Steve and he pretends he has better things to observe as he takes his girlfriend by her shoulders and pulls her closer to his body. Steve smiles ironically but doesn't say anything. For the past five years, Vis has been asking Wanda in marriage six times and for all six times Wanda's answer has been _no_. He kind of feels sorry for the douche.

"What do you do, Bucky?" Carol asks and Steve smiles gratefully at her.

"I’m a lawyer."

"A lawyer?" Tony intervenes. "Any relations to _the_ Barnes family?"

"I’m part of it, yes." The guarded answer makes all his friends gasp a little for about two seconds before Scott starts to laugh madly.

"Wow, finally there is someone who is richer than Tony."

The sentence breaks the tension and they all laugh at that. From then on, the conversation runs smoothly and when Bucky asks them all to speak to him informally, the friendly atmosphere settles definitive among them. Even Vis doesn't scowl so much.

As they wait for Odinson's band to come on stage, Steve finds himself giving details to Bucky about his friends or explaining an inside joke, all the time keeping close to him.

He tells him how Sam met Nathia, who is a teacher now, and how they became partners, which in turn makes Sam tell some funny stories about their first years as firefighters.

Bucky laughs and listens carefully, even when Scott whines about his job as a consultant or when Carol, who owns a dojo, tries to convince Steve to return and have a session with her every once in a while.

When Odinson's band is finally on stage, everyone claps and whistles and some of the people around them laugh at them. The lights dim in the bar and Odinson takes center stage alongside another guitarist while the drums guy looks ready to start the show. The lead singer begins to sing a slow song as the instruments start to accompany him slowly. Steve is startled.

"It's your song, Stevie." Nathia exclaims happily and Bucky looks at him.

"What does she mean your song?"

"He wrote it." Vis answers instead of him and Steve just smiles embarrassed.

They listen to song after song, fascinated by the nice sounds, yet Steve is constantly aware of Bucky's warmth against his body.

They both took their jackets off at some point and sometimes their arms touch, bare skin on bare skin, and Steve's belly twists in want and he is sure that he's not the only one.

He swallows hard again and again, as Bucky moves impossibly closer, so much that his aftershave invades Steve's space making the young man almost dizzy.

It's almost impossible to breathe next to the older man with the sounds and the scents around them, with sharing warmth and pretending that everything is ordinary.

Because everything is far from ordinary.

And his friends seem to feel it too because they aren't their usual obnoxious selves and they are more subdued than they would normally be. The only one who seems preoccupied is Sam who glances at them every once in a while, as if to make sure that Steve hasn't broken yet, which is weird because Sam is far from the protective type.

As soon as they finish singing, Odinson joins them at the table and they settle in a nice conversation about work and what's been going on and how the guys miss Steve and they can't wait for him to be back.

"Just two more weeks, guys, and then you should have me back." Steve says, taking another sip of beer.

"It will be good to have you back." Sam says. "I’ve been without a partner for too long. It feels really weird."

"Oh, you miss me. Isn't this sweet?"

"Shut up, I just want to be back doing my job nicely." Sam refuses to look at him but Nathia smiles and winks. Yeah, Sam definitely missed him.

"Steve, seriously, you should come to the dojo when your back is healed." Carol says. "Bring Eric too."

"Yeah, I’ll try to bring him. Maybe Danny will come too."

"Danny?" Bucky asks.

"Eric's best friend."

They stay for a little longer before they finally say goodbye to his friends. All of them are nice enough to Bucky although Steve made sure not leave them alone with the man. He knows only too well how fond is Vis of his discourse " _take care of Steve or else_ ".

The ride back isn't as quiet as he expects. Bucky asks questions about his friends and he still can't get over the fact that Steve is friends with his favorite painter. Steve is happy to answer because it's nice to see Bucky animated in his own way. The streetlight filters through the windows of the car every once in a while, crashing over Bucky's face and making him look regal. He seems more relaxed too and Steve smiles content to know that he is the cause of it.

"I had a really great time." Bucky says as soon as he stops in front of Steve's house.

"Yeah? Didn't my friends frighten you?"

"Well, I’ve a feeling that if I ever hurt you, it will be way worse to face Wanda and Carol then Vis and Scott."

"Yeah, they kind of wanted to hold a new speech but I didn't let them. They should frighten you with it next time."

"Next time?" Bucky smiles at Steve and the young man feels like there isn't much air in the car. "I like the sound of that."

"Great. Let's see if you think the same the next time when you meet them, and they will be more obnoxious than ever."

"They care about you a lot. You can't blame them for wanting what's best for you. You are lucky to have such people around you." Bucky's wistful tone makes Steve scowl a little less.

"But now you have people like them too." Steve mumbles softly and Bucky is surprised when he looks at him. And suddenly the whole air runs out from the car and there's that electrifying atmosphere around them.

Bucky's blue eyes burn with that desire again and Steve feels raw with it. The older man slowly reaches for Steve's face and his thumb soothingly caresses Steve's cheek. His breath hitches. He knows what this is. He knows what this will lead too.

And his mind screams in panic that he's not ready, that he needs more time to get used with the feeling of having someone else kiss him. Yet his body draws a little closer to the older man and Steve watches Bucky hypnotized.

His gesture makes the older man take his other hand and gently pull him by the shoulders, until Steve is impossibly closer to him. They savor the moment as Steve's trembling hand settles on Bucky's waist while the other one settles over his chest. They breathe each other's air and they long for their moment and yet the moments pass, and nothing happens.

Steve's body thrums with energy and with need as Bucky's hungry eyes continue to search for something into his. They slowly rake over Steve's lips and the young man gently bites his bottom lip as a reaction. And this settles everything. Bucky leans closer and closer.

"If you don't want this," he whispers raw with need and want, "please tell me. I’ll stop. I’ll always stop when you tell me." His voice sounds wrecked and Steve can't trust himself to speak so he just grabs the older man by his nape and pulls him closer. It's an answer enough.

At first there's nothing more than a press of lips against lips. But Bucky's lips are soft, way softer than he had imagined and Steve gives in the temptation because he wants to feel more. He _needs_ to feel more.

Bucky pulls him impossibly closer and Steve gasps in pleasure when their bodies meet tenderly in such a sweet embrace. It's a simple signal that he’s ready, and Bucky gently probes him and makes him open his mouth. He tastes everything, mapping gently each millimeter, soft lips against soft lips, and Steve makes the most delicious sounds that Bucky has ever heard.

It's a consuming kiss. It's not probing, it's not one which could lead to something else. It's just a consuming kiss which tests trust and faith, which consumes doubts and regrets and guilt. A kiss which consumes every little hesitation that they had about this.

When they pull apart, Bucky seems incapable to let Steve go, pressing gentle kisses against the young man's cheeks. And Steve lets him, reveling in such a new feeling of being desired and wanted again.

"You won’t run?" Bucky whispers wrecked at his ear, pressing a gentle kiss on his earlobe.

"I promise I’ll try not to." Steve answers just as wrecked because it's the best he can do at the moment.

Bucky dares to look at him and Steve tries to smile confidently.

"And you keep your promises."

"I do."

Bucky presses his lips against his and then he finally lets him go. Steve is dizzy with the need to kiss him one more time, but he knows that this time it might lead to something completely different and he's not ready for that yet.

"I’ll call you tomorrow." Bucky says again trying to be confident, but he doesn't feel that way.

"And I’ll answer." Steve kisses him quickly and then he finally gets out of the car. He smiles. "Goodnight, Bucky."

"Goodnight, Steve." The answering smile is enough to put him at ease and Steve stays in front of his house until the car disappears around the corner. He slowly enters in the house and takes out his shoes. Sasha comes to welcome him but stops when she sees his face. Her face shines unexpectedly:

"Oh, big brother, I think you have just been kissed."


	8. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we learn more about Bucky's past..

" _You fucking heartless bastard!" The man in front of him screamed, his feelings openly laid between them like raw festering wounds. Bucky had a feeling that they might never heal. They chocked him, leaving him breathless on the inside, but on the outside, he was still the calm, proud heir of the Barnes clan. "You fucking evil asshole."_

" _I’ve never lied to you." He found himself replying, as if he was just a spectator while his life was turning to shards yet again. Sticks and stones wouldn't break him, but there were too many blows lately that dealt with his person's worth. "But you did. You fabricated this entire story, so you could what? Benefit from my money?"_

" _I should be paid millions for sticking up with such a block of ice such as yourself." The dark eyes continued to look at him as if he was a monster. And who knows? Maybe he was. "You will remain cold-hearted bastard. And you know what? I’ll fucking pray every day that when you do fall in love, because you will someday if you find that fucking heart of yours. And when you do that, I hope he breaks your heart into thousand pieces and makes you feel like the biggest shit on this fucking planet, because you are the only person in this fucking world that deserves this."_

Bucky sighs in the dark of his bedroom. The comforting sheets and the plush blanket don’t make for the warmth that he craves. And memories do tend to be unmerciful to him. But he hasn't thought about that man in a long time. So why know? What has changed?

So, he kissed Steve tonight, in the car, unable to tell him how thrilling his person is, how completely taken aback was when he woke up the first time and saw his piercing sapphire eyes looking back at him. And that blond hair sticking in all the places when he removed his oxygen mask. That night has been like an electric shock to him. He has been asleep for so many years now, draped in ice so that no one could penetrate through his walls ever again.

 _Don’t run_. He begged in the car dizzy with Steve's scent and flavor still mixed on his own lips.

_I promise I’ll try not to._

Bucky blinks in the dark of the room, his breath the only sound ricocheting against the walls. Heartbreak will follow him. He can feel it in his bones, the way they grind together and ache to have the smallest contact with Steve, the way his fingers twitch with the need to touch every small curve of that man's body… His tongue burns with thirst to taste each freckle, each mole, each scar that Steve might have on his body.

Bucky grinds his teeth. This is so not a good train of thought. He should sleep. Tomorrow morning, he has important meetings, vital cases to solve, imperative tasks to divide among his people. He shouldn't be acting like this. He _promised_ himself he wouldn't allow himself to feel like this again.

He sighs as he gets up from the bed and pads through the darkness of the rooms before turning on the kitchen light and pouring himself a glass of water. His dark hair falls on his shoulders as he drinks one glass after another.

" _Bucky," his father said, tinged with another type of disdain, "in this life there are two types of people: those who can do it and those who can't. Those who can't end up like losers, wondering for the rest of their lives what might have been their course in life, had they made the right decision. The Barnes family does not require losers. Try to remember that the next time you decide to bang a pretty boy like that twink." The voice had turned steely then. "No son of mine will be a well-known fag, I’ll guarantee you that. You will fucking marry Natasha Romanova if it’s the last thing you do."_

Bucky's hand clenches on the glass, his anger sipping through every pore of his skin. His father has always been a monster with a polite face. Since Bucky has been his only male heir, the older Barnes took it upon himself to shape and mold Bucky in whatever _he_ wanted, whatever _he_ needed, disregarding everything Bucky yearned for or needed. To say that between him and his father there is a family rift could be called the understatement of the damn century.

He had been young back then. So young and believed that his father will be in control of everything for the rest of his life. There are wounds festering in Bucky's heart, wounds that speak of distrust and self-worth, wounds that he thought he could heal if only he would allow himself to open himself a little bit to other people. That had turned to be a grave mistake.

He switches off the light and looks out on the window, where the New York lights show a different world that late in the night. When he was little and too damn tired of his father's game, Bucky would look out on the window and look at those lights, imagining nicer families than his, picturing them laughing during dinner time and keeping photos of those loving ones on their walls. Even now when he wants to drift from his thoughts, he looks back at those lights and pictures something different every time.

He slowly walks to the stereo and turns it on. Soft jazz notes float bravely in the dark of the room and Bucky sits in an armchair, this time choosing sake over water. The music drowns everything, even the emptiness in his heart.

" _Bucky," her labored breath hitched before she inhaled properly again, "I feel so guilty."_

" _There's no need for that." He took her hand again and kissed it gently, the smell of hospital and medicine and death poisoning his nostrils, suffocating him._

" _I think there is, but I know that you are an honorable man and you'll never tell me this." Her eyes looked sadly at him. "I need you to do something for me."_

" _Anything." He had whispered in return, sick and tired of seeing that pained expression on her face._

" _I think you and I’ve lived more than enough in our father's shadows, doing whatever they wanted us to do. Bucky, dearest, it’s too late for me. It's really too late and I’m glad for it because I’m so tired of everything. But for you, it's not. It's really not."_

" _What are you trying to say, Natasha?"_

" _Bucky, I want more than anything in the world for you to be happy. Even if we got married because our parents said so, you have treated me like a true wife; you have taken care of me, even when I turned into this disgusting jagged doll."_

" _Natasha, don't talk like that."_

" _I’ll talk how I want. I’m dying anyways. I don't care about being proper anymore." Her eyes twinkled with something close to amusement. "I want you to be happy more than anything in this world because you have been the only one who has been kind to me. So, here's what I want you to do."_

What Natasha told him that night has stuck with him a long time afterwards. _I know you are right behind me_. He thinks gently touching her photo on the small table next to the armchair. He owes her so much for it’s thanks to her that he has something closely resembling to life and the power to confront his father and be a man of his own.

He closes his eyes picturing her still in that hospital bed, her eyes unmoving, smaller in death. Her red hair was loose on the pillow and her cheeks were hollow, but still, there was a peace, which frankly Bucky envied. There was no more hurting and still Bucky felt his heart break. He had lost that day one of the two people in this world that he loved and that loved back. Probably the pain in Steve's case must have been double because he had completely loved Peggy.

Steve's smiling face appears behind his eyelids and he opens them slowly as if he is expecting the younger man to be right next to him, lounging like a lazy cat on the couch. He wonders if Steve sleeps right now. His lips twitch in a restrained smile.

Steve is different. There is a deep sense of it within his very bones. Perhaps it’s the way he speaks with his son, or the way he interacts with the people around him. His friends love him; his family adores him. Steve doesn't need him in his life, and yet Bucky can't help feel drawn into that man's light, the sincerity with which he treats everything, and his stubborn nature. Like a moth to a bright light. Bucky sighs. He will burn. He shouldn't do this. He shouldn't let Steve in, but that man is a force of nature.

" _I like him." Rebecca's sunny voice made him smile again as they had taken lunch together. "He's impossibly short-tempered and he kind of blurts things out. You know what he told me? That he hates Chappy and gives him the creeps." Rebecca's happy laughter warmed Bucky inside. "Who does that? And he's so cute when he blushes. Oh, Bucky, I believe that if I hadn't been married to Thomas, I would have been a fierce competitor in winning his attention."_

Rebecca is right. Steve is cute when he blushes, and no thirty-year-old man should be that adorable. However, Steve is something that Bucky is not.

"You must be rolling over with laughter," he murmurs watching Natasha's picture again but finally leaving the bottle of bourbon and getting up to go to bed. Steve is different from the other men in his life. Bucky will make sure not to lose that.

In the morning, Bucky wakes up with a headache that makes him go morosely to work and just snapping at about everyone who dares to cross him. The people around him flinch but he is used to it. People don't need to like him; they need to fear him and respect him and oh, well, if respect doesn't work either, fear will just do. The interns at his firm scatter to hide in the shadowy corners of the new offices because in spite of fearing him, they know that the name of his firm on their CVs will do wonders for their future prospects.

He is on his fourth cup of coffee since morning when Lisa calls him.

"I think I remember that I asked specifically not to be disturbed." He snarls, keeping his voice to the iciest degree.

"I know, sir." Lisa's voice sounds apprehensive. In the five years she has been working for him, she has managed to get to know him pretty well. "But Steve is here and he would like to see you."

"Steve?" Bucky blurts like a high school girl and then almost bumps his head over the desk. "Send him in." Bucky tries to keep his morose tone and almost succeeds until a happy voice comes screaming into the office.

"Bucky!" Eric's face shines with enthusiasm and happiness and that is about all it takes for Bucky to forget about everything in the span of the five seconds it takes for Eric to run into his arms.

Bucky is stunned but he still manages to wrap his arms around Eric's small body. The little heart beats right next to his before he looks at Steve who has a small smile on his face.

"Hey." He says and then grins like a lunatic. Eric squirms in Bucky's arms so he lets him go but Eric just settles on his right knee and starts chattering instantly.

"I had the idea, Bucky. Daddy didn't want to come because he didn't want to dist- disrupt- daddy, what was that word?"

"Disturb."

"Yes, disturb." Eric smiles at Steve with an adoring face before he turns to Bucky. "But we are going to the park Bucky and daddy said it's lunch time and I know you want to eat, and I told daddy to come and take you with us."

"It's that true?" Bucky looks amused at Steve who just snorts.

"Yeah, I’m afraid this is the little man's merit."

"Daddy, I’m not little." Eric rolls his eyes adorably.

"Ok, ok, but you haven't asked Bucky like I taught you to."

"Oh, yeah, sorry, daddy." Eric scrunches his face in what he thinks it is a very serious face, but Bucky just wants to laugh. "Bucky, will you come to the park and lunch with us?"

"Please," Steve mock whispers.

"Pretty please." Eric says looking pleadingly at Bucky with the biggest puppy eyes he has seen in his entire life.

"How can I refuse such an offer?"

"Yes! Daddy, he's coming!" Eric says enthusiastically, jumps down, and runs around the desk, hugging Steve's waist.

"Well, who can resist your serious face?" Steve looks at Bucky, soft eyes taking into his form and then frowning a little. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," his heart stutters a little bit, "just a rough morning." It has been so long since someone has taken care of him. "Let me just grab my coat and we can go."

"Are you sure about this?"

"I’ve never been surer in my entire life." Bucky smiles. He wants to kiss Steve just like he did last night, feel those lovely lips against his but he knows it's just too soon and after all, Steve's presence here is a miracle in itself. Therefore, he just takes his coat and then gets out of the office after them.

"Lisa, I’ll be gone for lunch. Please, cancel my appointments and settle the papers until three."

"Yes, sir." Lisa says, a secret smile on her lips.

"Bye, Lisa." Eric weaves and the woman melts almost instantly in a puddle of goo. Yeah, apparently everybody is weak in front of Eric's adorable face.

"Bye, Eric."

The people give them strange looks as they walk for the elevator but honestly, Bucky doesn't give a damn, especially when Eric continues to talk animatedly about what happened at school.

"And then Emily took his drawing and kissed Danny on the cheek." Eric makes a disgusted face that makes both Steve and Bucky laugh and the people in the elevator smile. "So gross. Now I know she is really mean, daddy."

"E, I think she kissed him because she likes Danny."

"I don't thinks so, daddy." Eric frowns endearingly. "Because when you like someone, you have to be nice to them. This is what you told me daddy. And besides, Danny doesn't like girls because they don't play with cars and they don't make funny noises when we play with our soldiers."

"Danny said that?" Bucky finally dares to ask, and Eric looks at him brightly.

"Yes."

"So what did he do when Emily kissed him?"

"He wiped his cheek and came to play with me." Eric answers proudly. "Emily is ugly anyways."

"Hey," Steve exclaims as they finally get into the underground parking lot, "what did I say about ugly and beautiful?"

"That everybody is beautiful in their own ways." Eric answers petulantly. "But daddy, Dana is really beautiful and she likes playing with the cars. She doesn't like the soldiers, but that's ok, because I don't like her dolls either."

"Do you see what I’ve to put up with?" Steve smiles affectionately at Bucky and the older man smiles right back. There is that warmth again within his veins, covering him from head to toe and making him think that he can have this.

He helps Eric get in the back and adjust the seatbelt around his body and then smiles again, when he sees Steve's kind face watching him with kind of wonder in his eyes. Bucky loves Steve's face because it is so open, so easy to read. He closes the door and gently touches Steve's hand because he can't do anything else. Not right now anyways and he knows that Steve wants this to be slow.

"Hey." He whispers while he can still hear Eric oohing and wowing in the back of the car.

"Hey back." Steve says softly and squeezes Bucky's hand. "Soon, ok?"

"Yeah."

He squeezes back Steve's hand before pulling away and going around for the driver's seat. They both get in the car and almost immediately, Eric starts talking:

"Daddy, Bucky's car is so much nicer than ours. Can we buy one like this too?"

"Sure, buddy, when you become that famous vet and you start bringing money in the house." Steve jokes, looking at his son lovingly as Bucky starts the car. "Hey, now that you mention it, I also need a new phone... Sorry, buddy, I think it's time you go to work too."

"But, daddy, I can't go to work." Eric giggles. "I’m only seven."

"Well, you need work experience, son. You have to start from an early age."

"Daddy, you're silly."

Bucky doesn't say anything, but he feels thrumming with life and contentment and for the first time in many years he thinks that maybe he gets to have this. Genuine affection, from a boy who lost his mom too soon and from a man that lost his wife but who's still open to life. Bucky glances at Eric in the mirror and then at Steve next to him, how both of them smile and chatter. They are mesmerizing.

"Bucky, you're a lawyer. Tell him he has to start working, support his dad, and forget about the school." Steve's voice makes him smile again and he looks in the mirror at Eric.

"It's ok, Eric, I'll make sure daddy is properly punished for this."

"Yay!" The boy pumps his fist in victory while Steve pouts at him.

"I thought you're on my side."

And Bucky finds himself laughing without even knowing it. The sound comes rough and an even for he hasn't laughed in a very long time, but both Steve and Eric join him in his laughter as if they hadn't noticed how unnatural it feels for him. He is beyond grateful for these two people and he will do anything to protect them.

And if this turns to be one of the best lunches in his life, nobody has to know but he and his heart.


	9. Blaze

They are sitting on the couch with Eric between them, eating popcorn, and watching Chappy when Bucky springs it on him.

"I think we should go to a date."

Two things happen at the same time. One, Steve chokes on the popcorn he was just about to eat and two, his son, his own flesh and blood, squeals in happiness as if he isn't already used to seeing Bucky and Steve together. The popcorn scrapes his throat, so it’s definitely not funny; his eyes water and it takes several gulps of air and some slaps on the back to get that piece of stuck popcorn further on. In the meantime, his son has lost all interest in Chappy's adventures. Steve glares at Bucky who just patiently waits for his answer.

"But I thought we were already dating," Steve finally dares to mutter. "I’m confused. Haven't we been doing this for the past month?"

"Yes, we have. But we’ve never gone on a real date and I want to do that with you." Bucky says it in such a soft tone that Steve blushes a little.

"Oh, alright then."

"Yes!" Eric pumps his fist in victory and then suddenly get up from the couch and looks seriously at Bucky. He is already dressed in his batman pajamas and he is trying to look utterly impressive, at which he rather fails miserably but Steve loves him even more for that.

"If you go on a date with daddy, I want to ask you something."

"Of course." Bucky nods and Eric likes that a lot. Steve just settles more comfortably on the couch because he has a feeling that he will like this, and he almost regrets that he doesn't have his camera around to film this moment.

"How old are you?" Eric asks and Steve snorts, trying really hard to hide his laughter. Bucky frowns a little bit.

"I’m 33."

"Wow, you are older than daddy." Eric's chocolate eyes widen in surprise.

"Hey, kiddo, now wait a minute. Are you trying to say that I’m old?" Steve intervenes scowling at his child while Bucky's lips twitch in a now very familiar sign that he wants to smile but tries to contain himself.

"No, daddy!" Eric fidgets a little. "Because then grandpa would be really _really_ old."

"Yeah, I don't think you should mention that to him."

"I know, daddy." Eric rolls his eyes and then goes back at watching Bucky. "Are you going to take care of daddy?"

"To the best of my capabilities." Bucky answers seriously as if he is on trial and every wrong answer might lose him the case.

"And do you have food at home?" Eric asks again and this time Steve can't help himself. He just laughs out loud, uncaring of what Bucky might think of him. It is just too funny.

"I think it's time you and Eric came to my apartment. Just to convince your son I’m not a poor person, living on the streets." Bucky says smiling and Steve smiles back.

"Say yes, daddy. And Bucky can take us with his car. It's much nicer than ours."

"It's because you refuse to work and help your poor daddy out." Steve jokes and ruffles his son's hair. Eric giggles and turns back to Bucky.

"Are you going to be his boyfriend?"

"Jesus, E, where did you hear that?" Steve intervenes because yeah, he is not so amused when it comes to hearing these sorts of questions. He is not a woman for crying out loud.

"Grandpa told me to ask Bucky these questions, daddy, so I can find out his true…", Eric scrunches his face delightfully, before he continues, "something. I don't remember exactly, daddy."

"You mean intentions?"

"Yes, that's it."

"That old bastard." Steve mutters making sure that his son doesn't hear that. "I'll have a word with him later on."

Bucky watches the entire exchange with some kind of awe in his eyes, amused at the same time by Joseph's antics. But what Steve likes the most about the entire thing is how relaxed he is, the familiar tension gone from his body. 

Still there are many things between them, that need discussing and being boyfriends is still out of the question. _Too soon_. His heart will whisper as soon as Bucky does something even remotely just for the two of them, but Steve battles with the feeling every day and so far, so good. But being boyfriends. It is a little too much and from the look that Bucky throws at him, he is aware that Bucky might not agree with that one.

"I promise I’ll take care of your daddy, Eric." Bucky replies to his boy and Steve realizes that he might have missed some chucks from this conversation.

"Ok then, Bucky. I’ll let you date my daddy."

"Thank you, Eric. I really appreciate that." Bucky smiles as if he really means it and if Eric hadn't agreed to it, he would have done it. Steve smiles affectionately at Bucky who responds the same.

They watch the rest of Chappy's adventures while Eric grows more silent, a sign that he is finally tired and ready to go to bed. By the time the episode ends, he is almost asleep on Steve's side, his head nestled into his father's ribs, while Steve's arm keeps him in a half hug.

"Hey, E, time to go to bed."

"Ok, daddy." His boy is pliant when he just takes him in his arms and buries his head in Steve's neck.

"Bye Eric. Sleep tight." Bucky whispers, kissing gently the top of his head. The little boy squirms a little and gets his hand around Bucky's neck before kissing him on the cheek.

"Bye Bucky." He then rests his head again on his dad.

"I'll be right back." Steve whispers and Bucky just nods in response. Steve takes his son upstairs in his room, lovingly settling him in bed and putting Dodger right next to him. His son buries himself deeper between the sheets and Steve kisses him.

"Good night E. Have sweet dreams. Love you."

"Love you too, daddy. G'night." By the times Steve gets out of the room, his son is out like a light. Going back downstairs, he finds Bucky channel surfing.

"Hey." He whispers and sits down right next to him, Bucky's body heat sipping through his clothes warming him even more.

"Hey." Bucky sneaks an arm around his shoulders, drawing him closer and Steve rests his head on the older man's shoulder. He closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of being so close to someone again.

"Do you really want to go on a date with me?" Steve asks and hears Bucky's rumbling voice in response.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise. But there's something I've been meaning to do the whole night."

"What?" Steve opens his eyes and looks at him just in time to see Bucky's eyes darkening slightly before leaning towards Steve and capturing his lips into a passionate kiss. 

It never gets old to feel Bucky's hand on his cheek, or the feel of the strong muscular arms around him. It is somewhat cheesy and sickening sweet how much Steve enjoys kissing Bucky. When they part for air, Steve smiles affectionately at him, licking his lips.

"Hmm, I definitely agree with this." This time he is the one to initiate another kiss, savoring Bucky's flavor as if he has never tasted something better. Things haven't gone too far between the two of them, although Steve has started thinking seriously about this. 

However, there is never the right time and in spite of wanting this so much, there are enough things to keep him in check.

"So I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eight?" Bucky whispers while kissing Steve's jaw, giving it small pecks and nips and the younger man feels those butterflies run wild into his stomach.

"Yes." He answers breathless, trying to respond in turn by passing his fingers through his brown hair. Always so smooth, it makes Steve swallow hard in order to keep what small control he has over his body, which is not much taking into consideration he is almost in Bucky's lap. "What should I wear?"

"Something elegant. I’m going to treat you to a really fancy restaurant."

"Where I can still be myself and not scare the nobility, right?"

"I think there's no chance about that."

"Tomorrow at eight then." Steve kisses Bucky this time and the heat between them spikes again and Steve can't help but moan in pleasure when Bucky's hands rest on the small of his back, pulling him closer, touching everywhere. It is too delicious.

"Stop," Steve whispers, "we can't do this."

Bucky nods, resting his forehead on Steve's and they both try to steady their breaths, which isn't easy at all.

"It's too early, I know." Bucky says, softly caressing a small path of skin from under Steve's t-shirt.

"No, it's definitely not too soon." Steve smiles reassuringly. "But I can't do this while my son is upstairs and could wake up at any moment."

"You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn't think about it."

"I’ll ask mom to take him tomorrow night at her place. She will be able to spoil him rotten and baby-sit him while we have our date." Bucky looks at him with that awe again and then smiles mischievously.

"I see."

"Good to be on the same page with you, old man." Steve laughs as he lets Bucky get up from the couch.

"Don't forget you are not that young either." Bucky smacks his ass, the gesture is so familiar, and yet so unusual for Bucky that Steve is stunned for about half of second before he starts laughing. "I like your laugh." Bucky confesses and draws Steve into another embrace.

"And I like to see you relaxed around me." Steve tightens the hug.

"You are the most genuine person I know, Steve." Bucky's breath caresses his ear, making him shiver. "Thank you for having me tonight."

"Thank you for coming."

They kiss again before finally Bucky manages to disentangle himself and smile ruefully at Steve.

"Tomorrow night then?"

"Tomorrow night at eight."

They kiss again and then Bucky leaves, Steve staying behind, watching the car disappear around the corner with a silly smile on his face. He goes back to the living room, cleaning it a little bit.

It’s his last free weekend, as on Monday he starts working again. The doctor has cleared him, and he feels great. He loved the past few weeks, enjoying Bucky's company, especially since the man hasn't pressured him to do anything, he wasn't ready of.

He still feels moving on shaking grounds, because Bucky is not like any other person he has met, and he knows that he hides some scars as well, but at the same time, he wants this. Surprisingly, he really wants Bucky. He goes to sleep looking happily at Peggy's picture.

"Can I have this?" He whispers, searching for her confirmation but none comes. Yet, there is peace in his heart and perhaps that is the best answer right there.

The next day, Steve runs late by the times he gets to his parents. It is five o'clock and he still needs to get ready for his date and his parents don't cooperate.

"Daddy's got a date with Bucky!" Eric exclaims as soon as they enter the house instead of hello, and Steve is absolutely mortified when he sees his mother's wicked smile and hearing his father wailing almost instantly:

"Did you hear that, Sarah? Our beautiful son is going on a date. I feel like crying."

"Shut up, old man." Steve puts down Eric's things and then scowls at his father. "And you might want to explain to me what all those questions that you trained E to ask Bucky were."

"I absolutely don't know what you mean." Joseph grins maniacally at him and Steve rolls his eyes.

"That is the stupidest fake innocent face that anyone has pulled on me."

"Your face is stupid." His father replies.

"Great, dad, that is really mature."

"Joseph, leave the boy be." His mother looks at Eric. "Did you ask him everything, E?"

"Mother, not you too!"

"Yes, grandma." Eric answers proudly. "Bucky is older than daddy, did you know that? He's 33." There is wonder in his voice and Sarah can't help it but kiss her nephew right there.

"You are the sweetest child ever."

"Thank you, grandma."

Steve looks at his watch.

"Ok, I'll be going now before this turns into madness." Steve kneels in front of his son. "Now, you be good, listen to your grandparents and tomorrow daddy will come in the morning and have breakfast with you, ok?"

"Ok, daddy." Eric hugs him tightly. "Love you, daddy."

"Love you too, E. See you tomorrow."

"Ok, bye, daddy."

"You have fun, son. We'll want to hear all the details tomorrow." His mother winks at him and Steve blushes hard.

"I’m so not going to say anything to any of you. You're crazy enough without me giving you ammunition."

"We love you too, beautiful boy. Have fun now."

"Dad, you do realize that I’m a thirty-year-old man, right?"

"You'll always be my boy, that's for sure."

"Bye." Steve rolls his eyes and gets out of the house of madness before he is stuck forever in there.

By the time eight rolls in, Steve is ready, wearing black slacks and a grey shirt, which makes his blond hair really stand out. He tried to tame it a little bit, but his hair had a mind of his own and he just shrugs impatiently when he has a final look in the mirror. When he sees Bucky, he forgets about going to the restaurant.

"You look amazing." The older man says, and Steve just swallows hard because seriously it should be illegal for someone like Bucky to look so good.

"You too." He manages to say, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. Bucky is wearing black slacks and a white shirt, his hair falling loosely on his shoulders and he smells delicious. He gives him a slow kiss before he asks.

"Shall we go?"

"Yes."

The way to the restaurant is filled with small questions about work and Eric and Steve likes the comfortable atmosphere between the two of them. It is more than he expected, and it is perfect. However, his emotions run a little wild. It is the first date since Peggy died that he truly wants to impress, he wants to make things good for both Bucky and him. Not to mention what comes afterwards.

The restaurant is actually nice. In spite of being quite elegant, it has a really relaxed atmosphere and the people there seem to know Bucky because they greet him with sincere smiles on their faces and they give them a nice table, more discreet than the others.

"They really like you." Steve notices as soon as they are left alone to scan through their menus. "Have you come often here?"

"Yes, I must admit I have." Bucky smiles at him. "You like it?"

"Yes. I admit I was expecting to be taken to a really stuck up restaurant, but this is definitely great."

"Stuck up restaurant?"

"Yeah, you know… minimalist portions which leave you starving to death and people speaking only in French."

"I know one or two places like this, but you deserve something better."

Steve blushes again and hides behind the menu ignoring Bucky's knowing look. After they order, they talk some more about their jobs and what Steve will do when he gets back to work. 

They talk animatedly all night and there is never a moment of awkward silence between them. Bucky relaxes with each moment spent in Steve's company and it is wonderful to see that. It is clear enough that Bucky doesn't relax often so to be able to have such an effect on him is definitely rewarding.

By the time they are to the desserts, Steve is openly admitting to himself that he truly likes this man in front of him.

"Man, this is really good." Steve almost moans in pleasure when the soft chocolate mousse lands in his mouth and Bucky smiles at him.

"I think you might have a thing for chocolate."

"Who doesn't?"

"Oh, if it isn't the great Barnes Bucky himself."

Steve has never seen Bucky's mask fall so rapidly on his face again. The relaxed atmosphere dissipates almost instantly and the man in front of him tenses, his muscles are hard again as if he is about to be ripped apart. He looks up at the new arrival.

Calculating brown eyes look back at him with a condescending smirk on his face. The man is tall and dressed in an expensive suit. His brown hair is cut short; the lines of his face making him look a ruthless man. Steve doesn't like this man at all.

"Steve, this is Brock Rumlow. Brock, this is Steve Rogers." The man ignores completely Steve, staring at Bucky with a hateful gaze.

"Your new plaything? Are you into the proletariat now? How the mighty have fallen."

"Keep your disrespect for someone else, Brock." Bucky's icy tone makes the stranger tense as well. Steve has the chance to watch the legendary Barnes ruthlessness at work.

"Or what?"

"You know better than to ask that question." Even though Bucky is still seated, he clearly dominates the man in front of him, looking at him with disdain and for a second Steve wonders if that look one day will be destined to him.

Brock huffs but doesn't say anything else, and for the first time focuses on Steve. His skin crawls with distaste.

"You clearly don't know the man in front of you or you wouldn't sit here right now." Brock finally says in the coldest tone possible. "I advise you, Steve, to abandon this ship while you still can. This bastard has a way of sucking up the life out of everyone before tossing them without any remorse."

"Clearly we are not talking about the same person, Brock." Steve replies squaring his shoulders. "So, I suggest you leave me and my partner alone because you are ruining what has been until now a perfectly nice dinner."

"Oh, a feisty one." The man replies. "I like you. I like you a lot." He continues with a pensive look upon himself that Steve can't actually interpret but he sees Bucky tensing even more so he scowls at the man.

"I suggest you leave. Now."

The stranger doesn't say anything else, but he leaves them remarkably easy. However, he has done his job. He has managed to poison the entire pleasant atmosphere. The chocolate mousse doesn't look so appealing now.

"We should ask for our check." He suggests and Bucky looks startled.

"I’m so sorry. I didn't expect him to come here."

"It's ok, you don't have to apologize about that grade A asshole."

"That he is indeed."

Bucky asks for the check, which he pays entirely, and then they leave. On the way back the atmosphere is completely different and Steve wonders if he has just met the man that ruined Bucky Barnes.

"Was he an ex of yours?" He dares asking.

"Yes." Bucky answers coldly and Steve doesn't want to see that mask on his face again. It is as if they have reverted to the beginning when Bucky was a cold man, incapable of human emotions. Steve doesn't say anything else, regretting that such a lovely night had turned into a disaster in the span of a few minutes.

When Bucky stops the car and doesn't make any gesture of getting out of it, Steve gets pissed off. It is one thing to let that horrible man ruin their date, but it is a completely different thing to ruin absolutely everything.

"Don't you want to come in?" He asks although it is kind of a rhetorical question since he already knows the answer.

"No, I think we should better call it a night."

"Right because there is nothing better in the world than letting a bastard ruin everything." Steve snaps back and Bucky's frown deepens when he finally looks at him. "He already ruined our first date, are you going to let him have it and taint it? Because if you do, then I don't know why you are still here."

They stare at each other, anger and disappointment burning hotly between them.

"Right. I guess I had my answer then." Steve says bitterly and gets out of the car before leaning a little bit and looking straight into Bucky's eyes. "And just for the record, you are definitely better than he is and I didn't believe one fucking poisoned word coming out of that douchebag."

He slams the door, anger blazing in his veins. He gets the keys out and unlocks the door disappointed in Bucky. Just as he opens it, a strong body comes from behind and tightly embraces him.

"Don't believe him." Bucky whispers hotly at his ear. Steve's heart beats a mile per minute especially hearing that pleading voice. "Don't ever believe him. You are special to me. So special. The first person to see through my bullshit. Don't give up on me."

"I’ll never do that." Steve says and Bucky pushes him in the house before he slams the door behind him, and turns Steve around, kissing the daylights out of him. He tastes everything possessively and Steve just lets him have him, giving back as much as he can.

Elegant fingers open his shirt so quickly he doesn't have time to register as he is too dizzy with want. Those possessive lips taste his skin as if they have never tasted something better and Steve almost loses it. It has been so long since he has been cherished like this, wanted liked this.

His fingers fists Bucky's shirt before he makes the older man take it off and when they kiss again and they chests are touching, Steve moans in pleasure.

"Let's go upstairs." He whispers breathless and Bucky just nods, his eyes blown with desire.

They barely make it to the room, too busy with tasting each other, and once they get to it, they both lose their trousers pretty quickly. Naked, they crash in his bed, unable to keep their hands from roaming around, from kissing. 

Steve feels like Bucky is everywhere, leaving him breathless with want, rutting and seeking for friction, everything to increase the pleasure, which washes wave after wave over them. 

They aren't going to last too long. It is too much. Steve feels on fire, every nerve termination stimulated, every cell of his brain fried by too much lust. He forgot how good this could be

Sweat slicks their bodies, making everything go much easier and when the pleasure skyrockets, Steve falls, his fingers pressing hotly in Bucky's muscles, keeping him close. He is vaguely aware when the other man follows and afterwards, he keeps him close in his arms, letting them both catch their breath and start being aware of each other again.

Steve feels the other man's heart beating wildly against his body and it makes him smile. 

"Stay the night." He whispers gently.

Bucky looks up in wonder and then slowly nods, as if afraid that Steve might take his offer back. When they are both ready to go to bed, Bucky spoons Steve and nuzzles him.

"How come I’m the little spoon?" He asks grumpily.

"Because I want this." Bucky kisses his neck and that comfortable silence settles between them.

"Bucky?"

"Hmm?"

"I won't give up on you."

Silence. Another kiss.

"Thank you."

Steve smiles and then settles more comfortably before finally fall asleep, refusing to think about anything else.

If only he had remembered this the next day, when he totally freaks out.


	10. Burnout

In the very first moments of consciousness, Steve doesn't open his eyes. He just savors the feeling of being wrapped in another person's warm arms, feeling Bucky's breath slowly caressing his neck with each puff of air, feeling their warm sleep skin pressed against each other. 

It’s a blessing, truth be told. Steve hadn't been loved in so long he forgot the feeling of just being another person's world, if only for the a very few precious morning hours. It is good. It is strangely good.

He takes a while relishing in the warmth of the bed and Bucky's body and tries to empty his head of everything else. He just feels one of Bucky's hands on top of his heart, he feels its strong grip on it and wonders when this whole thing they got between the two of them managed to become so powerful. 

They hadn't gone all the way last night but even this, even these superficial caresses, even these gentle touches mean to him so much. He had done what he hadn't in over four years.

He smiles. That is good, isn't it? He starts to live. It is a good sign, isn't it?

But as soon as he opens his eyes, the comfortable world in which he lived for the last precious moments starts crumbling down, because his sleep crusted eyes fall first thing on Peggy's picture. As soon as his eyes fall on her smiling face, everything collapses like a card castle. And isn't that ironic?

Each muscle tenses extremely, making him wish he could do something, anything to melt away into that soothing state he was before. But he can't. Peggy's smile is still there. He had sex while his dead wife's picture was still there, on the nightstand. He didn't even think about that. It can't be. He has never done that before. He has never forgotten about her picture like this, in this insensitive manner, as if she meant nothing anymore.

He feels sick. There is no other way to put it. All those contented thoughts have disappeared in a nanosecond, torn away by the harsh reality of his actions. 

Wasn't it too soon? Wasn't it too early in the stage of their relationship? And most of all, how could he? Just like this? In their former bedroom where he hasn't taken those pictures down.

He looks transfixed at the picture of his dead wife and his stomach lurches so hard that he can't stay there anymore, he can't stay next to Bucky and relish in his warmth when he has just betrayed his wife like that. 

His stomach lurches again and this time Steve is on the move. He slowly starts to disentangle himself from the mess of limbs that he and Bucky have created and thankfully, the older man doesn't stir at all. He ignores the dark-haired man's body, stretched beautifully on his sheets, graceful muscles in stark contrast with the rest of the plain sheets. He knows that if he looks at that image this whole thing might hurt him even more. And that's not fair. Neither for him, nor for Bucky.

He goes to bathroom and closes the door gently. He allows himself for a moment to breathe, his forehead leaning on the cool wood of the door. He even allows himself a moment of relaxation before suddenly tensing again.

_ What have I done? Oh my God, how could I do such a thing? _

The next moment he pukes his insides and probably more in the toilet, taking a sick pleasure in feeling all that pain. He deserves it. He has failed Peggy. There is no other way to put it. He retches a couple more times but only bile follows.

"Steve, are you all right?" A gravelly voice asks from the other side of the door and that definitely makes Steve feel sicker. He doesn't want to face Bucky. He can't look him in the eyes and tell him that what they did last night was a mistake and it should never happen again.

_ Run away. Fast. As fast as you can and don't stop until this man forgets about your pathetic ass and moves to greener pastures. _ __

"Yeah," he moans pitifully, "just probably something from last night's dinner didn't agree with me."

"Are you sure? Do you want me to make you some tea?"

Steve bangs his head against the vase and tries not to feel like the lowest of the lowest scum.

"Yeah, that would be great. I’ll be out in a minute."

"Alright."

He so doesn't want to go out of the bathroom. His breath comes in short panicked puffs of air, while his nose soars and his eyes are drowned in tears, he doesn't know if it's from all that puking or just his regret.

His stomach twists itself in more knots but at least for now it lets Steve take a short shower and wash his teeth, before finally being able to get out of the bathroom. He regrets the move almost instantly. Bucky is dressed in his boxers and one of Steve's t-shirts and waits for him, smiling kindly. Steve feels sick all over again but this time for a completely different reason.

"How are you feeling?" He asks and helps Steve settle down in bed once more. He personally would like to scream and make everything go away but then again that is not an option and he should just stop wallow in self-pity.

"Like shit warmed over." Steve tries to joke, and Bucky smiles again giving him the still hot tea.

"That good, huh?"

"Yeah." Steve takes a sip of tea, which isn't bad at all and then lets Bucky kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I have to take a shower and then leave for a couple of hours at work." Bucky says against his lips and in spite of feeling his stomach roll again, Steve smiles a little.

"You're already dumping me?"

"What can I say? I’m a cold-hearted bastard."

"I'd like to disagree with you here." Steve smiles again. "Maybe you are a warm-hearted bastard. After all you brought me tea to bed instead of making me crawl for it to kitchen."

"I feel somehow responsible."

"Whatever for?"

"Well, I was the one to bring you to that restaurant."

"Bucky, trust me when I say this isn't your fault. At all." Steve sips some more tea this time avoiding looking into Bucky's eyes and if the older man senses something is wrong, he doesn't say anything and lets Steve get away easily.

"All right then. I’ll go take a shower."

Steve just nods and closes his eyes once he is left alone for fear, he might have to look at Peggy's picture again. He drinks his tea and then he almost falls asleep by the time Bucky gets out of the bathroom dressed in last night's clothes. Soothing fingers caress his blond hair and makes Steve snuggle in their warmth.

"Steve, I have to go. Talk to you later. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok." He mumbles and then he falls asleep still feeling those fingers caressing him, as if all he waited for had been their permission.

A couple of hours later when he wakes up groggily, he lets the whole mess cover him. He slowly gets out of bed and then changes all the sheets before finally daring to look at Peggy's picture.

"So, I messed up last night." He mumbles, not sure of what else to say. His thoughts are a mess and he ignores everything else in his body. He does laundry and cleans the room, airs it and then after he eats some toast is ready to go to his parent's place and pick up Eric.

"Daddy!" His son yells as soon as he steps in and Steve just smiles tenderly at his son, scooping him in his arms and hugging him. "Chappy ate a whole carrot last night and then this morning he was a little sick, but then grandpa told me he would be fine. And we ate popcorn and grandma read to me a great story, daddy."

"Wow, you have been really busy, buddy." Steve smiles lovingly at his son and puts him down. "And you listened to your grandma and grandpa?"

"Yeah, daddy."

"Hey Stevie." Sarah greets him when they enter in the living room. Coloring books are spread all over a small table and Chappy watches them sleepily from his cage before he resumes his favorite activity. Steve tries to behave as natural as possible but as soon as his mother asks, "So how was the date?", his whole body freezes.

"It was great." His mother's eyes narrow in suspicion.

"Steve…"

"Seriously, mom, it was great and can we not for once talk about this?" Steve says exasperated because he really doesn't want to think about all this.

"Ok." She smiles sad at him as if she just realized what is wrong.

"Where is dad?"

"Grandpa has a patient." Eric answers instead, whispering conspiratorially. "His hand was crushed, daddy."

"You saw it?" Steve asked alarmed before his mother puts him at ease.

"Of course not. Eric was with us when the men came after your father. He heard the conversation, that is all. By the way, how are we going to manage starting Monday?"

Steve feels confused for a moment because he almost forgot. 

Monday, he returns to work and he can't wait for it. Although he visited the guys a couple of times during his leave or the guys came to his home for a game and waste time, he still missed the adrenaline of it and their jokes and laughter. 

He discusses with his mother how to take care of Eric while he is at work. Most of the times it was either his mother of his sisters that played the babysitters for Eric while Steve was at work and that always made him at ease to know his son was well cared for.

They talk some more as Steve avoids Bucky's name like plague and by the time he leaves from his mother's place, he is ready to crush his head against a wall. And that doesn't change when they get home. Steve fully concentrates on Eric, helping him with homework and then playing. Bucky calls him at one point to ask how he is feeling, but Steve's answers are clipped, and the conversation ends abruptly.

Sunday is spent with Eric as well, trying to make up for the following days when they won't get to spend so much time together. As if he has a seventh sense about this sort of things, his son doesn't mention Bucky although Steve can see that Eric wants to ask him things, things that Steve isn't ready to explain yet. 

Therefore, he pretends that everything is all right and that he doesn't want to crawl out of his skin. It's Sunday when he starts ignoring Bucky's calls.

On Monday, he goes back to work. He is on the first shift and he is glad to have something to do. The guys are more than happy to see him back at duty and Barton pretends that he doesn't care but makes Steve's transition rather easily. 

They don't have many calls and by the end of the shift, Steve is back on track. This is how the next two weeks go. He goes to work and spends the rest of his spare time with his son, while ignoring Bucky's calls. He gets really good at that although at some point his resolve almost falters when he receives a single message from the older man: _I thought you promised not to run away_. Steve swallows his regrets and keeps on moving with the motions.

By the end of the first week, Eric gets curious about what happened to Bucky, but Steve just tells him that the other man is really busy, and he can't be with them so often anymore. If he feels guilty about lying to his son is his business only. But running away from his family can only get him that far and by the end of the second week, Sasha doesn't let him escape anymore.

She waits for him after he goes to Eric and kisses him good night and Steve knows that this won't end up very well.

"So how are things going with Bucky?" Sasha asks him as she follows him in the kitchen while Steve pretends to be exceptionally busy finding something to eat.

"Fine…"

"Steve…" Sasha's perfect eyebrow rises in doubt and Steve sighs before slamming shut the door of the fridge.

"I might have not talked to him after our date." He passes his fingers through his blond hair and then looks uncomfortably at her.

"What?" Sasha's anger stains her face with red spots. "Why? What have you done?"

"What? How come is it my fault?"

"Because I know you, Stevie, and I know how you react, and something tells me that it is entirely your fault. Don't tell me! The date went perfectly and then you got cold feet."

"It's not like that."

"It's not? Seriously? Then how is it?"

"Something might have happened after the date." The admission makes Steve blush a little more and his sister looks astonished at him before leering.

"Are you trying to tell me that you had sex with Bucky Barnes?"

"Something like that."

"Oh, my God! Then what is the problem? I seriously don't see it."

"Sasha, would you stop being so gleeful about it?" Steve snaps and takes a sit at the table. "I had sex with another man while my dead wife's picture still laid on the nightstand. I had completely forgotten about her. How could I do something like that?"

"Wait a minute. Did you just say what I think you said? Are you _that_ stupid?" Sasha almost growled. "You are unbelievable! I can't believe this. It's been four years now, are you going to bury yourself with her as well?"

"Sasha, stop!"

"No, I won't stop. I’m sick and tired seeing you running away from anything remotely resembling to a relationship. And I’m sick and tired to keep these encouraging speeches, tell you that you have to move on, that _she_ is dead, not you. I’m sick and tired of repeating myself."

"This is not fair." Steve mumbles defeated.

"No, Stevie, I’ll tell you what is not fair: It is not fair to see your brother like a zombie after his wife died. It is not fair to see him refuse to live even for a second just for himself. It is not fair to see him refusing to go out with people for fearing that he might disrespect his wife's memory. It is not fair to see him acting like he's already dead as well." 

Sasha starts crying but refuses his comfort when he tries to give it. She furiously wipes her tears. "Eric doesn't need a father just in name, he needs a true father. A parent who realizes that sometimes his happiness counts as well."

"I’m just not-"

"Don't you dare telling me you're not ready. Because you are. I’ve never seen you more alive since you have met this man. And don't tell me he's not for you. Because he so is. You try to give me bullshit and say that maybe there will be someone else. Truth is though you will never find someone else. There will be no one comparing to Peggy, because she was unique. There won't be ever someone like her but do try molding every person that you meet in that precise pattern and see what happens."

"I don't try to find another Peggy." Steve replies angrily.

"Right, then why not give people a chance? You will find excuses for every person that you will meet, and you will avoid any relationship until you will be old and alone, bitter with the life that you had. Cherishing Peggy's memory is not by burying yourself alive, it is by living your life and protecting the memories that you had together. It is by moving on. Don't use her as an excuse to avoid relationships because then you are the one who actually soils her memory. And you know that she would have never judged you. She the least of all."

"You don't understand, Sasha." His voice halfway breaks. "You don't understand how it is like to live with the knowledge that you won't be able to see the person that you love for the rest of your life. And you don't understand the guilt that enwraps me every time I remotely think about moving along with my life."

"And that guilt is misplaced, Stevie. You are right. I don't understand because I haven't been in your situation but I’ve watched you die a little inside every day." Sasha starts crying again and this time takes his hand. "I can't do this anymore, Stevie. _We all_ can't do this anymore. Watching you deny yourself like that is like watching a train wreck over and over again. Look at me." Sasha looks sadly at Steve and the young man feels drowned in her sorrow. "It is alright to love again."

"Sasha, I-"

"It is all right to love again." She emphasizes each word, not letting him speak. "It is all right to go out with other people and let them love you back. It is all right to forget things. And you will keep forgetting, Stevie because this is our life. This is how it goes. It doesn't mean disrespecting someone's memory. It is just simple survival. Stop running away from it. Do you like Bucky Barnes?"

"Yes." Steve answers without hesitation startling himself.

"Then go out with him, love and be loved. Perhaps he will break your heart. Perhaps you will get to be with him until the end of time. But don't hide anymore. Don't let this fear driving away the little hope you have left and most of all, don't let Peggy stop you from living. I think she is horrified and disgusted to see you using her memory like that."

"You don't know that."

"Actually, I do. What did she always say to us? Love is the most important thing in every person's life. You know how much she lacked that until she met you. You know how she hated people losing their love for the sake of some arbitrary reasons. Don't pretend that it is not your cowardice that keeps you away from Bucky. We both know the truth."

"I don't know how to move on, not to feel guilty about all this." He breathes burying his head in her small hands as she kisses the top of his head.

"I think it is high time you learned that, Stevie."

"Do you think I should call him?" He asks after a while in a frail voice and Sasha makes him raise his head before smiling gently.

"I think you should go to him. I wouldn't answer the phone if I saw who was looking for me."

"Right."

Steve picks up his cell phone and dials Bucky's office number. He speaks with Lisa who tells him that Bucky is still at the office and that he will stay there for a while. He thanks her and asks her politely not to tell Bucky he called, murmuring something about a surprise. She seems not to know about the rift between the two of them, so she is more than glad to oblige.

After he ends the conversation, he looks hopeful at Sasha who rolls his eyes.

"Just go. I’ll stay with Eric until you get back."

"You know that you might send me to a moment of total heartbreak, right?"

"After how you behaved with the poor man, I think you actually deserve it."

"Right."

"Good luck though." She kisses his cheek and then hugs him tightly.

"Thank you. Sasha. You are a great sister and I love you very much."

"I love you too, you big sap."

Steve drives carefully, slow music playing in the background. He thinks about the things his sister said and knows them to be true. He knows that in the morning, he will have to move Peggy's picture in the living room and that he will have to talk with Eric about it. However, for now he wonders if things with Bucky won't end tonight. He knows that he behaved like a brat instead of an adult man. Nevertheless, there are still so many things to learn, so many things to heal and he knows that not all of them are solely about him.

He parks his car in front of Bucky's new office building and waits. It is the best he can do. He tries to come up with good excuses for his behavior, but they are futile at worst and flimsy at best. The excuse _I’ve been a coward_ can get one out of messes for so long.

When he sees Bucky in the big lobby of the building, saying good-bye to the guard there, Steve gets out of the car and surrounds it so that he can become visible to Bucky. The older man looks tired, but Steve is surprised to feel an incredible rush of affection sweeping over him, when a few of those dark tresses fall over the beautiful face.

Bucky reads something on his phone, and he raises his eyes just in time for the automatic door to open and reveal Steve in the streetlight. The man freezes as Steve's own breath starts accelerating. He swallows hard because how can someone truly apologize for this? His hands shake minutely as he takes a step forward while Bucky finally moves from the door. He puts the phone in his pocket and takes small steps towards Steve. They are halfway to each other when Steve finally dares to smile wobbly. Bucky's face remains unreadable and Steve fears for a moment that this is all too late. Almost two weeks without any sign, two weeks of unanswered phone calls and ignoring.

Surprisingly though when they are finally face to face, Bucky takes a deep breath and suddenly wraps an arm around Steve, pulling him tight to his body and keeping him so close that Steve can almost feel his heart. Steve's both hands come up, taking full fists of Bucky's smart jacket and harshly breathes before whispering:

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Bucky doesn't reply but there is no need for that. His arm is an anchor keeping Steve tight and for the first time in four years, Steve breathes freely. They stay like that, uncaring about the eventual stares that they might get from people, ignoring everyone else except their own presence and when Bucky suddenly ruthlessly kisses him, Steve knows that even if this ends up in heartbreak, it will still be an amazing experience.


	11. Fire

Steve can feel the kiss deep within his bones, prickling at the edges with incredible warmth and in spite of the lack of tenderness, the sweet taste of being wanted is there, in the tight grip in which Bucky holds him. There is a blur between where one ends and the other begins, but Steve is at peace for the first time in the last weeks and this is more than he had hoped for. He moans a little when Bucky catches his bottom lip with his teeth and nips at it. How could Steve dream for even a second that he could give up all this and bury himself again?

"This discussion is far from being over." Bucky says in a husky voice both still ignoring that they are in public. Steve ignores the shivers and locks his eyes with Bucky's. The blue orbs have darkened under the sweet pressure of desire and Steve almost cries in frustration of not being somewhere more private.

"I know." He finally dares to whisper.

"You get cold feet one more time and there won't be a second chance, Steve." There is something almost vulnerable in Bucky's voice as he looks tenderly at him. "You can't keep doing this."

"I won't. I promise."

"You know you have said that before, right?" There is a hint of irony in those words but there is nothing funny in them. "You said you don't break your promises."

"I got... confused." Steve keeps his hand on Bucky's heart feeling its steady beat. "It won't happen again." He reiterates convincingly.

"All right. This is neither the time nor the place to have this conversation." Bucky lets him go and suddenly Steve feels bereft of something almost vital to him. Now that he doesn't hold Bucky in his arms, they feel useless, but the older man smiles softly at him and Steve smiles in return.

"I can't stay anyway. I left Eric with Sasha and I have to get back."

"Of course." Bucky reaches for Steve's cheek and caresses it. There is something passionate burning in his eyes, the whole atmosphere charged with the electricity between their bodies and Steve is almost left breathless on that pavement. "I missed you." The older man whispers, and Steve might have missed it, if he hadn't looked at Bucky like he was his entire world at that particular moment.

"I missed you too." Steve replies and leans in Bucky's hand, kissing his palm. "Look, tomorrow is my day off and it's Saturday. If you don't have much to do, why don't you join us for the day?"

"I’ve to be here for a couple of meetings in the morning, but I think I can join you for lunch and the rest of the day."

"I'd like that. We'll – we'll talk some more tomorrow."

"Alright. Goodnight." Bucky leans again and kisses him softly on the lips.

"Goodnight." Steve mumbles before finally daring to let Bucky go. The brown-haired man smiles again and slowly goes to his car while Steve goes back in his car and drives back home with a sense of peace that makes him smile like a loon the whole way home.

As soon as she sees him, Sasha mirrors his grin entirely.

"I guess things worked out with the big shot lawyer."

"Yes, they did, but let me say this, if he breaks my heart, I’ll eat all your chocolate reserves for one month. And you will be the babysitter on demand."

"Yeah, yeah, like these threats actually work on me." Sasha rolls his eyes. "And now that I kicked your ass back in the gear with my brilliant reasoning, it's time for me to go or I won't be very fresh for my date tomorrow."

"What?" Steve sputters while Sasha gathers her things ignoring him. "What date? Who is this guy and how come I don't know anything about him?"

"Oh, God, not the big brother routine. I thought you got rid of that in high school."

"Just because I graduated, doesn't mean I stopped being your big brother. And stop changing the subject. Is he nice? Does he treat you all right?"

"Well, I can't say much in the looks department, because you date a seriously hot guy, but let me tell you I actually like my new guy."

"You do realize I might have to call some of my police friends and check on him, make sure he's all right for my baby sister?" Steve scowls and Sasha rolls her eyes again, this time a slight blush covering her defined cheeks.

"Stevie, do that and I’ll make sure Bucky sees those embarrassing pictures of you when you were five." She says in the sweetest tone and Steve freezes completely.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, but I so would. I’ll even make dad give the full story."

"You are one evil sister and I don't love you anymore." Sasha kisses him on cheek and he hugs her briefly.

"Yeah, yeah." She looks pensively at him for a moment. "I haven't seen you like this in a very long time, Stevie. He makes you feel better. I’m really happy you went to him tonight."

"Me too."

"Did you grovel?"

"No, but I think that is due tomorrow."

"Yeah, most likely you will need to kiss some serious ass." Sasha eyes widen. "Oh, my God, I can't use this expression with you anymore, because you would definitely enjoy that."

"Sasha, what the hell?" Steve yells blushing so furiously his ears burn, while his sister chuckles.

"Something tells me that now I’ve so much mocking material it will last me a lifetime."

"See if I ever speak to you again."

"Right. Bye, Stevie. See you soon."

"See you, and thank you, Sasha for everything."

"Anything for my favorite brother." She says as she saunters towards her car.

"You have only one brother." He scowls again.

"Meh, details."

Steve laughs as he goes back in the house and starts checking everything before going up to his bedroom. He takes a quick shower and then goes straight to bed. The thought of seeing Bucky tomorrow makes him fall asleep with a little smile on his face.

"Daddy, daddy, wake up! It's morning!" Eric yells as he jumps on the bed around him, making Steve groan.

"Can't you give daddy five more minutes?" He mumbles as he tries to pull the blankets above his head.

"But daddy, you said that ten minutes ago."

"I did, didn't I?"

Steve opens reluctantly his eyes to see his son grinning from ear to ear at him. He is dressed in a white t-shirt and some pajama pants that are somewhat small for him.

"Daddy, you look silly."

"Silly?" Steve scowls. "What do you mean silly?"

"Your hair sticks in weird ways."

"Well, we can't all be handsome like you, you know? But I’ll show you what it means to wake up your daddy so early, you little beast." Steve lunges for his son and starts tickling him mercilessly. Eric laughs freely as he tries to bate away his father's hands but to no use. When he finally ends the tickling, Eric is flushed with the exertion of constantly laughing looking more adorable than usual.

"Daddy, you are happy this morning."

"It's because of your laughter." Steve smiles as his son puts his head on his ribs. He starts to pass his fingers through the soft mop of blond hair, so similar to his. "But also because of what we are going to do later."

"What are we going to do later?" Eric's eyes narrow suspicious of what his father might say.

"We are going to meet Bucky for lunch and then he will stay with us for the rest of the day."

"Really? Cool!" Eric exclaims and closes his eyes contently. "I can't wait to see Bucky. I missed him. Chappy missed him too."

"Of course he did." Steve swallows around the sudden lump that wasn't there before. There are so many things, which could go wrong between Bucky and he, and his son might be affected the most but there is no turning back.

They spend most of the morning in bed as Eric tells him about what happened during the week. At a certain point, they nap a little so by the time that Bucky joins them, they barely made it out of bed, and they are eating their cereals in front of the TV watching Chappy and his adventures.

"You are a pair of slugs." Bucky decrees as soon as he sees them on the couch still in their pajamas and looking ruffled. Steve makes serious efforts not to eagerly jump on the older man. While Bucky looks good in elegant clothes, he is ten times more handsome in a pair of black jeans and a blue sports shirt.

"I'm not." Eric pouts. "I told daddy to wake up, but he was lazy and said that Saturday mornings are made to be spent in bed."

"Is that so?" Bucky raises an eyebrow making Steve squirm.

"I was sleepy," is the best answer he can come up with, shrugging.

"I thought we were going to the park." Bucky says and Eric gets all excited as soon as he hears the magic word.

"The park? Great!"

"Or maybe Coney Island."

"Wow, daddy, can we go, can we?" Eric clings to Steve's forearm like a vice and sometimes he has to wonder from where his son draws so much force.

"Sure, ok, let's go to Coney Island. We haven't been into one for a long time."

As soon as he finishes, Eric gets utterly enthusiastic about the whole thing. He hugs Bucky and then Steve and then decides that he has to go and change. He disappears upstairs to his room in mere seconds leaving Bucky and Steve long enough to kiss fervently.

"Hi." Steve whispers like a besotted teenager.

"Hi." Bucky whispers back and this time he kisses him a little less hungrily. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Thank you for coming."

They kiss one more time before Steve also goes upstairs to change and ten minutes later, he finds Eric showing Bucky Chappy and telling him how he took the rabbit to school last week to present it to his classmates for the "Bring your pet" day.

"And everyone loved him and they wanted to give him carrots. Danny said Chappy looked better than his doggie, Pow."

"How is Danny?" Bucky asks patiently. "Emily still troubles him?"

"No," Eric snorts ridiculously enough to make Steve smile, "now she likes Matty. But Dana still plays with us."

That extraordinary warmth engulfs Steve again. Bucky remembers every little detail about Eric, and he wonders why he hasn't noticed that. Moreover, on the road to Coney Island, Bucky keeps asking questions making Eric chatter happily.

They keep mocking Steve, but he doesn't mind because he is too happy. Bucky smiles at him every once in a while, or he takes his hand and squeezes it gently. There are a thousand of small gestures that hide a gentleness of soul, which makes Steve happy and content.

Once they arrive at Coney Island, Eric wants to try every available and suited ride for him and after two hours, Steve feels exhausted from merely keeping up with his son. On the other hand, Bucky enjoys the entire day as if it is the most spectacular day in his life. His features are relaxed, and the pointy edges have disappeared, leaving just soft smiles and tender eyes. Steve stays in line for some food while Bucky and Eric wait for him at the table. They smile happily, Eric holding the teddy bear that Bucky has won for him at a target contest. Occasionally, they raise their eyes and track Steve with the same wonder on their faces. They wave and Steve waves back and chuckles when he sees Eric's happy face.

"You have a beautiful family." An older woman smiles brightly at him and he almost wants to say that they aren't like that, but he stops because truthfully, he wants this. He wants this _a lot_.

"Thank you." He murmurs, smiling shyly. He buys food and returns to the table quickly, a silly grin on his face.

They spend all their day at Coney Island and by the time the sun sinks on the sky, Eric is peacefully sleeping in Bucky's arms while Steve carries all the toys and stamps and other small prizes that they have won for Eric. The sense of being a family doesn't disappear although it's still too soon to think about that.

They talk that night about all and nothing. Steve explains his reasons for keeping away and Bucky reveals a little more about his marriage.

It is not perfect by any means, but their relationship advances quietly and peacefully from that day on. All Steve's free days are spent together, and Eric seems to like the idea very much.

The rest of his little spare time is spent with the family and his friends, while still trying to figure out who is Sasha's new boyfriend. She still refuses to bring him for the Sunday dinner until she knows him a little more.

There is calm settling in Steve's life and that is more than he wanted or deserved. But that shatters quickly one morning towards the end of his shift.

"Steve, there is someone looking for you."

As soon as he looks up, he can spot a man dressed up in a suit that probably costs Steve's entire wardrobe for a month. The dark suit is fitting, giving a sense of custom made for an uncanny client. The grey hair is cut short and wired glasses protect the dark orbs. Everything about this man screams money but Steve has a truly bad feeling about this and as soon as he approaches the man, the feeling intensifies.

"Hello, Steve. My Name is George Barnes and I’m Bucky's father." Steve feels his insides twist as he raises his hand to shake the man's own hand.

"Steve Rogers, nice to meet you." He lets it go as soon as he can.

George watches him for a second without saying anything else, but he must have underestimated Steve because the young man watches back.

"You are a very interesting man, Rogers." The man finally adds shrewdly, and Steve doesn't like the tone one bit.

"Am I to understand that I’m being assessed?"

"Would that bother you?"

"Not much, no. When it comes to my person, there is just one person whose opinion I value most and this is definitely not yours, sir."

"I see you are a spirited one." George says and it startles Steve to see how much his tone resembles that of Bucky before they were better acquainted. There is no emotion and unnecessary use of words. Straight to the point with a mechanical precision.

"Is there a point to your visit, Barnes, or should I leave you alone to make your own assumptions and observations?"

"Rude too."

"I think you are rude, sir." Steve scowls harder. "At least I had the courtesy to pretend to be polite."

"Very well, let's get to business then." The man's eyes are colder than a glacier. "I’ve come here to offer my thanks for saving my son's life and also to ask you how much you want, so you and your son can disappear from my son's life."

"One: you are welcome. Two: how about fuck you? If you would pardon my French." Steve's demeanor has changed completely. His muscles have tensed, and he balls his fists for fear he might actually feel the need to punch the man in the face.

"Listen, Rogers– may I call you Steve?" This George guy asks like a serpent and Steve takes a deep breath.

"Not unless you want to be punched in the face." He growls and the man actually backs off a little. He clears his throat and continues:

"As I said, Rogers, I’m a man of fortune. Whatever sum you think of, I can offer it to you."

"You think your money can turn your son straight?"

"I can always try. I told you it is within my power to have any sum of money at my disposal."

"And I told you to go fuck yourself."

"Listen you little prick," this time the man has given up his polite façade and actual hate filters in those frozen eyes, "I’ve had this experience with my son's lovers before and they have all chosen the easy path. So how about you choose it too? An impressive trust fund for your son won't hurt and if you want one too, that can be arranged. My son hasn't changed in his stupid desire to pursue his unnatural cravings, but I think that with a little bit of help from your part, that can actually be solved."

Steve doesn't make a conscious effort of hitting the man; actually, he barely registers it mostly due to the pain to his knuckles.

He almost punches the man a second time, but he stops himself at the last minute by breathing deeply and thinking that he has just punched Bucky's dad in the face and there isn't much forgiveness for that.

"Now, you listen to me, you freaking bastard," he seethes ready to stomp on the man, "I don't know how much the dignity of a man costs where you come from, but here in the slumps it still shows the value of a person. I know it is actually difficult for you to comprehend such notions but offer me one more time money to leave your son and I’ll fucking punch you a second time."

"Do you have any romantic notions that this little thing between you and him will last?" George takes out a handkerchief and presses it over his busted lip. "I’ve seen my son leaving behind people that used to mean something for him. I’ve seen him admitting that he is gay merely days after his wife's funeral. I’ve seen him breaking a certain Brock although Bucky said that he loved him. You are nothing but a blip on his radar in his way to better things. You mean nothing to him."

"I mean everything to him and even more." Steve retorts, every fiber in his body screaming to hurt the man in front of him. "I don't know whether I’ll end up for eternity with Bucky or we will go on our separate ways in the long run, but I’ll definitely stand by him. He is nothing like you and I’m truly grateful for that. He doesn't treat people like dirt, and it makes me happy that I’ve saved your son's life."

Steve takes two steps into George's breathing space. "Don't come here again. Don't contact me and don't try to come between me and your son again. You don't know me, Barnes. You don't know what I’m capable of to protect my loved ones. I’ll stop at nothing. _Nothing_ , do you understand that?"

The man refuses to make another sound, but he backs off and this is an answer enough for Steve. There is something mysterious in the man's gaze. Maybe he is a little startled by being refused or maybe he doesn't give a damn about what Steve thinks about him. However, Steve can at least hope that he won't have to see this man ever again.

George Barnes looks hard at Steve one more time and the young man refuses to back down even a little, so he continues to stare back at George like he is a mere cockroach. They part ways like that and Steve still feels the need to punch one or more walls, depending on what it might make him feel better.

He stomps back in the unit just as his colleagues begin to wonder where he is.

"Steve, what happened?" Barton asks alarmed as soon as he sees the blond-haired man's face, but there is too much in his soul, a storm threatening to fill his heart to the brim and there is just one person that can make him feel better. He ransacks through his things until he reaches his phone and punches the speed dial viciously. It rings only once before Bucky answers in a warm voice:

"Steve…"

A weary sigh coming from the depth of his soul crawls out between his lips and it takes several deep breaths to steady his voice.

"Is everything all right?" Bucky asks, his voice tainted with worry.

"I'm sorry." Steve finally answers. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Steve, what is wrong?"

"I didn't mean to do it, Bucky honestly, I didn't," Steve blurts out the words like he might actually catch fire, "but it happened so quickly, and he said all that rubbish about you, I just couldn't help myself."

"Steve, what did you do?"

"I just punched your dad."


	12. Explosion

_Interlude_

Some important papers on his desk absorb Bucky's attention when his phone rings. A gentle smile blossoms on his lips the moment he checks the name of the caller.

"Steve…" He says instead of hey, the name rolling deliciously on his tongue. Upon hearing the deep sigh though, Bucky tenses in a matter of seconds. "Is everything all right?" His voice tainted with worry resonates across the line and Steve answers him in the smallest of voices.

"I'm sorry." His boyfriend - and this right here, calling this man his boyfriend is in a delicious category of its own - finally mumbles uncomfortably. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Steve, what is wrong?"

"I didn't mean to do it, Bucky honestly, I didn't," Steve blurts out the words like he might actually catch fire, "but it happened so quickly, and he said all that rubbish about you, I just couldn't help myself."

"Steve, what did you do?"

"I just punched your dad."

There is a moment of total silence because Bucky can't exactly believe his ears. Imagining his almighty father being punched for the crap that he spews most of the times is a sight that Bucky almost regrets not seeing.

"You did what?"

"I punched your dad. Look," and Bucky can picture Steve passing his fingers nervously through his blond hair, "he was being a prick about it and the things he said weren't exactly nice."

"Did he offer you money to leave me?" Bucky growls, the familiar anger bubbling just across the surface. He has dealt with enough of his dad's schemes to know the pattern.

"Yeah, a trust fund on Eric's name." Steve is almost gleeful when he continues: "I told him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine just so we get clear on that matter."

"I didn't have any doubts about you, Steve." Bucky says and then realizes that it is not some damn hyperbole to make Steve feel more confident and trustful. It is absolutely true. Bucky does not doubt Steve's affection for him, just his courage to follow it without hurting the memory of his dead wife.

"How many times has this happened, Bucky?" Steve's soft voice makes the older man genuinely smile in spite of the seriousness of the question.

"More often than not. And some of those people weren't so resilient like you. What you did today-"

"-was goddamn natural." Steve snarls. "No offense for your dad, but he is an arrogant bastard and I don't believe he has your best interest at heart at all. The way he spoke about you, Bucky, made my blood boil and the punch was definitely deserved."

"You're a good man, Steve." Bucky mumbles warmly and he can almost feel Steve's flushed face.

"Not so much since I go around punching people in the face for telling me things I didn't want to hear about. And talking about consequences, do you think he will sue me? I threw a pretty mean punch."

"No, he won't because I’ll make sure of that." Bucky sounds commanding and he likes that. Steve brings a new wave of confidence in him.

"Are you sure? Because let me tell you, if he does, I most likely will lose the house to pay him damages and you might find yourself with me and Eric in your apartment." Why this possibility does not make Bucky sad at all?

"Of course, I can't leave you on the streets. And it will actually benefit me more than any other arrangement that we might find."

"How so?"

"Well, let's just say you will have to pay your rent in sexual favors."

"Is that so? Isn't that a little illegal, Mr. Lawyer?"

"Who has to know?" Bucky's voice gets down a notch. "Imagining you naked on my silk sheets is not a bad image at all."

"Jesus, stop it!" Bucky laughs playfully, hearing Steve's embarrassment. "I'm still at work."

"When do you finish work?"

"In a couple of hours." Steve hesitates a little as if his suggestion would not be welcomed. "Do you want to have lunch with me and Eric? We promise we will be on our best behavior."

"Like I could believe that such things are merely possible. But yes, call me when you get home." Bucky's serious voice returns. "And Steve, rest assured that my father won't trouble you again. And he won't take any legal action against you."

"You have my back?"

"I’ll always have your back. Just like you have mine."

"It's definitely my pleasure." Steve's leering tone makes Bucky smile.

"Thought so. Now take your mind out of the gutter and go finish work so we can spend some quality time."

"See you later."

"Of course."

After he ends the phone call, it is only a matter of minutes before he reschedules all his meetings for the day and leaves to have a talk with his father.

It takes him almost half an hour to reach his father's offices and by the time he is in the elevator, Bucky's anger has dissipated almost completely.

Confronting his father while being blinded by anger is not a mistake he is about to repeat again.

The generic music of the elevator reminds him to regain his composure and he schools his features to express nothing, a fact that constantly annoys George.

His father's office is on the uppermost floor, as he hates to mingle with people of lesser condition. Even his partners and his clients, some of the richest men in New York, can't compare to the greatness of the Barnes name.

Perhaps his superiority or his harsh manner of addressing other people has made his staff dub his office as "The Torture Chamber".

It was not surprising in Bucky's humble opinion because even after so much time, Bucky deems the nickname perfectly appropriate.

How many times has he been summoned into that office only to be humiliated and psychologically scarred? He hates everything about this building and his displeasure can be easily read in the tense line of his shoulders.

Bucky passes his father's secretary without so much as a glance in her direction and she knows better than to stop him, although he hears her faintly warning his father about his presence. He knocks at the massive oak door and then enters.

His father is already expecting him, looking pristine as ever in his expensive black suit and Bucky often wonders if one day, he will end up being the spitting image of his father, a cold monster lusting for money and power, tromping on people as if they were nothing.

He takes a seat without being offered, a silent greeting between the two of them. They asses each other as if they were on a battlefield and their cold assessment stands true as a proof of how bad things have become between the two of them.

Bucky has always perceived his father as a dictator, whose will and word must be abided at any cost. A stranger to his own father, Bucky has been closer to his grandfather whose protective wings have come in handy more than once. After Natasha's death, things have steadily declined until the strained atmosphere made Bucky speak rarely to his parent.

Natasha's death and consequently his promise towards her brought a complete change in Bucky's attitude. No longer was he the man obsessed with doing everything right, his duty towards the Barnes clan above all else.

The logical first step had been admitting that he was gay. Having done so very subtly and with much common sense, his next step had been creating his own law firm by succeeding in convincing almost all his clients to follow him at the new firm. Those who had not done so have regretted it later, but by then, it had been too late. He has acquired the fame of a ruthless but fair man and most of his cases have ended in success.

It was said that Bucky Barnes did not like failure, but probably it was easier to say that failure hated Bucky Barnes and moved away from him as fast as possible.

Without a shadow of a doubt, his father hasn't forgiven him and thus hated him for two things: admitting that he was gay and having success without his support. However, Bucky hated more how much they resembled, how easily sometimes he would dismiss a person, keeping his superior arrogance. With duty and honor ingrained at his deepest level of consciousness, Bucky was sometimes the spitting image of his father.

"It didn't work," Bucky says breaking the silence at last. The temperature in the room has dropped to freezing levels.

"Well, you've found a stubborn bitch but they all cave sooner or later." George's eyes glitter dangerously. His words are repugnant to Bucky, but he schools his features as neutral as possible, letting his father continue. "He will be just a tougher cookie to break. Let us see how stubborn he will prove to be after I finish with him. He will count all his blessings if he still has a dollar after I’m done with him."

"Both of us know that you won't act upon your threats. I don’t think it would sit right with your partners. Sue the man that has saved your son's life might be hard to swallow even for them. A hero can't be harmed, didn't you know that?"

"Even heroes fall." His father seethes, displeasure written all over his face. His arrogant mask has cracked a little.

"Not this one." Bucky growls menacingly. He looks at this man whom he calls father and sees nothing but a threat to his own happiness. George Barnes is an utter stranger.

"What makes him so special?" George finally breaks the silence, his eyes narrowing to a hateful line.

"The simple fact that you ask such a question is a proof that you won't understand anything. As such, I won't waste both our time." Bucky's tone turns icy. "But I want to settle something. You will stay away from him and you will not speak or try to contact him again."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes, it is." Bucky's voice is tough as granite. He leans a little in his chair, a battle of wills in full swing. "Do something against him, his son, or his family and I’ll end you, father."

"You don't have the necessary means or balls to do it, boy."

"Don't I? Who do you think grandfather will support if I call upon the council?"

"You wouldn't dare to do that." George has finally lost his cool composure.

"Wouldn't I?" Bucky finally stands up. "I’ll fight for Steve like I’ve never fought before. One wrong move and I won't take into consideration that you are my father."

"I’m not the father of a degenerate such as you." George's poisonous words hit Bucky hard. He blanches and George marches on with a sick twisted smirk on his face. "A fucked-up man who likes to take it up the ass is no son of mine. If you decide to continue in this awful pursuit then you and I are done, boy."

"And what exactly finishes between us, George?" Bucky's fingers leave half-moon marks in his palms as he fits them tightly. "You are nothing but a cold-hearted bastard whose only contribution to my upbringing has been impregnating my mother. The fact that we share the same genetic material does not make you my father. I’ll inform grandfather that any relation between us has died. I’ll also inform him of your threats, sir, and I’m sure he won't tolerate such rubbish in his family."

"Hiding behind your grandfather won't ever make you a true man."

"If being a true man means ending up like you, then I would rather continue hiding behind grandfather than look at you another moment."

He can't look at his father as he exits the office. He ignores everything and everyone as he returns to his car. He slams the door with enough force to rattle the entire car and yet he still can't perceive anything other than the fact that he has just lost a parent.

A parent who for all intents and purposes has never loved him and yet, perhaps Bucky has kept this hidden hope that one day George Barnes might be the father that he needed him to be. A father like Steve is to Eric.

There are few moments in Bucky's life when he has considered turning for the better for his father, become the perfect soldier, become someone that his father wants him to be.

This is most definitely not one of those moments.

He has found something worth fighting for, something that he has never had, not even with Natasha. He has the chance of having a family and be loved the way Natasha told him he deserved to be. And if this means giving up his father for good, then so be it.

It does not mean that it does not hurt any less.

He starts the engine and gets out in the heavy traffic of the center of New York. He doesn’t know how long it takes to get to Steve's little neighborhood and stop the expensive car in front of the small loving house. He really can't remember how long it takes to just breathe, compose himself and be a man about it. He doesn't realize how minutes tick by, slipping away from his grasp, trying to figure out a way to just forget that some things ever happened.

What he can remember is the way the door of the house opens the minute he knocks, and he is welcomed with a happy and delighted squeal of his name and a hug around his legs. And in this particular moment, away from all the hurtful things that have been said to him along his life, Bucky knows that he has finally arrived home.

He looks down at Eric who grins widely at him and smiles back although there is a sudden lump in his throat. How can someone think that being a parent to this kid is a bad thing? How can his father even dare to question his affection for this child and try to steal it away from him?

"Hey, Eric." He says back and scoops the child in his arms. His beautiful eyes look worriedly at Bucky.

"Bucky, don't you feel good? Does your tummy hurt?" The gentle childish voice is soothing for his nerves and he hugs the little boy.

"I don't feel so well, but could you give me a hug? I think that it might make me feel better."

"Sure." Little arms enclose on his shoulders and squeeze as if they don’t want to let him go. "Daddy always hugs me and kisses me when I’m sick. Daddy says that love heals everything." The childish whispers make Bucky hug him more tightly.

"I think your daddy is right." He murmurs softly. "I feel better already."

"E, we should at least let the man in and close the door before demanding hugs like an abandoned puppy." Steve's amused voice makes Bucky look at him but as soon as he meets Steve's eyes, his boyfriend's face darkens. Eric turns towards his father.

"Daddy, I'm not a puppy and Bucky doesn't feel good. He needs hugs."

"I can see that." Steve smiles gently. "How about a group hug then? Let's make an Eric sandwich!" Steve takes a few steps and hugs both of them in a matter of seconds, his chest pressed against Eric's back while his strong and callous hands are on Bucky's back, drawing gentle circles, soothing whatever made Bucky's eyes look so sad. Between the two of them, Eric giggles happily, hugging Bucky and laughing in his ear. It’s probably one of the best moments of his life. And he hates his father for even attempting to take this away from him.

"Now I'm afraid this Eric sandwich has left me starving." Steve smiles gently while his son giggles. "Ok, buddy, how about we let Bucky take a shower and change? You go play a little with Chappy, keep him company and daddy will go prepare lunch."

"Yay, food!"

Eric squirms in Bucky's arms until the older man takes the point and settles him down. The little boy runs up the stairs, ignoring Steve's comment about 'no running' and leaves the two of them alone.

"Are you alright?" Steve asks softly and Bucky shakes his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not now." Bucky finally speaks and he is surprised to hear how gruff his voice sounds like. "Maybe later."

"What do you need?"

"Just you and Eric, that's it."

"Then you have us." Steve smiles kindly and takes Bucky's hand. The older man looks at their intertwined hands, elegant fingers tenderly pressing against callous fingers, and he slowly pulls Steve back to his chest, kissing him furiously. He feels ravenous for this man's taste on his tongue. He needs to reassure himself. He keeps their hand like that while the other wraps around Steve's waist. His heat seeps through the thin clothes.

"It's ok." Steve whispers between kisses, his other hand gently messaging Bucky's nape. "Everything will be ok."

And Bucky can only close his eyes and let himself be loved. It is a new sensation, one for which he has just fought his father for. Why can't George see how much this man means to him? How Steve's kisses make him feel like a true man? How his hugs speak of love, friendship, and trust?

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

Steve leads him towards his bedroom where he gives him some sweatpants and a t-shirt and then takes him to bathroom. He only leaves Bucky alone when the brown-haired man assures him that he is going to be all right.

The warm water is soothing, and he stays a while under the spray, trying to erase from his memory the last hour. He really can't deal with it at the moment. When he gets out of the shower, he dresses in Steve's clothes and feels a little better. The t-shirt is a tight fit, but the sweatpants are loose, although a little short.

He goes downstairs to help Steve prepare lunch. He can't do much, but it takes his mind away from all the others. Steve tells him stories about his work, funny ones which make Bucky smile and kiss the blond-haired man every once in a while, as if to reassure himself that he is still there. The kitchen is flooded with the sun's light, making Steve's hair looking almost surreal.

"You are beautiful." He whispers, as Steve blushes so hard that even his ears are pink. He looks up at Bucky, the gentle brown color hued with different chestnut shades.

"You don't have to butter me up, Bucky. You know I’m already yours."

"Mine." Bucky repeats after he gently kisses the younger man. They smile at each other before they separate. Bucky is in charge with settling the table.

"Take five plates." Steve says rather dismissively but Bucky is no fool. He can see some anxiousness in Steve's eyes.

"Why? Who's coming?"

"I invited Rebecca and Thomas to have lunch with us. I hope you don't mind." Bucky kisses him thoroughly just to prove how much he does not mind.

His sister and her husband arrives a short while after. They don’t say anything and the only thing that signals that this is not a common practice is the way Rebecca's thin arms hug him affectionately.

She has suffered the brunt of many of his father furious outbursts and marrying Thomas has successfully cut any tie that she might have had with her parent. Bucky likes Thomas because he makes his sister happy.

They have been together for so long now that Bucky can't remember the times when his sister hasn't been with the man, crass and foul-mouthed as he may be, making her laugh like it is the most natural thing in the world.

He looks at Steve. The young firefighter does the same thing to him.

Thomas and Rebecca spend the rest of the day with them. Eric is in seventh heaven. He has the attention of four adults, he is spoiled rotten, and Steve scowls at them for trying to corrupt his child. It is fun and nice and by the time Bucky realizes that it is almost midnight, Eric has gone to bed and his sister and her husband had left a while ago.

"Let's go to bed. Tomorrow we have a full day. Don't think that Eric will let you sleep a lot."

They slip under the cool sheets and Bucky's arms wrap around Steve, pulling him lovingly against his body. He lets the gentle breath lull him to sleep.

Somehow, during the night, Eric comes and sleeps with them because he has a nightmare and he does not want to get back to his room across the hall. They fall asleep again in a pile of love and slow breath.

And in the morning when Bucky opens his eyes and sees father and son sleeping almost in the same position – Steve's arm on his waist, Eric's hand on his chest – he knows that he has made the right decision and his heart bursts with love for them.

 _Love_.

Maybe this will be enough.


	13. Steady Flame

Here are some facts that Steve has learned along the bumpy way in his life.

When you suffer, chocolate does not do any good after a while. It just drowns the pain for about two seconds before its fire purges your soul again. 

Staying in bed and crying your heart out does not help either. It just makes you feel more powerless, the desire to dream forever deepening. 

Hearing comforting words are a _no_ as well. They just sound fake and twisted, poisonous little tendrils that make you feel guilty for not listening to them, for not caring about them, for not finding their sincerity even when they are spoken from the bottom of hearts and souls. 

Finally, being angered by everything does not solve anything. It just pushes away everything you loved; it destroys any chance of not being completely poisoned, of finding an antidote.

Here are some facts that Steve learned along the rough way in his life.

A hug and a squeeze of hands can make things better, they can sooth and alleviate the pain for a while. 

Being there without empty words is more than enough, the first addendum being that sometimes too many words can sink you like an anvil to the bottom of an excruciating and hopeless ocean. 

Hearing his son laugh is soothing to the ears and the soul; waking up in someone arms even if it is just your sister or your mother is more than enough. 

There is no coldness to fight, no empty sheets to address, there is no time and no place to think of, except for those arms wrapped tightly around you, warmth breath caressing your skin, the muted feeling that you are appreciated and wanted alive. 

His son's scent, the scent of innocent skin, his small hand dwarfed in his, his thin and small arms wrapped firmly around his neck, his eyes looking at him with love.

Therefore, this is what Steve offers to Bucky in the following days, after George Barnes has managed to rip a new one in his son. 

Steve knows they can't talk about it yet, that Bucky will need time to open up about it. However, there is a subtle comfort that he can offer, his slow affection towards him flowing stronger and stronger between the two of them. 

He can't call it love though, not yet, not for another while, but Steve is aware that he is on his way towards that place. He can taste it in their quiet kisses, in their warm embraces, in the silent communication where one twitched eyebrow and one scowl speak louder than a thousand words. It is in the way Eric smiles at Bucky, in the way they talk and lean towards each other.

Like right now.

It has been more than a week since Bucky had that confrontation with his father and sometimes Steve feels guilty for it. While he was afraid of going deeper, of trying to pursue anything with Bucky, here was Bucky offering a lot more than Steve was willing to give. For a frozen heart and a man that was determined to make everyone believe that he does not own a heart, Bucky Barnes is so easy to read at times. So defenseless.

Both Bucky and Eric are waiting for lunch on the couch, watching some cartoon. Bucky's perfect white shirt has small wrinkles around his chest, two buttons opened, his tie hanging loosely, and its sleeves are rolled up. Eric is telling him excitedly about something that has happened at school yesterday. Bucky's intense attention is on the child, asking question and exclaiming when it is appropriate, small puffs of air gently leaving his wonderful lips. There genuine love and affection between these two and Steve's heart stutters a little.

He can't believe that he gets to have this after so long, after so many years spent believing that he might just die alone and be done with it. In spite of not knowing it, Bucky has given him much more than he has anticipated, and this makes him live with a nice warm sensation in his belly which always sinks to his toes.

"Lunch is ready." He announces and smiles again when Eric exclaims _yey_ but waits until Bucky comes too. His son chats happily filling the comfortable silence when it settles, telling them about his best friend, about school and even about girls who are nice enough to play with cars. And the best thing is that Bucky doesn't seem bored at all. On the contrary, he is the one that spurs Eric on, asking questions and laughing with Steve like two accomplices when the kid is way too funny for his own good.

"Daddy, when does aunt Sasha come?" Eric asks impatiently after lunch and Bucky raises an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"Sasha has promised to take him see a puppet play and then she is taking him to my parents. They haven't seen him in about two weeks and I’ve some work tomorrow to do."

"What is the play about?" Bucky asks Eric.

"I don't know, but she says that there will be animals like tigers and lions and even cows and mice."

"Interesting."

"And grandpa will take me to eat ice-cream tomorrow if I’m good."

Just as he is about to ask what other 'foul' things Joseph has promised, Sasha enters the house with a loud "Where you at, Stevie?"

"Stevie?" Bucky mutters amused to see Steve's embarrassment. He flushes a nice shade of crimson.

"We're in the living room and stop calling me that or I'll get to meet your new boyfriend and make him see those cute pictures since you were five."

"Right, then I'll make mum show Barnes here your childhood photos or the ones which are a clear proof that Carol used to hand your ass back then."

"Watch your language, brat!" Steve yells putting his hands quickly over Eric's ears. "There are impressionable kids around here."

"Yeah, yeah." She smirks winningly at him before she looks at Bucky. "Hello, Barnes. Nice to see you again."

"Hello, nice to see you too. And please call me Bucky."

"Very well, then I’m Sasha." Bucky smiles and then looks at his watch. He frowns and Steve knows he might have spent more time with them than he could possibly afford.

"You have to go?" He asks softly, letting Eric squirm free from his hands.

"Yes, I’ve a meeting in an hour and I’ve to prepare."

"All right. Eric, say goodbye to Bucky."

"Bye Bucky." The child hugs Bucky quickly.

"Bye Eric. You be good and listen to your aunt."

"I will."

Steve gets up and leads Bucky to the door. When they are out of sight, Steve grabs his tie and pulls him down to kiss him quickly.

"Hey." He smiles softly.

"Hey." Bucky answers in turn, gently wrapping his arms around Steve.

"So, as you might have guessed, I’m home alone tonight. Do you want to come and spend the night with me?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." Bucky kisses him again, this time a little more hungrily, and Steve pushes his body a little closer, happy to see the other man so responsive. He feared for a little while back, that Bucky might be blaming him for what happened between him and George, but Bucky and Rebecca soothed his fears.

They kiss again before finally he lets the lawyer back to his job. When he returns to the living room, his sister smirks knowingly at him and he blushes.

"Oh, young love." She sings, making Steve flush even more bright to her own delight.

"Shut up." He rolls his eyes.

"Ok, I won't say anything, but some details will have to be brought to light soon or I'm taking this matter to mom."

"Wow, you're a truly horrible human being."

"Yeah, I know, and I wish I could say it keeps me awake at night, but it doesn't." She deadpans and cackles and seriously, Steve just might have to look for another sister. Thankfully, she turns her attention to her nephew who is watching TV again. "Are you ready, brat?"

"I don't know. Are you ready?" Eric asks back with a funny frown on his face, just like she has taught him, and Sasha can't help but squeal happily and kiss Eric on his cheeks.

"You're too adorable for your own good, kid. Your dad might have to fight off girls with a stick."

"Why does daddy want to fight with girls?" Eric looks thoroughly confused, and Steve chuckles.

"I’ll let you explain this." He smirks seeing Sasha's glare. "Now get out of here before you miss the play." He handles to Sasha a black backpack. "Here is his stuff. Tell mom that I’ll come and pick him up tomorrow night."

"Yeah, see that you do."

"Ok, buddy. Everything is ready. You have fun with aunt Sasha and make sure you take care of grandpa and grandma and I'll see you tomorrow night, ok?"

"Ok, daddy. Will you give me the surprise tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I will."

"Ok, you take care of Chappy."

"I will." They hug and kiss and before he knows it, he is alone again in the house. He cleans the kitchen and then goes straight to Eric's room. 

The surprise is painting his room and making it full of superheroes. He has two days off and he does not know when he will have the opportunity again to do something nice for his son. 

Therefore, for the rest of the day, he rearranges the furniture so that he does not taint it with paint and covers it with some old sheets.

By dinnertime, he has finished painting two walls and he is quite happy with his work. He washes quickly and has dinner, enjoying the silence of the house for once. He is just about to watch some TV when there is a knocking on the door and Steve groans when he gets up to answer it.

He smiles when he sees an exhausted Bucky who almost crashes in his arms when he leans to kiss him.

"That bad?" He asks softly as he closes the door and the older man winces.

"I actually think it is worse than you are imagining."

"Come on then. Straight to shower and then bed."

"You are too good to me." Bucky mumbles and kisses him again before he goes upstairs. Minutes later, Steve hears the water running and he then proceeds to make sure everything is closed or turned off, before he goes upstairs at last.

"Make yourself comfortable," he says sympathetically when he sees the older man getting out of the bathroom. "I'll be done in no time."

"Ok."

The sight that welcomes Steve when he gets out of the shower is indeed one to behold. Bucky has not changed, the white towel still wrapped around his waist. He is sprawled all over the bed, the warm glow of the lamp deliciously spreading over his lithe body. 

Steve comes closer and sits on the edge of the bed, trying not to gap like a fish. Brown hair is sprawled all over the pillow, in stark contrast with the white of the sheets and one of his hands is slightly bent while the other is sprawled all over the other side, as if waiting to be filled with Steve's shape.

Somehow the entire scene feels all too much and yet not enough. Steve inhales deeply trying to get reign over his feelings. Bucky has never looked more relaxed, more human than in that particular moment. And the air of vulnerability that surrounds him makes Steve brush gently his hand over the taught muscles of the back. Bucky's eyes flutter open and Steve smiles warmly at him.

"What are you doing?" The gruff voice does crazy things to Steve's heart and the fireman does not want anything more than to just bury himself into that body.

"Nothing. Just relax and let me take care of you." Steve whispers and his lover listens to him. Trust is a powerful drug, especially when it is given by a man as poised as Bucky. He does not have to search for cracks in the mask now, because he is probably one of the few people who truly know how the head of the Barnes clan is in reality.

If it were possible, Bucky's entire body relaxes even more, almost to the point of melting into the bed. Steve opens the drawer of his nightstand and gets massage oil, one of the few left clues that he injured his back. Sasha used to give him so nice massages to help the tensed muscles relax. 

He straddles Bucky's hips and slowly leans further pressing gentle kisses right in the middle of his shoulders, smelling his shower gel and probably something, which is entirely Bucky. He softly licks the beautiful and defined line of his shoulders, while the man underneath him moans softly.

"Shh, I've got you." Steve whispers gently biting his lover's ear lobe.

Bucky does not say anything just lets his lips twitch in an amazingly relaxed smile. Steve smiles back, although the older man can't see it, and finally clips open the bottle, pouring some oil on his hands. He then smoothly proceeds in spreading it on Bucky's broad shoulders. 

The tensed muscles soon give away to his gentle and determined administrations and Bucky moans appreciatively every now and then. Steve lets his hands wonder over the entire back until Bucky is nothing but a pile of goo at his mercy.

He smirks knowingly when Bucky starts to squirm, but he does not get him take the edge of. Instead he massages his thighs and every once in a while, lets his hands wonder carelessly between the defined thighs, without too much pressure but enough to make Bucky groan a little defeated.

"You're a goddamn tease." He grumbles and Steve chuckles knowing it to be true, but he continues his administrations, loving the feel of those supple muscles under his hands, loving the feel of Bucky's body under him. 

When both of them can't stand the pressure anymore, Steve mutters ridiculous things in Bucky's ear and then manhandles him into turning around. He grins very satisfied with himself when he sees the barely covered hard on that his lover sports but does not do anything about it as he takes more massage oil in his hands and proceeds in rubbing Bucky's arms and then his lower abdominal muscles.

Bucky widens his stance, the towel barely covering his groin, but Steve does not do anything about it. Again, his hands keep wondering off on the inner thighs, around fleshy hips.

"Steve…" Bucky finally groans defeated and opens his eyes, looking straight at him. There is so much heat, so much lust in them that he can't help but return the same hot gaze knowing that Bucky would never use it against him.

With shaky fingers, he slowly takes the towel away letting him bask in Bucky's glorious naked glory. It is an overwhelming view and he finds himself looking transfixed at the beautiful body spread just for him. 

He can take this man and break him and mark him and make him all just his. 

The sudden pulse of lust makes him fall between Bucky's open legs, letting their bodies touch in all the right places, the delicious warmth making them both grunt in pleasure. 

Steve kisses Bucky hungrily, and the older man gives as good as he gets. Open wet kisses, and both of them are hard and both of them can't keep their hands off each other. Bucky's elegant hands grab Steve's towel and rip it away letting them reveal in the newfound intimacy.

The sudden intimacy makes Steve choke on a moan and he hides his face in between Bucky's shoulder and neck. He slowly inhales deeply before nipping at it, soothing it with his tongue.

"The things you do to me…" Bucky growls as he shifts his hips a little and suddenly fire sparks all over his spine as their groins touch. 

A slow burning flame of arousal makes Steve moan desperately and leisurely moving his hips, helped by Bucky who grabs his hips possessively and gently pushes against him. The friction is just utterly perfect, and the oil definitely helps the movement so much so that Steve feels his pleasure building up way too soon. 

He starts to kiss his lover again, and Bucky's tongue almost fucks his mouth and before they know it, pleasure spikes suddenly in between them and they both reach it almost at the same time.

Afterwards, Steve lays sprawled on Bucky's body reluctant to move. He makes an apologetic noise, but Bucky just pulls him tighter to his chest and Steve smiles drowsily. He likes to listen to the heartbeat in the chest under his ear, how its tempo gets slower. He revels in having such an immense power over someone.

"We should clean up…" He mumbles, his lips touching hot skin the process.

"I think you broke me so you might as well go first." Steve raises his head and smirks at him.

"Fine, old man."

"I'll show you old man." Bucky says and proceeds in showing him that he still has a lot to learn. They spend another delicious hour before they finally clean up and go to sleep.

In the morning, Bucky leaves way before Steve wakes up but there is a text message when he checks his phone. _Good morning, sunshine_. And he really will tease Bucky for his sappiness as soon as he stops grinning like a loon and floating on pink clouds or something. 

He quickly sends a _good morning to you too_ , and then after quick breakfast he is up in Eric's room so finish it.

By lunch, he is done painting and likes the new blue shade of the walls, on which he sticks different posters with superheroes, favorites of Eric. There is a nice sense of accomplishment and he can't wait to see his son's face when he will check his new bedroom. Of course, he would have liked to have more money and buy some new furniture but the new sheets with Batman that his mom bought as a help to Steve's surprise and the entire rearrangement make the room look almost entirely new.

"Think he's going to like it, Chappy?" He asks nervously when he brings the rabbit back in the room. He does not know if the disdainful look on the rabbit's face is of disapproval or simple indifference.

He gets downstairs ready to have some lunch. He is surprised to feel so content but for the first time in years, he is capable of smiling without any guilt, without any shame that he is not a good husband or a good father, because he knows that this is what Peggy would have wanted for him. He can genuinely feel it in the way he can't keep his smile off his face, in how relieved he feels.

There is a knock on the door and Steve really hopes it is Bucky but when he opens his door, there is an old man on his threshold. 

The elder looks every bit of aristocrat, dressed in a suit that even Steve in his obliviousness knows that it costs way more than he could ever afford. His wrinkled face is stern, the air of nobility stupidly enhanced by a bushy white moustache. The same blue eyes as Bucky's stare back at him and Steve becomes suddenly aware of his attire: stained black t-shirt and ripped blue jeans covered in paint stains.

"Good afternoon. My name is George Senior. Are you Steve Rogers?"

"Hello. Yes, I’m Steve." His stance is definitely off and those slanted eyes register it, but Steve has just about had it with these Barnes. "Look, if you are here to offer me money again, then I'll tell you what I've told your son as well: I'm not interested, I can't be bought, and Bucky can make his goddamn decisions. And no, I don't like to be threatened either."

"It is good then because I’ve not come for either." The old man smiles a little and Steve lets himself relax.

"Well then, I guess you can come in."

"Thank you."

Steve leads the old man in the living room and thank God, he cleaned it before starting on his project because he seriously would have died of mortification if Bucky's grandfather would have seen it like that.

"Can I bring you anything?"

"No, thank you. I would like to discuss with you something and I would like to do so before Bucky comes."

"Bucky's coming?"

"Yeah, I just collaborated with his secretary to detain him a little." The old man chuckles a little and maybe this visit won't end that bad. "So, you're not interested in grandson's money?" On the other hand, maybe it will. Steve clenches his teeth for a moment because he seriously has to calm down before he opens his mouth.

"Look, I really don't know what Barnes' problem with money is and frankly I don't want to know, but I just about had it with it. Do I look destitute to you? Poor or something? I’ve got my own house, a nice wage, and some money left by Peggy's life insurance for my son. I have parents and sisters, some of whom earn even more than I make. If I ever need money, most likely I’ll ask them or some of my friends. And no, I'm not interested in more."

"I’m glad to hear so." And there's that smile again. Steve is confused.

"You are?"

"Yes, Rebecca told me so many pleasant things about you. I was not sure if I was ready to believe all of them, but I definitely like you, Steve, and I can hear the sincerity in your words. You will have to excuse an old fool for being happy that his grandson has found a nice young man like you."

"You are?" He might have repeated the question but if experience has taught him something then it is to take everything with a pinch of salt. "Excuse me for looking like a fool as well, but the experience with your son hasn't been exactly pleasant and I wasn't sure if I was going to repeat that or not."

"I heard you have a mean hook." George Senior smiles wryly and Steve blushes.

"He deserved it, sorry to say that, but he did."

"I know. My son can be a little irrational at times."

"I think that had he done it because he loved Bucky, I might have forgiven him." Steve scowls. "But he hasn't so there's that. Now, may I ask why you are here, George, if you haven't come to threaten or to bribe me?"

"Yes, grandfather," Bucky's cold voice made both them startle. "I would like to hear it too."


	14. Pyre

Steve watches in silence the way the old man looks at his grandson with a wry smile on his face. 

His entire posture screams authority and power to convince the people around him of his opinions. The very strict appearance is a clear sign that he should not be afraid of Bucky's father at all, but rather of his grandfather. 

There is an unbreakable will that shows in the squareness of his jaw, in his bleached shirt and impeccable suit, in the way his white hair is carefully arranged. 

This is a man that can reign over the entire Barnes clan with an iron fist and then come and visit his grandson's lover and see his intentions. 

He is by far the most authoritative person that Steve has met in his life. So, he does what he has always done when faced with absolute authority which he must respect unquestionably: he disregards it completely and prepares for the storm that is about to follow.

"Hello, Bucky." George says kindly. "I see that your secretary regrettably hasn't been able to detain you much."

"She’s been in my service for more than seven years. I would say that her loyalty always stands with me and not with you, grandfather." Bucky frowns, then after a moment of hesitation, he comes in the living room and gently catches Steve's lips in a simple peck. He then smiles softly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, it's good to see you though." Steve's answering grin seems to put Bucky at ease who takes a seat next to Steve and looks at his grandfather again.

"So, what seems to be the issue?"

"Bucky, when you are using my name as a threat against your father, you should know by now that your father loves nothing more than to come to me first and tell his side of the story. And besides, since you have the audacity to use my name in your defense, I think you should be less disrespectful with your grandfather. Are you not of the same opinion?"

Bucky reluctantly nods and Steve would be amused of Bucky's more than chastened face, if he wouldn't be thoroughly impressed by the old man. He can grant a bit of grudging respect to the old man.

"Steve, do you mind if I take upon your offer of a freshly brewed cup of tea? Something tells me that my grandson and I would benefit from it."

"Yes, of course." Steve gets up and he is almost in the kitchen before turning back to the two men that he left in the living room. "But I hope that when I return there'll be no bloodshed."

"Hardly, my dear child." George Sr. smiles reassuringly and Steve nods before entering the kitchen.

He prepares the tea quickly while trying to make his mother proud and not mess something up. He swallows hard while trying not to think too much of the fact that he is trying to impress an important member of Bucky's family, perhaps the most important one.

When he returns with the tea, grandfather and grandson are discussing amiably a few business details about an important account. This puts Steve at ease and serves them with tea.

"Marvelous." The old man praises after taking a sip. "A very good tea indeed, Steve."

"Thank you, sir."

"Now," the old man returns the teacup on the table, "the reason of my visit is not as nefarious as my grandson seems to think. Unfortunately, my son did come this morning at our family house and talked with me about your relationship. As far as I’m concerned there is nothing to be discussed. However," and George Sr. drinks a bit more tea, "I can't say the same about the rest of the family."

"Has anyone said anything?" Bucky mumbles not touching his tea at all. Steve takes a gulp trying to stop himself from adding anything into the conversation.

"No, but then again they would not dare to say anything to my face, but that does not mean that they won't try and plot something against you with the help of your father." George Sr. smiles sadly when looking at Steve. "I’m afraid, Steve, that ours is not much of a loving family. Perhaps this is why my son forgets that sometimes not everything is related to power and money. He is very much confused by your reaction to his offer."

"Why is he so confused?"

"Because unfortunately, everyone else before you said _yes_." The old man's eyes sharp as Bucky's are gentle when he faces the both of them. "You might be surprised by my easy acceptance, I suppose."

"To tell you the truth, I’m a bit confused. It is not easy for people to respect such a style life and although your grandson has lived the same kind of life as mine."

"Listen, my child, when you come at my age, you realize how many of the things around this world are foolish. I’ve come to the conclusion a long time ago, that I won't waste my energy hating something that I don't understand like my son usually does. I would rather embrace it and accept the people I love just the way they are. My wife, God rest her blessed soul, used to tell me that people are all the same, in the end we are all going to become food for worms, so might as well enjoy the ride and love the people around us. Perhaps this is why it has been so easy to accept my granddaughter's choice in husband, my grandson's choices in life. It has not been an easy road and I must confess I had my doubts, but Bucky is very dear to me and I saw what it did to him when we forced our choices upon him, so I’m not going to repeat that mistake again. From what I gather, you have a son as well."

"Yes, sir. His name is Eric."

"You must be proud. And your wife is dead?"

"Yes, sir."

"Excuse for my bluntness. You may ask why I demand to know all these things. Because the reason why I came here today is to get to know you a little bit, Steve." George Sr. smiles again in a kind manner. "And to let you know that you have my blessing."

"Sir, I don't want to sound disrespectful, but I think both Bucky and I could have continued without your blessing."

"I’m sorry, but I’m not sure this would have been possible. And even with my blessing, it will be very difficult for the family to accept this as it is."

"Excuse me?"

"I’m afraid that my grandson wished not to burden you with the struggles for power in our family."

"Grandfather-"

"Bucky, it is not polite to interrupt people." George Sr. frowns and then pours himself another cup of tea. "Steve is not a delicate flower that requires your protection and you must inform him about our family as soon as possible. Do you think your father's visit will be the only attempt of such nature? Are you that naïve?"

An invisible and cold hand clutches Steve's heart as he looks back at Bucky. The simple fact that he doesn't say anything kind of confirms Steve's worst man that he cares about looks more concerned than usual and Steve doesn't like the sound of George Sr.'s words. At the end of the day, he is nothing but a lowly fireman with simple needs and a son and all these power struggles are so out of his league that it isn't even funny.

"I’m not naïve but I’m sure that if you are to say something at the next council meeting, they will back off." Bucky speaks out loud, but it sounds more pensive than usual.

"The next council meeting is tomorrow, which is very convenient for me and you both. For me because I can stand up for you and for yourself because you will present the case to the council and you will be your ruthless self again."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, but don’t worry. They will be more preoccupied with losing you than with you being gay. They do valor their money first and principles after." George Sr. finishes his cup of tea and stands up. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Steve, and please feel free to join me on Sunday for lunch any time you would like. And bring your son too. I would very much like to meet him."

"Thank you for the invitation." Steve answers without accepting or declining the invitation, something that doesn't go unnoticed by the old man. "It was a pleasure to meet you too."

"And thank you for the tea. It was very good."

"I’m glad it agreed with you."

They greet each other again and then George Sr. is leaving lead away by a more than confused Bucky. Steve collects the cups and Bucky finds him putting them a bit more than forcefully in the sink.

"Steve." Bucky says his name like he is begging for something and Steve smiles tersely at him.

"Look, I’m not going to run, but I do think about my family and Eric in particular. I don't like these threats or veiled warnings."

"Steve, you have to trust me. I’ll do anything to protect you."

"But you can't promise that, can you?" Steve snaps then feels sorry instantly for the way Bucky winces and he knows that it is not his fault for being born in such a family, but damn, the Barnes’ are a really tough bunch to like. He grabs the margins of the sink and holds tight to it. 

"The reality is your family doesn't seem to agree with your choices of life and I normally couldn't care less about it. But my priority is Eric, Bucky, and I can't let anything happen to my baby boy just because your family doesn't like some choices that you made." He looks up at the gorgeous man in front of him. "I simply can't."

"I understand." There is a sort of defeat in his voice and his shoulders seem to slump. "This means that this is it?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Steve finally pushes himself away from the skin and hugs Bucky, while the older man is holding him as if he is the last lifeline in this universe. "I punched your dad, I argued with your grandfather. I think I can fight a few other members of your family. But I want you to go tomorrow to that meeting and kick their asses. Because I’m not joking, Bucky. If my kid gets hurt with this, then I-"

The words choke him, and he can't say them, can't bring them to life. It feels selfish and real and why can't everything work out for once in his life? 

Bucky obliterates any other thought in this direction by kissing him almost violently, pushing hard at his body until Steve's back crashes with a painful thud in one of the cupboards. There is a sort of despair in that kiss that tastes bitterly and wrong and yet it is delicious simply by its very ultimate nature. 

He can barely breathe because of its passion. Bucky stares for a minute into his eyes, searching for something and he wonders whether he found what he is looking for because his lover kisses him again wet, dirty and just this side of violent, while his hands roam savagely on his body.

He pushes at Steve's t-shirt until it is off and scrapes his teeth on the tanned column of his throat, while his hands map the toned body. Hard muscles tremble with the need to be touched.

There is nothing gentle in the way Bucky plunders his mouth again or the way Steve bucks under his fiery touches making them both moan in pleasure when their bodies become so close their pleasure is evident. 

And Steve gives as good as he gets, his hands loving nothing more than ravish that perfect picture of Bucky's clothes. His fingers entwine with the silky brown locks and tug a bit rough but just enough to make the older man moan again and he can taste again that enticing aroma of Bucky's skin. 

Their hands wander on each other bodies mercilessly and they bring each other pleasure and pain and a sort of despair that only people who don't know where their relationship stands can have.

Everything is over too soon, the peaks of pleasure claiming his last coherent thought and he just holds Bucky, loving the way he looks disheveled, his white shirt hanging down halfway on his back and his trousers hanging low on his thighs. 

He lets his fingers draw invisible patterns as his lover rests his forehead on his shoulder and breathes harshly. He can feel Bucky's hands hold possessively his hips and Steve won't ever admit out loud how he likes to be branded in such a way.

"Steve." The whisper breaks his heart a little more and Steve wraps his arms around the taught body not knowing what to say. They stay wrapped in that silent embrace for a very long time, the smell of both of them filling up the kitchen.

He coaxes Bucky into taking a shower with him and there is something completely different in the way their hands now roam gently, their movements lacking the urgency that they had only moments ago. They change into clean clothes and they bunk in bed, holding tight because there are millions of things to be said and none of them the right ones. For lack of better words, they kiss and kiss until Bucky falls asleep and Steve holds him a long time after that.

When Bucky leaves, there are no words again. They can't say goodbye, they can't say words of separation when there is so much will of being together. They stay hugged for a long time and kiss again and Bucky leaves with a pathetic _call me later_ from Steve. The older man nods and tries to smile but fails miserably.

It is Eric that saves him again, his child the only truth in his life at the moment.

"Daddy!" His boy exclaims as soon as they get into the house and jumps into his father's arms. Steve holds tight like his very life would depend on him. ”Grandpa gave me a book with bunnies and grandma made my favorite food and auntie Samantha came by as well and we all played a silly game that grandpa invented."

His mother looks worriedly at him, but Steve shakes his head and Sarah knows better than to pry. Forcible as she may seem at times, Sarah knows that her boy is quite different from her daughters. They each have a different method to cope with something that they don't like with their life, but it is always Steve that is less than inclined to speak about them when they actually happen.

"That's great, buddy." Steve kisses tenderly his forehead. "Do you want to see my surprise?"

"You have a surprise for me?" Eric's eyes round comically and Steve smiles this time sincerely.

"I sure do."

"Where is it?" Eric looks around but he doesn't spot anything out of the ordinary.

"Oh, I think I must have left it with Chappy. I think you'd better go and have a word with him."

Eric is up the stairs before Steve is even finishing the sentence, making them both laughs. Squeals of joy follow in seconds.

"Daddy, daddy! It's great." His child hugs him again just as he goes into his room followed by his mother.

"Wow, it is really wonderful, Steve."

"So, you like it?"

"It's great. I can't wait to tell Danny. He won't want to leave my room ever again."

"Well, maybe we can arrange a sleepover soon."

"Yeah!"

Eric fist pumps the air and both his dad and grandma laugh seeing his open joy. They have a nice lunch together and luckily, afterwards there is no time for his mother to linger so she leaves quickly, leaving Steve and Eric to their own devices. 

Danny’s parents bring the little boy to spend some time in the newly decorated room and play with some action figures. But even their childish banter and their giggles can't stop Steve from thinking about the meeting with the Barnes clan and what it must happen there.

He checks his phone various times throughout the day to see whether there is any call, but apart one from his captain, there is nothing. He even calls his cell from his landline just to make sure that it is working, but it is almost dinner time and there is no phone call from Bucky. Right before calling the boys to dinner, he can't help it anymore and calls Rebecca's number. There is something eating at his heart, poisoning his thoughts.

"Steve, hi. How are you?"

"Hi, Rebecca, I’m sorry to bother you at this hour."

"Please, don't apologize. I’m afraid that due to our creative natures, my husband and I rarely have an early night. What can I do for you?"

"It's about Bucky."

"What has my brother done this time?" Steve can almost see her rolling eyes, so he tries to smile a little.

"He hasn't done anything. Which is kind of a problem."

"What do you mean?" The seriousness in her voice tells Steve that he has her full attention.

"Yesterday your grandfather visited me."

"Oh, that's never a good sign."

"No, it isn't that bad. Apparently, your father went to him after I punched him in the face, and he came to warn us that other family members may be inclined to listen to him."

"Yes, unfortunately we don't lack narrow minded people in my family. But did I mention how proud I’m of you? Punching that bastard of a father right in the face is what he deserves."

"You aren't upset?"

"Please, my father and I haven't been on speaking terms since before I met Thomas." Her usual kind voice turns to stone. "Unfortunately, my father has never been much of a caring man and to tell you the truth, I still hold him responsible for my mother's death. So, I’ve little regard for whatever he says."

"Wow, you guys are really sort of a Machiavelli family isn't it?"

"Nope, more like de Medici." She releases a bitter laugh. "I wish I could tell you nicer things about my family, but the sad reality is that I don't know most of them and the ones I know either make me sick or they are just so nice that they as well broke any ties with the family."

"It really sounds ominous."

"I’m sorry about it." She hesitates a little. "Steve, has something happened with my brother and you?"

"I can't say exactly." Steve swallows hard and pinches his nose. "There was a meeting of the council today to which both your grandfather and Bucky participated. They were supposed to convince the council to just stay out of Bucky's business. But I guess you didn't know about it."

"No, I’m sorry, I really didn't." The worry in her voice is evident now.

"So, I guess you don't have any news from him..."

"No, Steve, I’m sorry, but I don't know." He sighs harshly in the phone, which prompts her to add quickly. "But this doesn't mean anything, Steve. Sometimes, if there is a serious issue discussed, our council met for a whole day even. And I sincerely doubt that my brother will let himself be outwitted by those fools."

"But what if-"

"No, don't even think about it, Steve. You are perhaps the first real person in my brother's life. He will fight for you."

"Perhaps, but I haven't been very convincing either. I might have told him that if this affects Eric, I might have to-" Even now he can't say the words and Bucky's sister remains silent for a too long time to be comfortable. "Rebecca, please, say something."

"I’m sorry, Steve," she rushes to comfort him, "I was just thinking about who is in this council that I might still be able to contact them and try and find out about it. Listen to me, you are right as well. Eric is your child and your child will always come first. I don't doubt that Bucky is very much aware of this and won't hold this against you. I’ll try to find out more about this meeting, but I can't promise you anything. If worse comes worst, I’ll call my grandfather."

"I don't want to trouble you too much."

"There is no trouble at all. Please, give a kiss to Eric from me and I’ll call you later."

"Sure, I’ll. Talk to you soon. And Rebecca," he adds gratefully, "thank you for this."

"No worries. What is family for?"

Steve is distracted at dinner and doesn't eat much. Luckily, Eric and Danny talk nonstop, and they are into their own little world, that none of them notices anything. He goes through the motions almost mechanically: after Danny's parents come to pick him up, he prepares Eric for bed, even reads him a story. By the time he is showered and ready for bed, there is still no sign from Rebecca, and he doubt there will be one that night.

He tosses and turns all night and he barely catches any sleep. In the morning, he is too preoccupied to prepare Eric for school and get himself ready for work to think about the strange lack of calls. He goes to work, laughs with his colleagues, does the paperwork that he owes to the captain.

When he enters the first burning building of the day, he can't help but thinking if this time Bucky chose his family over him, his wealth over whatever they might have together. There is that cold hand again freezing his heart as makes his way through the debris and leaves behind for now his charred life.


	15. Blast

The night has fallen like a dark veil over New York City with a full shining moon staining it when Steve comes out the firehouse. It has been a long shift making every bone in his battered body cracking wearily. Some debris fell on Barton and him as they were evacuating a factory that burnt to the ground after a glitch in the electrical system. Together with two other teams, they had been the ones making sure that everyone had been evacuated. 

Both had been fine, but their bodies had been covered in bruises making him feel the end of his shift would never come. He is still thankful for small mercies like the fact that the bruises cover mostly his back and they are not visible. He would have hated to see Eric's weary eyes taking in those marks.

He closes his eyes for a few moments and inhales the crisp air of the night. He feels a dull headache settling behind his eyes like a nagging thought and he immediately opens them because he knows all too well where his train of thought might take him. And he really doesn't want to think about the fact that Bucky hasn't called him for a week now, and that Rebecca dodges his phone calls like he is a creepy stalker. 

And maybe he is. Perhaps there is something wrong with him and he doesn't understand that at the end of the day, Bucky wouldn't give up his family and its power for an ordinary fireman and his son, for two crazy parents and some really dotting sisters. Not many people would like Steve for what he is, but he thought... 

Never mind what he thought. 

He sighs and pinches his nose. 

What's the point thinking about it anyway? It’s really late, and he’s tired and he just wants to sleep for a million years.

But tomorrow when he feels better and after he spends a few hours with his son, he will call Rebecca and tell her that if her coward of a brother doesn't have the guts to tell him to his face that it is all over, then he better move to a whole new state because he will break his legs the next time he sees him. With that new train of thought, Steve adjusts his backpack and he is about to grab a taxi when he spots Bucky Barnes leaning against his black car.

It is so corny to admit it, but his heart stutters when he sees the older man dressed in those dark jeans and a blue sweater, with his brown hair tied but a few loose strands still caressing his face. And really, it is so unfair for one man to be so gorgeous in ordinary clothes. Steve almost takes a step towards him, then stops.

If this week of absence taught him something is how much he and Eric started to rely on Bucky to be there for them and one week without any sign of life, without so much as a message is a sure bad sign to Steve. There are so many things he would like to say to the older man as he approaches him, however the first thing that comes to his mind is:

"What the hell, Bucky?" He hisses as soon as he is close to the other man, who now straightens his posture, his face closed off. This angers Steve even more, for there is no placating gesture, no vulnerability, nothing. It is just plain old Bucky hiding his emotions away just like in the first few weeks after they met. This is the man that had people investigating him, that dug into his past and this is the man that after making impossible promises and fighting for their relationship left without a sign for a week.

"Steve, please-"

"Don't even think about it!" Steve snaps and seeing that they attract the attention of some of the passersby, he lowers his voice again. "One week! One week of not even one phone call to tell me what the hell is going on and now you dare to come here and wait for me like nothing has happened and you expect me to be calm?!"

"Steve, I do apologize for it, but I promise I’ve a good explanation so if you could just listen to me."

"Why should I?" Steve passes his fingers through his tousled blond locks. "You even made your sister not answer any of my phone calls. Nobody knew what happened to you. You could have just called and say that you don't need my sorry ass life and my stupid dreams. You could have just told me to my face that it's all over and that me and Eric are done for you, instead of hiding like a fucking coward and -"

"Steve, enough!" Bucky raises his voice and this time a man and his wife passing by do actually stop with a worried look on their faces, but Bucky impassively stares back, and they start walking again, not without glancing back as if Steve is in danger. He gently turns his attention back to Steve and this time his kyanite eyes shine with a vulnerability that the fireman has really seen in the other man.

"I know that I acted wrong, but I need you to trust me one last time and come with me. I promise I’ll explain everything."

"I can't promise I’ll accept it." Steve sighs. "I can understand that you did this to me. I can really see it, but you can't disappear like that from our lives, you can't do that to Eric."

"Steve, it is not all right to do this even to you. You didn't deserve it, but it had to be done." Hesitantly, Bucky cups his cheek and his thumb slowly caress the skin, making Steve's eyes flutter in pleasure. "Rebecca did tell me it was stupid, but I needed time to act quickly so please, just get in the car and I promise you I’ll explain everything."

They stare at each other for a long moment before Steve finally sighs in defeat.

"Okay, one last time." He pushes Bucky's hand away and ignoring the hurt look, he gets in the car and leaves his backpack at his feet. He agrees with it, but it doesn't mean that he is going to make it easy.

It is possibly the most uncomfortable car drive in the history of ever for Steve. There is some slow song on the radio, telling about lost loves and broken hearts and he just wants to yell at something. Because, Bucky doesn't seem inclined to break up with him at all. On the other hand, he feels that this night will define the rest of their relationship.

"Where are we going?" He mutters the words just so he can feel them floating in the air around them, making a small hole in the wall of silence that separates them at the moment.

"To my apartment." Bucky reluctantly replies. "You'll understand better there." He casts a glance towards Steve, but he doesn't say anything else. The rest of the drive is silent and as Bucky parks the car in the private car park, Steve can't help but wonder what they are doing here.

They get into the elevator and Bucky presses the security keys. It takes a while for Steve to realize that they are going up towards the penthouse apartment. And that makes him even more uncomfortable with the whole mystery of the situation. 

Here he is, in this carpeted elevator listening to some soulful music, pretending that he fits in there, when he is so far from fitting it's not even funny. He is dressed in a rumpled grey t-shirt and in some black sweats that have seen better days. He looks like he hasn't slept in a week and he just wants to go home and crawl under a blanket and sleep and sleep and sleep.

Bucky opens the door to a very pristine hallway full of boxes which then gives into the largest living room ever. You could probably fit his whole house in this living room, with its big windows and a very clear view of New York. One of the walls still holds a bar fully stocked and the wall on the opposite side holds the remains of a bookcase now completely empty.

He looks at the polished surfaces of the furniture, he looks at the pristine couches and the glass table and he can't see himself in this world of riches. This is just not going to happen. How come he has never seen Bucky's home before? It clearly isn't suitable for a child that would dirty all these beautiful surfaces in a matter of hours.

"I know what you are thinking." Bucky rumbles from behind him and Steve turns around to look at the man that he still wants fiercely.

"What do I think?"

"How can a person live here, in this apartment," Bucky invites him to have seat and Steve reluctantly sits down in a leather armchair opposite the couch where Bucky sits. The older man looks a bit hurt by the arrangement but doesn't say anything. "This is where I used to live even when I was married to Natasha. We were very rarely at home, you see, and I think that the only room that we actually personalized is the bedroom. And after her death I clearly didn't want to change anything."

"Why have you brought me here then?"

"Mostly because I wanted to show you what kind of man I was before meeting you."

"You mean dressed in clean cut clothes with no headaches and clearly a perfect life?"

"No, a man with nothing in his life." Bucky sighs heavily. "I’m not good at opening my heart to people, Steve, but something gives me the impression that by bringing you here, you might think that you are lacking something. On the contrary, it is I that lacks something. Or lacked until I met you."

"What happened at the council?" Steve refuses to take the words into consideration. He doesn't want to at the moment because their significance might be ruined by the answer to this question. The lawyer clearly perceives the way Steve denies everything and the moment for there is a lingering vulnerability in those obsidian eyes, the diffuse light making everything all the more intense.

"Apparently the council doesn't appreciate my new found life, but it appreciates more the money and the contracts that I provide for them, therefore they are more than willing to accept me the way I am and continue in my _wicked_ ways as long as they don't get public. They will also make sure that my father will never interfere again in my life."

"That's good, right?" Steve swallows hard when he sees the sudden fiery eyes of Bucky and the hungry way in which they take in Steve's presence into his house.

"I turned them down."

The words are clearly spoken and yet he finds himself in the position of taking a couple of moments before actually comprehending the meaning behind them. He probably even gapes a little.

"What?" He whispers weakly.

"I turned them down." Bucky repeats gently with a shadow of a smile on his lips. This time Steve shakes his head a little, but the older man continues fully determined to settle the matters straight. "Well, you see, Steve, they said that they won't interfere as long as I don't acknowledge that part of my life, which is to say that they want me to deny your very existence. Which I refuse to do."

"Oh." Steve closes his eyes because he is not sure if he can ask the next question. "What did you decide then?"

"Grandfather and I designed a plan which once actioned, will allow me to retire from the Barnes law firm within the next three months. We want to make a smooth transition so that by the end of that period I can completely settle in within my new firm, which will be at a much smaller scale and I’ll deal with a completely different category of clients."

Steve leans back trying to understand what Bucky is saying to him.

"You are giving up the family business?"

"Hardly." Bucky scoffs which makes him smile in turn. "The small firm will allow me to pick up the clients that I want and not the commercial ones that I usually have. The reason why I didn't contact you this week was not because I wanted to forget about you or Eric, but there were so many things to be done. I had to buy a new house as well, in a nice neighborhood so that you and Eric could spend weekends with me and maybe one day, not now, like in a few years at least you might decide to move in with me. Or I could move in with you, whatever you decide will be perfect for me. I had to sell my apartment and do a lot of work at the company so that I could be free soon." Bucky's hands tremble a little when they settle on his knees and Steve's heart stutters again. 

"I’m not saying that the way I acted was right, but I really wanted to act quickly because I love you and I really want to be part of yours and Eric's life. If you let me."

This powerful man, this majestic man with his beautiful imperfections and his attractive qualities, this powerful man wants to give up all of his life for him. And yes, Steve is still pissed off for the week of radio silence and he still doesn't understand why Bucky couldn't even text him and say that he will be with them soon, but very rarely does Steve get to hear that. In fact, only his wife loved him as much. So, in just a heartbeat, Steve understands what the right course of action is.

He gently kneels in front of Bucky who looks at him like he hanged the moon and the stars, and gently cups his face into his calloused hands. He looks directly into those beautiful eyes and smiles kindly. There is one moment of hesitation, of actual fear in Bucky's eyes, as if Steve is preparing to say _no_ in a kind manner. That moment of complete humanity makes Steve reply with conviction:

"I love you too. And I would love if you could be part of our lives permanently with no more weeks of silence. If you could be just with us. For as long as you want to."

"Then prepare to have me for a very long time," Bucky mutters caressing reverently on of Steve's cheeks, "because I want to stay permanently."

Steve just about gives up. He grabs Bucky roughly by the shirt and pulls him down kissing him hungrily. And the man gives as good as he gets, devouring his partner with all the lust and love he was consumed by this week. Steve feels swallowed up, left breathless as Bucky pulls him tighter against his body, in between his legs and their lust is so powerful that it makes them completely obsessed with each other.

Steve is drunk with sensations, their bodies finding their own unique rhythm, the smell of Bucky so uniquely him making him dizzy, as his hands map each part of his body.

"Bedroom," the older man whispers.

But it takes them another five minutes before they finally stand up and quickly find their way to the bedroom. Steve barely has the time to see that just like all the others, it is pretty much emptied except for the huge bed which looks really comfortable, before he melts into Bucky as they both lay down the bed. 

He knots his fingers into the back of his shirt, pulling him above him, melting completely and they separate for breath, Bucky kisses him down the jaw, nipping at his neck leaving him breathless and powerless against this onslaught of sensations.

Steve trembles uncontrollably when Bucky's fingers soothingly get under his t-shirt mapping his body, as he nips and soothes with his lips and tongue and Steve doesn't know any more where he begins and his lover ends. He is so lost in the sensations that he almost misses the gasp of surprise when the other man pulls up the t-shirt only to see the bruises and cuts.

"It's not something serious. They’ll heal soon." He mumbles, but Bucky's eyes are suspiciously vulnerable when he leans against his forehead, their breaths mingling.

"It is to me." He whispers brokenly and then he proceeds in gently kissing each patch of bruised skin, driving Steve insane with pleasure for he feels almost revered, precious. He lets his fingers into the other man's waistband and tugs his hips closer to make him feel how much he desires him, and Bucky gasps this time in pleasure. All bets are off from then forward as they lose their other clothes quickly after that.

Bucky takes time in preparing him, pouring his love in every kiss, in every nip, in every soothing small nonsense he whispers in Steve's ear. He softly whispers that he loves him, that this is it, there is never going to be another man for him, that he is grateful to Steve that he gives him another chance. And Steve takes it all in like a starving man, high on pleasure, arching his back, trying to become one with this man that now holds everything dear.

When he is finally ready and Bucky breaches him, Steve closes his eyes and lets himself feel the other man completely. The rest is pure pleasure and love and nothing else matters.

Later when they clean up and they are sleepy and exhausted and they just want to rest, the cuddle under the sheets still smelling of them, of their love.

"Why do I’ve to be the little spoon?" Steve mumbles, letting himself lulled into sleep by Bucky's breath.

"Because you love me and I’m just a bit taller."

Steve huffs in answer but he feels too content to move or reply so he falls asleep just like that, a cocoon made of sheets and the arms of the man that he loves.

And in the morning, when they wake up under the bright light of the sun, they look at each other lovingly like two saps and then make love unhurriedly, gently and silently with no worry in the world.

And much later, when they are showered and dressed in fresh clothes, they decide to go and pick up Eric from school.

"Bucky!" The little boy exclaims as soon as he sees the man and runs into his arms. Bucky gently picks him up and the small arms wrap around his shoulders. "I missed you." He innocently whispers and when he hears Bucky whispering, _I missed you too. So much, E,_ Steve has to turn away and blink several times, trying to forgo the lump in his throat. When he looks back, Bucky and Eric are still hugging but there is so much love and affection between them that Steve knows in that moment that this is for the long haul.

"Hey, don't I get a hug?" He finally grumbles and Eric laughs delighted as his father takes him in his arms, squeezing him. "You didn't miss me at all, from what I can see."

"I missed you too, daddy." He kisses him sloppily on the left cheek and Steve puts him down.

"That's better. Now what do you say if we go and eat something and maybe later go to the park?"

"Is Bucky coming?"

"Yes, he is."

"Great."

His kid is more than delighted to ride with Bucky's car again and he chatters all the way to a small restaurant where they have their lunch. They go then to the park and they sit on a bench while they look at Eric playing with the other kids.

Bucky tells him about the council more in depth, about his plans of completely separate from them. Some of his people will follow him to the new firm, although they will be paid less, and their clients will not be rich people. They talk about how Bucky will have to meet the Rogers clan really soon in his new quality and how that is going to be very interesting.

They smile and wave each time Eric calls their names. And when he runs back to them laughing.

The sun is shining over New York City, Bucky talks animatedly with Eric and there is a gentle breeze caressing him. 

It might be Peggy, it might be just the wind, but Steve feels blessed.

He knows better.


	16. Warmth

_Epilogue_

"I can't believe you won't let me go just because of this stupid trip that you take each year anyway!" Eric raises his voice but as soon as he sees Steve's eyebrow raise, he stops, still stricken with anger.

"Dad, it's a very important party. Almost everyone is going." His kid tries to reason, and it would work, it really would, if Steve didn't know that they would all go unsupervised and they are still only seventeen.

"You're not going and that is final." Steve doesn't raise his voice often, but when it does, it still makes his son cower in respect. Apparently not this time. His son straightens his lanky figure, looking like an angry cat and Steve would very much amused, if he wasn't upset as well.

"You just want to ruin my social life completely. I’ll be a damn loser for not going." Eric could be very dramatic when he really wants but that doesn't impress Steve very much. Actually, at all.

"You knew about the trip a long time ago; you knew very well that we will be gone by the time this party will be. And besides, I might be old but I’m not stupid and I won't let you go to a cottage with other kids, in the goddamn middle of nowhere where you're not even supervised. This is not going to happen, so end of discussion."

"You only want things to be your way." Eric hisses. "I’m seventeen now. One more year and you won't be the boss of me."

"That’s true." Both are startled when they see Bucky leaning on the doorway, his eyes slightly narrowed. He looks tired, his tie loosened and his hair in disarray as if he passed his fingers through it one too many times. "But until then he is still your father and you will treat him with respect.

"Pops..."

"I’m disappointed in you, Eric." He continues as he enters the kitchen, Eric visibly upset at the new turn of things. Steve might tell him all that, but it would never affect him as much as when his other father says it.

"You know very well that we have been more than accepting of Danny’s and your escapades, and we always treated you with respect and accepted everything in good faith because we trust you to make the right decision."

"But, pops, I promise you that we won't do anything wrong over there."

"Can you really promise me that? Can you really look in your dad's eyes and promise that?" Bucky is using now his very serious tone, which he rarely uses outside the court, but apparently Eric is aware that he crossed the line because he balls his hands into fists and just storms out of the room.

"You're ruining my social life!" He yells before he slams the door of his room. Steve pinches his nose and takes a deep breath before he opens his eyes and smiles wearily at his husband.

"He used to be such a sweet kid. Now your son is driving me crazy."

"I love the fact that he's my son only when he does something wrong. When he does something good, he's yours, like the time when he won the writing contest last year." Bucky takes him gently by the nape and guides him into a hungry kiss. For some reason today he really missed his husband and he couldn't wait to get back home.

"Well, hello to you too." Steve smiles in this happy little way, that it's only directed at Bucky and Eric. It’s one of the few million things Bucky still loves about him. His warm blue eyes crinkle around the edges, giving away his age, but making him even more attractive. Ten years later and Steve is still the most stunning person he has ever had the privilege of meeting. He kisses the top of his head before letting him go.

"So, I’m guessing tonight's dinner is going to be a twosome affair." He sighs.

"I’ll call him later on, but I don't think he will stop sulking any time soon."

"Well, his loss. It smells delicious."

"Go and have a shower and then come help me set the table."

Bucky just nods and with one last quick inhale of the delicious smell, he goes upstairs to take a shower and change into some more comfortable clothes.

For a moment there is a complete silence in the kitchen except for the bubbles made by the sauce, while Steve grabs the edge of the sink and takes a deep breath. He knew that the teenage years were going to be tough on his son, he just really didn't think that it was going to be that bad.

It is true that Eric is still a good boy that listen to his parents and all. However, he and Danny seem to get in trouble so easily lately. In a year they will leave for college, most likely to NYU, and Steve wonders not for the first time if he can trust his son with taking good decisions, doing the right thing.

They still have an incredible bond and they still share things and after doing stupid things, his son is man enough to admit being guilty and try and make up for it. But that doesn't mean it is always going be the case.

Is he so out of touch with what is important for his son? Is he truly a bad dad just for not letting him go to that party? After hearing him beg for so many days, Steve was inclined to say _yes_ , but he is afraid of what might happen there. He needs to let his son fly and make his own mistakes, but sometimes he thinks that everything comes too early.

"You made the right decision." Bucky mumbles and Steve’s surprised again. He didn't realize he stood there so much contemplating the fate of his son. "Sorry if I scared you."

"It's okay, I didn't realize I wasted so much time." He moves efficiently around the kitchen, finishing dinner. "I just don't know if I’m trying to cuddle him or kill his social life."

"Or maybe doing both." Bucky smirks when he sees his partner rolling his eyes. He takes the plates and arranges the table. "Seriously though, you made the right decision and I support it. He’ll realize that with time."

"Yeah, but by then he’ll kill us by moping around and just scowling at us like we are the meanest parents in the world."

"The scowling is all you, you can't blame me for that."

"I really don't know what you are talking about." Steve snaps back although he is scowling exactly as Bucky predicted. His husband just shakes his head and smiles softly but doesn't say anything else. As Steve adds the final touches to the food, Bucky goes back upstairs and knocks at his son's room.

 _His son_. He slowly touches the wood. He can't believe that Eric is his son. When he adopted him about seven years ago, after their marriage, he considered it such an honor. He wept that night in Steve's arms although Eric had been calling him Pops for some time. It was as if he was finally allowed to have a true family. He had felt honored and still is.

"Eric, dinner is ready." He says in a gentle voice.

"I don't want anything."

"Starving yourself to death won't help matters much and you know how much more annoyed your dad is going to be."

"I hope he will feel guilty too for my early demise."

"Oh, big words now. I see we are going for the drama."

The door opens quickly, and Eric's angry face comes into view.

"Pops, you know how much I wanted to go to this party." He is still seething.

"I know but disrespecting your father for a decision that he has taken in your best interest isn't the best way to go. And besides, I think you knew from the very beginning what the answer was, but you chose to pursue this any way. You know how much your father waits for our trips together each year and you of all people should appreciate more than anyone. At the end of it all, you know time is always limited and he will suffer when you leave for college. Can't you give him that?"

"Now who is being dramatic?" Eric rolls his eyes and passes by. "But I’m still going to sulk, just so you know." Bucky ruffles his blond hair and at his outraged _hey_ , he can only smile more.

"Watch the hair!"

Eric stomps down the stairs and Bucky follows him smiling kindly. He knows that Eric understands what he was talking about. Even as he glares at Steve, even as he doesn't answer his questions or scowls or generally be a pain, Eric would just about do anything for Steve.

About a year ago, Steve had a really serious accident at work. He fell through two stories and he stayed a month in the hospital. Eric had been a wreck and Bucky hadn't been better.

Three days in a coma just about killed the both of them, and there had been times when Bucky thought almost that Steve wasn't going to make it. But when the worst passed, and the stubborn man returned with them back home, he found his son watching his dad many times, like he would disappear and only a screaming match with his dad showed how much he had been shaken by the whole experience.

Since then, for his courage and valor, Steve was promoted to captain and nowadays his job was mostly behind the desk, for which Bucky had been secretly grateful.

However, that experience was a real wakeup call especially for Eric who had lost a parent in his early years. And Steve started to finally pay more attention to his own person not just to everybody else around as he did before.

He looks fondly at both blond-haired men and once again his heart is flooded with gratefulness for having them in his life. They are his family now. After his grandfather died, about five years ago, he cut all ties with the Barnes family just as Rebecca had done a long time ago.

In all these years, he's seen his father just two more times, once at the funeral and another time on the corridors of the courtroom where both had a case at the time. In both cases, they barely exchanged a greeting and although he felt a pang a regret, he knew that he had taken the right decision. In all his life, Bucky had never been happier than when he was with Steve and Eric.

"If looks could kill..." Steve mumbles sleepily that night when he cuddles next to Bucky and his husband hums thoughtfully.

"You would have been dead a couple of times."

"He really can scowl."

"He learned from the best." Bucky mocks him, but Steve doesn't answer as he's already asleep. He kisses him tenderly and follows quickly afterwards.

The next few days pass in a blur of activity and before they know it, they are on the road to a small fishermen's village a hundred miles away from New York, where they bought a small cottage a couple of years ago.

They had been staying there for the last five years and when the owner decided to sell, Bucky was more than happy to buy it as a present for Steve. He had forgotten all about the Barnes’, but their money was still in his possession and he had been more than happy to spend it for the man he loved. It was their tradition: during summer break, they would always come here and spend two weeks, just taking a break from their otherwise still hectic life. And with all the grumbling and complaining, Eric loves it there as well for it gives him a peace that he never has at home especially for his writing. It was a short story written here that helped him win the last year writing competition and brought the attention of several good colleges to him.

Bucky was proud. He adjusts his glasses again as they had become a necessity when driving and glances at his husband. Steve looked outside the window with a small content smile on his face, while Eric read a book in the back. They both had the same faraway look of concentration and Bucky's so full of love for them he thinks he might burst.

"Thomas and Rebecca said they might stop by and bring the kids with them as well." He says conversationally and that gets Steve's attention.

"That would be great." His sister had twins six years ago, Jamie and Jacob, and Eric loves them dearly.

"Hey, that's great! Dad, you know what we should do? We should buy some watermelons before they come? You know how much they love them."

"Good idea. Maybe we can make some fried fish on sticks as well."

"And pops, you should make that salad that they enjoyed the last time."

"So, from what I see you two chuckle-heads plan to let me do all the work while you enjoy the sun and the beach."

"Well, pops, you might be old but you're still sharp."

"Watch it, boy, or I might leave you here and let you walk the rest of the way."

"Please, as if you would."

"Hey, stop bantering. I don't want to hear you two exchange jabs for the rest of the trip." Steve intervenes but his son just rolls his eyes at him.

Sometimes Steve wonders how come they don't get stuck like that with how much they roll lately.

"Please, you love it."

They do continue to banter until Bucky stops the car just a couple of miles down the coast where they can see the immense blue of the sea sparkling under the caresses of the sun.

"I understand that the view is beautiful, but please don't kill me yet." Eric grumbles as they get out of the car. "I'm still young. I need to live."

"Just admire the beauty and shut up."

"Oh, dad, you're so full of poetry."

"I thought you are the poet in the family."

The three of them stand right there admiring the view in the scorching heat of the afternoon sun. Steve puts his arms around his shoulders although they are both sticky with sweat and when Bucky looks at him, he is grinning happily. Eric is standing next to them with his arms stretched towards the sky.

"Sorry you came, kid?" Steve asks playfully as if he already knows what his son will answer though he is surprised when the teenager looks back fondly at the both of them.

"Never."

They stay just like that in that peaceful silence stirred up only by crickets and the peaceful sounds of the sea.

Content.

Happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is the end.   
> I want to thank all of you for your comments and kudos, they mean the world to me.   
> Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, and thank you for everything.  
> This was such an amazing storyline to explore, it took a lot of mapping and time lining before any writing could justify the characters.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Kudos from   
> Softboibarnes

**Author's Note:**

> your feedback keeps me alive! <3


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